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Lone parents

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Original poster

Ex wants 100% residence now that he stopped working

24 replies

EEmother · 16/08/2019 17:24

Just received a letter from my ex's solicitors, out of the blue. They ask me to transfer the custody of my children voluntarily as my ex had stopped working and would like to become the resident parent now that he has free time. Otherwise they are threatening with immediate court action. I work full time, have to. Ex was absent from the children's lives for two and a half years (moved overseas with his new family, now that family did not work out and he moved back). The children are 3 and 5. I offered some contact when I first learned that he moved back to the UK, but he refused, as the times did not work / he had other engagements at the time.

We had a long and unpleasant litigation after our separation, and the family court decided in my favour. If I am honest, I don't have any spare money to fund any further litigation.

Any idea about how the court will look at this request? The letter is all lyrical about how important it is for young children to have a parent at home and how I abandoned my maternal responsibilities by working. I am feeling now like a complete failure of a parent. Would the fact that there was no financial support from him be taken into account?

OP posts:
AvengerDanvers95 · 16/08/2019 17:27

Bet he doesn't go to court. Clearly he's just after the child benefit and maintenance. No court will make a 3 year old go live full time with someone they haven't seen since they were 6 months old.

HotChocolateLover · 16/08/2019 17:29

No idea legally but what an arse! He basically wants maintenance from you plus all the associated benefits from being a lone parent to your shared kids. What a chancer. Lots of single parents work and I doubt a court would look too favourably on your ex who buggered off an didn’t bother with his own children. He may be at home now but at some point I understood he’ll have to work anyway with the benefits rules. What a cheeky fucker. You’re the one with the bond who’s brought them up. Fight this 💖

MayFayner · 16/08/2019 17:47

He sounds deluded. I think I would just bin the letter.

God. Has he not tormented you enough.

I wouldn’t give this any headspace. You have done everything for your DC. He has done nothing apart from abandon them. No way would he get residency. It’s laughable.

8by8 · 16/08/2019 17:53

He has absolutely no chance of getting residency but would get visits/contact.

So reply just saying the court has previously granted you 100 percent residency and if your ex wishes to challenge this he will need to go to court.

If he actually bothers to (unlikely) then you can run your own case as a litigant in person, the courts will be very sympathetic to you.

In the meantime I wouldn’t go to any effort to facilitate contact, it sounds like he could use any contact to try and get residency which is obviously insane.

Summerunderway · 16/08/2019 17:58

Please note op that a solicitor will write whatever they are requested to. In no way does this mean your ex has a chance /is correct in his theory...
My exh had a letter sent to me demanding I remove my newly fitted blinds as now he could no longer spy into my house .
Imo bin and ignore.
I kid you not.

TheWildAndTheCurious · 16/08/2019 18:05

Sounds like he just wants the benefits for having the children.
Just incase he does go to court OP, collect and keep hold of any evidence you have about your previous offerings of contact etc.
'Abandoned maternal responsibility' is title bullshit! The majority of mothers (and fathers!) work and are not given this title of abandonment. You're in a much better position working, you are earning an income for your family. Not as he is unemployed! You have much more to offer them financially and it seems emotionally. Please ignore this comment in the letter and don't feel like a failure! You're raising two children on your own and sound like you've been very reasonable in trying to include him.

readitandwept · 16/08/2019 18:43

Send a letter back saying:

"Hahahahaha. I look forward to seeing you be laughed out of court".

He's clearly not wired right.

carly2803 · 16/08/2019 21:31

Just FYI - as your youngest is 3 anyhow he wont be able to sit and claim benefits, he will have to job search or actually work 16 hours minimum.

Hes an idiot and taking the piss

ignore and bin the letter OP !!!

pikapikachu · 17/08/2019 10:46

Ignore.

If by some miracle he takes you to court, expect him to get some contact but not anything like 100%. Represent yourself and explain that you offered some contact but he's declined. The children don't know him so on the beginning it would have to be supervised contact and work up. He wouldn't suddenly get 50%.

Finances and contact are separate things and you wouldn't be punished at all for being a working parent. You can ask a solicitor to write whatever you want in a letter and a lot of the content in that letter is clearly bullshit. It's very unusual to get zero contact. A parent who was violent to their partner, disappeared for a few years then came back or ones who take drugs still have contact. Be proud of what you achieved and ignore the stupid letter that's trying to scare you- you've clearly done a fab job supporting the kids.

RandomMess · 17/08/2019 10:48

Which country do you live in?

Certainly court aren't going to hand them over to someone that is actually a stranger to them!

endofthelinefinally · 17/08/2019 10:50

I would ignore, but keep the letter.
Post in Legal.
I agree he wants money but couldn't care less about the dc.

titnomatani · 17/08/2019 13:15

What a selfish f*cker. Seek legal advice but do not give up your kids.

8by8 · 17/08/2019 13:54

A lot of people are advising you to ignore the letter.

I wouldn’t ignore it - courts tend to think that you should try to facilitate a relationship with the absent parent, it looks bad if you just ignore them.

So reply saying the court has previously granted you full residency, you do not wish to change this, and leave it there.

Whoseagooddoggiethen · 17/08/2019 13:59

Its a solicitors letter not a legalstanding. His sol was possibly advisong against tge letterbut has to do what they are paid for. Either ignore or respond saying you will see them in court.

Ihatesundays · 17/08/2019 13:59

He now wants to parent now he has ‘free time’ Hmm....tell him to jog on

Has he had any contact with the children during his absence?

megletthesecond · 17/08/2019 17:16

summer the blinds Shock. His solicitor must have struggled keeping a straight face writing that letter.

Summerunderway · 17/08/2019 17:21

Solicitor's see £££ signs and that's all!!
But they must have cringed every time he asked for an appointment!

8by8 · 17/08/2019 17:30

Ok I was a solicitor for years, including family law, and saying all we see is ££££ is not fair.

The job is to represent what your client wants. However ridiculous their demands, your job is to present them as well as you can.

I had clients where I told them they were wasting their money, told them they had absolutely no chance, told them they were probably harming their long term chances of a relationship with their children - and they still chose to go ahead.

Ginger1982 · 17/08/2019 17:40

@Summerunderway that's such a shitty generalisation. We are not all like that at all. Yes we have to take instructions but presumably he will have been warned about his chances here.

OP, either ignore the letter or politely phone the solicitor and just say that you are not agreeing to this.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 17/08/2019 17:42

If he has no job then he has no money for solicitors.
Even if he had the money that going by his track record he’s not going to get 100% residence.

Cohle · 17/08/2019 17:45

Do you have shared residence at the moment, or are the DC with you 100%?

You must be really worried but honestly this isn't going to happen. It is not in your kids interests to uproot them from a settled home environment in favour of a parent with whom they have had limited contact. A court would likely order access but not sole residence (if he actually pursues this).

I'd reply that you are happy to facilitate contact but that providing a stability for the children is your priority and as such you will be abiding by the existing court order.

EileenAlanna · 17/08/2019 17:50

He's certainly a CF. As other pps have said, keep all letters, texts, screenshots etc just in case you need to make a court appearance at any time.
He abandoned his DC when they were 2 & 6 months FOR TWO & A HALF YEARS then abandoned the other family (has he children to the woman?) after 2 & 1/2 years - bit of a pattern emerging.
If you know the new exw's details can you find her on SM? Not to contact her (unless you want to ) but to screenshot anything that could be useful to you.
There's no chance you'd lose custody to this chancer so don't let it play on your mind Flowers

Skittlenommer · 17/08/2019 17:51

I wouldn’t take it in the least bit serious. Court would NEVER give residency to a partner who was absent from the children’s lives for almost three years and subsequently refused contact when offered as it didn’t suit him. Has provided no financial support and is now unemployed!

If it ever got to court (which it won’t) they’d not only rule in your favour but they’d laugh him out of there!

Also, working full-time will act in your favour! They can shove the misogynistic bullshit letter up their ass!

Apolloanddaphne · 17/08/2019 18:04

What an arse. Write back and tell him you will see him in court.

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