Advice for newly single parent

[Birch93]

So I've decided to get a divorce...

My husband had been cheating for 8 months and the relationship has become toxic... so I've left. We have a one year old together and I'm currently staying in the living room of my grandparents home (luckily my son has a cot here). Can anyone give me any advice on what benefits and housing support I can get? I'm a student and I have no income, have never been on benefits so it's confusing, we relied on my (ex) husbands income after I had the baby. Feel very much stuck and a little bit helpless. My ex bought his house before I even met him and so he has stayed there. Just want to move on and find a little home for myself and my son, where we can make a happy, new beginning.

Thanks for any help!

First of all, well done for making the first step towards a new future. It's such a big transition but it really sounds like it's the right move.

I would really recommend calling the Gingerbread (single parent charity) Helpline, as their advisors can talk you through benefits etc, specifically looking at your situation and entitlements. I found a conversation with them really useful, and comforting too. You could also check out the Child Maintenance Calculator to see what kind of sum might be reasonable for your ex to provide.

I also just wanted to show some solidarity, as I also decided to leave my husband five months ago, with a one year old son. It's been exhausting and challenging on so many levels - financially, practically, emotionally... But I do feel there are already many positives.

I've found support in unexpected places; a sense of knowing who my real friends are (in terms of who's shown up to provide practical and emotional support); freedom from all the time and energy I used to expend trying to make a toxic relationship work; freedom from trying to bend myself to someone else's interests/ways of doing things; re-discovery of interests and passions I'd neglected over the years, and a greater competence and confidence dealing with my son and practical challenges alone. I'm still having tough days, with periods of doubt, loneliness and insecurity. But I also feel myself getting gradually stronger, and I think things can only get better.

Good luck!

Lots of benefits calculators online if you google them

Thank you, that was such a lovely message. It's majorly hard at the moment but I'm trying so hard to stay strong for my boy. Thanks for all the tips, I'll definitely be giving gingerbeard a call!

Hi, have you been to your local Council yet? You could go in and make a homeless application, they will then do a housing Plan with you and work out if they have a duty to house you. I’ve been through it and it’s the most stressful thing I’ve ever experienced and such an emotional rollercoaster but after nearly 3 months in temporary housing (tiny bedsit) I got my own place (I have a ds aged 21 months). I’m still finding my feet and still living with borrowed furniture but we’ve got our own home now and that’s what matters!
With regards to benefits my circumstances were different to yours as I work full time but I get help towards childcare with UC.
Best of luck and be kind to your self xx

@Birch93 hi lovely. Also just stopping by to show some solidarity. I'm a lone parent of a 7 year old boy. I found out his dad was cheating on me when our son was 9 months old. Been on my own with our son since then. The first 19 months I didn't work. Got a rented house and got by fine on tax credits and housing benefit etc and maintenance off his dad. When my son was 19 months I went back to work 18 hours a week on a job share. Worked well. Once he started school I got a new job 33 hours a week. I pick him
Up from school twice a week and it works well. He's a happy well adjusted little lad and we bought a house just the two of us, last year. He sees his dad one weekend a month as his dad works away.

I remember all too well the heartbreak of finding out my partners affair and the fear and horrific depression of picking up the pieces alone with a baby boy. It was hard I won't lie. But after that first year things became much better and I promise you it will for you too. I met lots of new friends / other mums through playgroups which I went to every day. That was a lifeline for me

Here any time you want to chat xx