Still so lonely and so many issues

[supportnotabuse1]

Where to start?
In a nutshell.. psychologically absuive exH (and continues to be so after 6 yrs), his relationship with my 15 yo daughter has broken down, said daughter has terrible anxiety and (I think) depression but refuses to open up to anyone. She is now struggling at school and hates it (has always previously been brilliant academically). Says her ‘friends’ aren’t really friends as they’re not nice people. Has no other outlet or interests any more. Have asked for help/support from school but useless. I have v difficult relationship with narcissistic mother. I work but money is still difficult (ex is reasonably well off but is getting away with £75 p/m through CMS for two girls, other 12yo is v happy thank goodness. CMS are not interested in investigating and have spent two yrs going round in circles with them). Moved house last year but needs a lot renovating and have downsized so full of clutter and no time/money to decorate. New area and know nobody, I moved for school/work but preferred my other town. Have struggled with anxiety and depression myself for several years and am still doing so. I see a therapist which helps but I feel it’s my circumstances which get me down. Have no life as don’t like leaving my girls on their own, esp with my eldest who doesn’t like leaving the house (get parental help but I always feel I’m asking too much and Mum makes it hard). No friendship network or support. Fell in love four years ago and have had ongoing love and support from him but he lives a distance away and is still married to someone else (he does not have citizenship so it is not so easy to just leave). My two closest friendships have broken up because they feel he is taking advantage although I know this is not the case. (Please be gentle with me as I find the situation very hard too). This has made it harder as I am now completely isolated (have not the strength or guts to tell my mum/sister the whole picture).
I just feel completely isolated and down that I have been under so much pressure for so long. No one seems to be able to help either my daughter or me and the world seems so cruel. I’m here as I have nobody else to let things out to. I know I am sensitive but I feel I have brought my daughter up to be kind and sensitive and we are now both suffering as a result in a horrible competitive world.
Sorry for the long post.

Sorry to hear you feel this way, I can certainly agree the world can seem very cruel and I am still shocked at the horrible things people are capable of.
Im not sure if I can offer any advice or if thats what you need. Youre seeing a therapist and thats great. The only thing I can suggest is that you say this to your mother and sister. Be honest with them, let it all out and see where the chips may fall. What harm can it really do? they may surprise you, tell them you really need help.

I think there is one thing that may be becoming clear to you. You cant expect anyone else to do it for you, you need to find the strength to make your own world by changing your circumstances. You seem very vulnerable, please be open to the possibility that your boyfriend may well be taking advantage of you.
However you do it, find the strength to fight for your portion of happiness.

Can I suggest you re-post in the relationship section, you may find more support there.

You can do it.

Thank you for your kind reply. I feel my mum, and sister especially, are the practical support I need (apart from my boyfriend) and I don’t know what I’d do if they reacted badly. Yes I may seem vulnerable but actually have gone through a lot so I actually feel stronger than I have in the past. I just feel at my age (45) with a postgraduate education I should be in a better place in my life (in all aspects) and feel like a failure as a mum and a human being. I’m always indebted to my parents. And I honestly feel that my boyfriend is the one rock who helps me get through things on a daily basis. As someone with pretty high moral standards I have spent many many hours soul-searching but he is the one who accepts me as I am and is always there for me (others eg family and former friends less so). I have never felt more loved. The difficulty with that is that no one understands how important this is to me and the only two people I have confided in (apart from my therapist) have turned away from me. Thanks again for your kindness and understanding and yes I’m going to continue with my counselling.

Oh join the club, who can put their hand on their heart and say they’re exactly where they should be at our age.
So can I ask what exactly do you think your mum and sister will react badly to? Because your boyfriend is still married?

Thanks. Even knowing I’m not the only one helps. Yes the fact he is married. Even I have never come to terms, despite me knowing he is fully committed to me and our future together. My mum and sister are both very traditional Christians and my mum is extremely opinionated, controlling and judgemental (about everything). In fact it was actually the first thing she asked when I was excited about telling her I’d met someone 4 yrs ago (my knee jerk reaction was to say no). She has met him a few times and thinks he’s lovely but obviously I’ve missed out the biggie. I’m so scared as it has already put a massive wedge between me and my two previously closest (and only) friends. I don’t have any other friends close enough to confide in. So I feel I can’t win either way😕
I’ve been trying to do things for myself (yoga and I’m in a gospel choir in term time which I love) but my mojo just ebbs away and i don’t feel up to much (or going out and leaving her alone) when my daughter is suffering so much anxiety. Dad and the courts have been putting pressure on her to resume contact (her dad is basically trying to make out its my fault that she won’t go to counselling etc) which she doesn’t want but the ongoing pressure is hard for her and me.
It is nice to know somebody has some sympathy and understanding. I have wanted to reach out for a long time but have been so scared of the responses I might get (one of the friends told me to tell no one). I’m considering talking to my sister but I’ll have to dig deep and summon up a lot of courage first as I just don’t know how she’ll react.
Sorry for another long post!