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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Going to CMS

11 replies

starprint · 02/08/2019 00:43

Hello everyone, I’ve joined because I’m really at the end of my tether with my ex. I have a 13 year old daughter with him and we split up nearly 2 years ago.

My ex has always been a bit sticky with maintenance and has paid £20 a week on and off. I am grateful for this but my daughter is costing a fortune as a teenager, even on a sensible budget. £20 a week just about covers her school meals, bus to school and a little pocket money.

I have tried approaching my ex for an increase in child maintenance and he’s refusing to increase this at all. I’ve always been reasonable with him but it’s coming to a point where I’m seriously struggling. He’s been in the same job since we met and I know his rough salary from 2 years ago (when we split). I’ve just entered this into the CMS calculator and it turns out he should be paying me in the region of £75 a week. I’m an idiot for not realising this sooner. I’ve explained this to him and asked him to meet me half-way at £40 a week but he basically told me to F off.

I’ve thought about going to the CMS and I explained to him I can go to them to establish a £75 a week payment but I’d rather come to a fair agreement with him. He says if I dare go near the CMS, he will never pay me anything at all and he will be able to get away with it. He isn’t self-employed, he’s employed by a company.

I’m really in 2 minds here. £20 isn’t a lot but it is still something and more than a lot of single mums will be getting and for that I am grateful. So I’m not sure I want to rock the boat by going to the CMS. I wouldn’t use £75 a week but it sure would help and I could put the rest in a savings account for my daughter for when she is older.

Basically, I just want thoughts on my situation. What are the CMS like in terms of making dads pay? I’ve heard horror stories and I just want to know if it’s easy for him to get away with not paying, debts being racked up and non-recoverable. He will not give up his job, he has a house and a car to pay for so I don’t know if that counts for something.

OP posts:
Alislia17 · 02/08/2019 03:34

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Lonecatwithkitten · 02/08/2019 07:31

Go to the CMS they will get money from him if his employed. The money starts calculating from the day you call so even if he is tricky you will eventually get it, even if they have to take it direct from his pay.
Remember by not being fair he is making you do this you can not raise a child on thin air.

eve34 · 02/08/2019 08:15

Make the call. Grit your teeth for the abuse. Leave it in their hands. It takes time but they can do a deductions from earnings straight from his employer and you don't have to discuss it with him any further.

I know you want him to be reasonable and you gave him the opportunity. Don't give in to him bullying you. That is what he wants.

IggyAce · 02/08/2019 08:19

Make the call and stop this controlling twat getting off lightly. This money will help your dd why shouldn’t her father pay his fair share.

TeachesOfPeaches · 02/08/2019 08:22

What's his salary OP? If he is employed it is much easier to get the money than someone who is self-employed but can still be difficult if someone is totally unwilling. They can start start taking directly from his salary but that will take some time. If you have all of his details like where he works, his address etc CMS can get started straight away.

StrongerThanIThought76 · 02/08/2019 14:04

Unless you REALLY can't afford to live without his measly offering (I've been in the situation where £20 makes a huge difference) I'd be going straight to the CMS. Your daughter is missing out on nearly £3k a year.

As an aside, my ex kicked up a massive stink when CSA changed to CMS, wanted an informal agreement. I insisted as I needed official arrangements for a mortgage deal, turned out he'd had a £6k pay rise...

StrongerThanIThought76 · 02/08/2019 14:06

My ex also threatened to quit his job and move to Australia many times over maintenance. It's all hot air OP!

stilldontgiveaf · 02/08/2019 14:06

Well he won't get away with it because he's employed. They'll just end up deducting it directly from his wages. He's blowing hot air, just push past it and put the claim in.

sue51 · 02/08/2019 19:10

Call the cms and ignore his nonsense. £20a week on and off is insulting both you and his child. He should be ashamed.

pikapikachu · 03/08/2019 13:16

Just go to the CMS. Your dd is entitled to it and it shouldn't be something that causes so much stress.

Allli · 03/08/2019 13:31

Good luck with your claim I really hope you get more money as your child needs and deserves it. And when he’s made to pay and he moans at you about all the extra money he now has to give you, just remind him that you tried to accept less when you reasoned with him but he wouldn’t listen and anyway it’s not for you it’s for his child. What a shmuch. You’re well shot of him.

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