Feeling Lonely.

[FreshlySingleMummaOf2]

Having a little cry to myself, I'm feeling so unbelievably low. Separated from my hubs 2 months ago, he was a very controlling person so I pushed away a lot of my friends. Now I'm single and feel I have no one who I can just call upon to cry too. Everyone has partners, families and lives of their own. I'm sending msgs trying to rebuild friendships but being ignored. Friends i thought were good friends seem to have cut me out too. Maid of honour at my wedding is getting married in 4 months and I haven't even been invited. I just don't know what i have done so seriously wrong for people to avoid me so much. I don't have any close by family. I have a couple of people who have supported me through my break up but they have children of their own so cant always be there for me. I just feel so lonely sitting indoors night after night. He controlled so much of my life to the point i didnt have one. Now the weight of him has been lifted off my shoulders, i still have no one. I'm painting a smile on my face everyday, when truly im breaking inside.

Sorry to hear you're feeling so low I've been separated 5 months now and often feel lonely. I think it's normal. That sounds difficult if he alienated you from friends though. All my friends are married with kids so i joined meetup and met some great single women who I go out on a Saturday night with now. Doesn't stop the loneliness but the distraction is good!

Hang in there, it does get a bit easier

I know exactly how you feel. I have a 6 and a half year old and its just been the two of us since he was about 5 months old. Similar situation, abusive controlling ex who cut everyone out of my life. I was bullied my entire school life too so never had any friends, it can get very lonely sometimes, theres only so much you can talk to a 6 year old about. Im glad I have my family but id like some proper friends to talk to once in a while. Its hard to do that when I have no real time for myself and no-one to babysit. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but who knows what the future will bring. Just have a little faith and never give up

Just go Day by day. Have you looked at any local single parent groups. My old friends don't get it. Being on your own is so very lonely and isolating. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I found one or two like minded friends this way. They completely get it. And that was a life saver in the early days.

Have a hug, lovey.
Rome wasn’t built in a day (now I gave you a earworm, do you know the song).

Fake it till you make it. Slowly slowly you’ll rebuild your life, this time how you want it.

Not so long ago, I would have been scared and ashamed to come tome and tell my then husband I’ve joined a group on meetup.
I ditched the husband. And had more fun with the meetup group than I had with my exH in years.
You deserve to be happy.

I have tired meetup but there are no local groups to me, i would love to meet people in the same situation so we could help each other out. Just feel like I will be alone forever. I also hate that you can see when people have read msgs and are just completely ignoring you. I know if i spoke to my mum about it (who lives in NZ) it would make her so upset because she can't be here to support me. Im searching for a job but keep getting turned down as i cant commit to the flexible hours due to childcare. Its like the world is punishing me for ending me marriage!! Thanks for your msgs back. Its lovely to get stuff off your chest and know people are listening xxxxx

First, congratulations on having the strength to leave your abusive controlling partner. Give yourself credit for doing something that needed such courage, despite being ground down by his behaviour.
I think you may be in the period of slump that follows such a high adrenaline event. All your energy was focused on getting out, and now you at last have time to draw breath and think “Is this it?”
You need a period of consolidation, of regathering your strength and resources, rebuilding your self esteem, and looking at what YOU want from life, rather than being told by him what you can have.
Do you have a hobby, sport or interest you would like to pursue? Are there local groups or facilities for this? How about joining a book group for a nice chat over a glass of wine? Any nice mums of your DC’s schoolfriends to pal up with?
Have you explained to your ex friends exactly why you were forced to drop them - that it was an abusive ex, and you would still value their friendship and support?
Finally, why not try your local church on Sundays. You’ll find a supportive friendly community, have a good sing, and enjoy a nice chat over the coffee and biscuits after the service.
Churches often run lots of activities - ours has a walking group, folk music nights, a drop in cafe, etc, where you can make friends in a safe environment.
You are at a low point at the moment, OP, but life will pick up. Build your strength, and choose how you’d like to live. You didn’t have freedom of choice with your ex, but now you do! Good luck, and God bless.

@FreshlySingleMummaOf2 aww honey ! I know how you feel. I've been there too and still am really ! My son's dad walked out when son was a baby and I've been on my own with him, just the 2 of us, for 7 years now. I have a very small family and don't get on with them they are very unsupportive and unloving. It really is just me and my boy. I've had quite a few relationships over the last few years but none have worked out. I have anxiety and depression and men find it hard to deal with. I've just been dumped by the man I thought was finally The One. I too feel that I'll be alone forever. And I'm scared. I don't want that.

What I would say.... thinking back to how I felt when my son's dad left us.... I had a breakdown and truly was in the depths of despair. It DOES get better I promise you. It took about 9 months for me to start to feel better. I had moved away to live with my ex and when I came back to my home town most old friends had moved on or were married with their own families now. I had to start from scratch really.

I met a few mums on here mums sites meet ups. Can you make friends with some of the school mums ? Maybe join a group - gym / exercise class or something once a week even.... you need to try and widen your social circle and meet new people. Once you're working again (it'll just take time) you'll meet new friends and get more of your life back that way. Please don't give up trust me it gets easier x

Keep strong, you’ve achieved one of the hardest parts and that is to walk away!!! ... though I get why you feel down and alone... nobody gets it unless they go through it themselves... I can’t suggest what will help as in a similar situation really... but just wanted to say, if the thort even crosses to go back to him just remember better to be lonely on your own and have choices than be trapped in a relationship that gives you nothing ... keep strong as others have said.xx

It's a shame you can't live near your mum op? Can you?

Hi,
Have you tried www.mumsquadconnect.com ? It’s for mums who are looking for new mum friends in their local area.
I hope that you are doing okay. Sending best wishes.
x

Yes I'm really lonely. Split up a year ago.
I was doing well, strong knew I was better off without him.
Now I'm just lonely have no one and he never answers my texts and finding life hard
Find it hard to deal with anything and with him
And unhappy. (I don't wish I was back with him)
I try to be social and although people chat to me I don't think anyone really wants to be my actual friend they all prefer someone else
I must give off the wrong vibe or something

@purpleme12 I'm sure you don't. That sounds really hard. Do you have family you spend time with? Have you tried volunteering. I didn't make friends per say. But it got me out and gave me people to talk too.

Sometimes the local womens centre has drop ins or classes/groups. Maybe look into that?

Maybe I should do some volunteering. I'm struggling with how brave it would mean I have to be to even take the first step