Advice! Exes holiday contact with DS

[JoJo2106]

Hi,

Just wondering if anyone could perhaps help me with something.

There is a child arrangement order in place for my Ds, he is almost 2. Finished in court in January. There are arrangements in place regarding holiday contact for this year and it states it's to be 7 consecutive nights. The thing is my ex is trying to make it longer which would end up making it 9 days in total. My ex and I do not meet or communicate in any way other than via a communication book due to past DV. So this is now getting into a tit for tat back and forward thing in the book which is very difficult and becoming stressful for me.

The thing I would like to know is am i in my rights to stick to just what the order says. It doesnt say anything other than I've to make child available for 7 consecutive nights. Ds is already going to struggle with the 7 nights let alone any longer due to how he is just after 2 nights away from me.

I'm not willing to argue any longer in the book so would just like to know that I'm.doing the right thing by sticking to.what the order says? He seems to think he can do what he likes basically and has no regard for ds and how he would react been away from home and me that long. He just says 9 days is not too long. It is too long for ds because he doesn't see him once he gets home. Ds has also started to show signs of been withdrawn and not wanting to go at handovers so the less time it is the better.

The order says 7 consecutive nights not 8 nights and 9 days. The reason it would end up that long is once they return it would go onto his normal contact weekend which will make it longer, I have tried to say go on a midweek day and come back on a midweek day that way it will be 7 nights. It says nothing in the order about it going into any usual contact time just that hes to have 7 consecutive nights in summer 2019.

Thank you.

@cupoftea84
*It depends exactly what the order says. If you only have to make him available for 7 consecutive days then surely you can pick which days you make him available?

I'm surprised you're not getting more support OP. Sorry you've been a dv victim and he's still trying to control you. Bigs hugs xx*

The father is trying to have a holiday with his son, he would like to do so over 9 days. The OP wants to stop him. Who's controlling who? Its just a disagreement between parents.

OP, if you would like my advice then kill the conflict dead and agree to his request. Let him know that you are available and would be over the moon if he needed to swap over early or if he needed anything.
Id also ask if he wouldnt mind just sending a text or message through someone else each day to put your mind at ease. Wish him and his son a lovely holiday.

Id give my right arm if my ex would reduce the toxicity, but she is too entitled and proud to ask for anything. She has to demand it.

But mediation will fail as you've already said you're not willing to allow your son to go for 9 nights so really he's saving you a prolonged processes. You might as well go back to court and skip the mediation. But you're likely scuppering the holiday as he's not going to be able to book anything without dates. You also need to remember that he could simply keep your son for 9 days if that's his interpretation of the court order. He may ask for forgiveness and not permission which will be even more stressful for everyone.

Remember if it goes to court the judge could order more contact, ex may request 50/50 and unless there's a good reason why not there's a good chance it will be awarded. Please consider the bigger picture, he's 2, you need to negotiate holidays for at least 10 more years (from about 12 the court will consider the child's views too) one year you might want the extended holidays. If you force the issue now he will not forget

@SlowMoFuckingToes we have to go to mediation. Its stated in the order we have to do that before going to court again if there are any disagreements. He could go any week he likes I know his situation at work and he can put holidays in when he likes, I have asked if he will go Fri until Saturday the following week which is 7 nights and 8 full days. The order states 7 nights, he has purposefully chose the other week so he gets longer. It's going to be a struggle for ds just for the 7 nights, it's not like i can sit him down and tell him what's happening and that he wont see me for a week.

I just dont understand why he wont do what the order says and have the 7 nights and 8 days. I even said he can keep hold of him for about 6 hours longer than he would normally return him so hes getting that full extra day. It's not me doing anything wrong I just want to stick to the order. He is quite capable of doing the 7 nights 8 days but he just won't. I'm getting nothing but abuse from him. And he wonders why am not eith him.

@stucknoue he cant do anymore contact than he already has due to work, he lives alone and works full time ifyen working away from home Mon - Fri so he definitely couldn't get 50/50.

I just feel I'm doing nothing wrong by wanting to stick to the order. He could go any week but hes chose to do it on his double weekend. The order states 7 consecutive nights no more. No mention at all about if it goes into normal contact time whereas Christmas and birthdays etc do mention this.

Just been through something v similar. All went my way in court! Stand your ground, do what is best for your children!

“@stucknoue he cant do anymore contact than he already has due to work, he lives alone and works full time ifyen working away from home Mon - Fri so he definitely couldn't get 50/50.“

Yes and that must be killing him to be away from his son so long.

My ex tries this rubbish as well. “Let’s stick to the order” when it suits her.

I’m guessing you opposed the 7 days in the first place? Hence being ordered to!
I think you should understand something. You and/or your ex couldn’t co-parent effectively for the child’s best interest. Therefore a judge has to make these decisions for you, you don’t get to allow or disallow things anymore. You get to go back to court and ask a judge to decide it for you.
This is what the judge told my ex and I would remind anyone trying to control the other parents time that you’ve got another 16 years of this.

@Parent999 no he doesn't work away all the time just now and again but either way hes not in a position to do 50/50. He sees ds also on a Wednesday too aswell as the weekend.

No actually I didn't oppose the 7 days, I asked for them because he was asking for 14 originally and the court agreed with me that it was far too long at DS's age and gave him the 7 nights. Yes I want to stick to the order because otherwise what's the point in having one. We need a one because no we cant co parent as I am a victim of DV this is why he is not allowed to come to my house, this is why we are not allowed to meet and this is why all handovers are done by my mum and the reason we have to communicate via book.

I've been on the phone to my solicitor today that originally dealt with the court case and he has clarified that I am indeed doing nothing wrong as I am making ds available for 7 consecutive nights like the order says. He said my exes usual contact Time does not come into it, it's a holiday provision for 7 consecutive nights and no more than that. I have said he can keep hold of ds for a few hours longer than normal so it makes it a full extra day and I am doing nothing wrong here. I am not trying to control his time I am sticking to the court order.