My daughters behaviour is worrying me

[Guest1233]

Sorry for the long post

My daughter is now 15, I have struggled with her behaviour all her life however it got worse when me and her dad split up 4 years ago.

I have always suspected she has adhd or add, however was always a model child at school most of the time. Until recently where I have had to attend meeting due to her absences.

I am not a fully strict parent but I do have rules all my children must follow. I am also supportive and fair.

My daughter has been struggling at school mostly arriving late (always had sleep problems but doctors couldn't help due to her age) we have been at least 3 times.

Anyway more recently she got herself a boyfriend. Hes 16 she was 14 at the time. I have always spoke openly about the facts of relationships etc. So when I found out he had already had sex I did have a chat with them. And explained it's an offence for them to be having sex and it's best to wait ect to they are both emotionally ready.

Now I have found out they have had sex
(At her dads when he let him sleep over in the same bed)

They and another friend was caught doing balloons in my house.

And now dad has let him sleep there again.

I sent her to her dads because I thought it would have been better for her. Now I feel I have failed her as a parent by sending her there. Her dad wants to be her friend he has even given her weed in the past, I hate to think what else!

Please can someone advise me, I was thinking of getting in touch with soical services but unsure if they will be to help

Hugs, I know how you feel.
What I’ve decided is to try at all cost to keep her close to me, to communicate. So I’m loving and understanding, but I have rules and I let her know if she’s breaking them. And act accordingly if she breaks them.
Her dad, like your DD’s dad wants to be her friend. I have tried talking to him and he’s just laughing. He’s told me I finally have my payment for being a controlling bitch. He does it to get to me, the idiot, ignoring the fact he is messing with DD.
So yes. She can come and go as she pleases, but she has to have the location on at all times, she earns her own pocket money and she helps with the house. And she has to work for her GCSEs. And if she’s in trouble at any point, she must must must call me, day or night.

I do not send her to her dad’s though. Never said ‘you can’t go’, but I am honest with her, I don’t put him on a pedestal, equally, I am not slating him, but I tell her the truth and let her make up her mind. He has already broken her heart and she has nothing but contempt towards him, but she uses him to get what she wants.
It’s hard. All I can do is be loving but fair.

She has always been for her dad, she took the break up extremely hard I think more so because he stopped seeing them got a gf then the Gf tried to be her mum, gragged her in the house one day.

I dont call dad but I have said his gf needs to take a step back. Anyway this was 3/4 years ago his gf now has a child if her own so not really interested in mine. But they do have EOW contact and let her do as she please ie:drink with them.

I feel I have pushed her away and I wont get her back now coz hes letting her do what she wants. I did ask her if she was staying at home on Friday but she said she doesn't know. I said ok be in for 10.30pm.

Then on Saturday I get a phone call from her boyfriends dad to say he hadn't been home.
When I spoke with her dad he said it was a one off but I explained he said that last time. They are sexually involved with each other and your allowing it under your roof. He said I didnt know that. I further explained that we had our first when I was 16 and I dont want the same for my girls. His reply was ok. Hes due his 7th child anytime soon, so i don't think he wants her kicking off.
She has meltdowns alot (well at home anyway) she sister and my sister who both have children with ADHD have said she will have a bad meltdown at his because he will have to say no at some point.

My daughter is a lovely child, who does not have any self confidence. i know she has her struggles, and I try so much to help her but she hates my rules. Now shes been at her dads I dont think she will come home.