Coping with missing them when they’re away....

[Notopel]

Really missing my DS this week. He’s been away since Saturday and won’t be back until this Saturday.

I had arranged to pick him up earlier this evening (after a five hour drive), but then ex husband changed his mind and said that he’d keep him until Saturday as planned. 😓

I know it’s only a few more days but I’d been so looking forward to getting him back today. It’s only the two of us, so I feel his absence terribly.

I haven’t been sleeping great while he’s been away.

How do you get through the days when they’re away?

I hear ya, my dd is with her mum this week until Saturday I start to get really itchy by the end of the period. Thinking you were going to see son today then for it to change is the worst and I feel for you.
How long has it been since you split with his dad? I found it got easier over the years, I just buried myself in work or getting things ready for when child returns.
I also avoided places like the beach or family places, it was hard watching other people play happy families.

It gets easier. As the children get older they need you less and you carve out more time for you.

No one wants to miss out on anytime with their children. It sets good example that you find interests and friends for yourself.

My mum use to throw herself into housework and decorating when we went away with my dad. I started volunteering. Filled the time and gave me a sense of purposes. Also built new friendships with other single parents which helped.

I'm missing my DS too. I absolutely hate it when he's away. It's like I'm a mum with no child to look after and I feel bereft. I find weekends ok but this is almost 2 weeks and I'm right at the start of it.

I have made a list of jobs to get done and I am working everyday. When he gets home I have 2 weeks off with him.

I think it's worse as he just broke up for the hols and he's gone when he should be here playing. He hates school and finds it a slog so we love the holidays. I've put the paddling pool away but if he was here we'd be in it right now. It's making me depressed to be honest. I have a wonderful DP which does help but I do feel I am just putting on a brave face all the time.

I've come off social media as all my friends are having summer holiday fun with their kids.

I have looked into volunteering, I've started a course and I do more exercise when he's away but so far I haven't really found a way of actually being happy about the situation. Today I decided to just allow myself to be sad in the hope that by feeling what I feel I might feel better tomorrow.

I guess the other thing is is thinking what's the alternative, I could never have stuck it out with his Dad and I am pleased they have a good relationship. I just hate him being away for so long.

for you x

It’s so hard isn’t it?

I normally throw myself into work but I’m between roles at the moment - which is another thing to worry about.

Think it wouldn’t be hard if it wasn’t just the two of us but there’s this huge gap that he’d normally fill from morning till night.

Debating going to the supermarket now just so I can fill the hours before bed.

@Notopel yes worse if you would also usually be working? Can you get away for a couple days? That's what I usually do just to see friends or family and a change of scenery.

@mamamooloo Might do that for the next time he’s away in a fortnight. He’ll be away for two weeks that time and out of the country for part of it. I need to make a plan for how I’ll cope with that.

Hoping I’ll sleep tonight as I’m collecting him tomorrow. Making a picnic tonight so we can stop at a NT place on the way back.

Also get mine tomorrow morning, cant wait.

I think it's something you get used to after a while. My son is 9 and his dad and I split when he was 15 months.
We have approx half the week each, depending on my shifts and if either of us are out/busy. It's pretty flexible and amicable.
The first time he was away for a week I found it hard, then 2 weeks even harder. But I'd insist on regular contact, as in texts or phone calls.
We both go away with him for 2 weeks a year but he's got a mobile now we can text.
Keeping busy helps. Working helps. Going out helps.

His dad remarried a few years ago to the woman he had the affair with and initially it was hard imagining them playing happy families and there's me not having had a long term relationship since.
But it gets easier as time moves on.

Ouch, just ouch.
Not exactly the life we hoped for us and our children eh.

Ive just watched my two drive off laughing in the car with their dad and his girlfriend. She was the OW. Its been nearly four years and its gets easier. But seeing them laughing and smiling i felt so left out of their lives.

I have no issue with her being with exh but i have to try really hard to not dwell on the fact she gets what (however irrational) i see as my time with the kids.

Watching some of the videos I have of him, and of course he seems impossibly young and small now watching them back.

I just want him home now.

Hi

I know exactly how you feel mine is now 4 years down the line and it doesn’t get easier but don’t. I try and do stuff and catch up with people that would be boring for the children. I hate going into their rooms and only do it the day before they come back. I found it a really struggle and lost without them especially when they go for two weeks.

Sorry meant it does get easier but in a way it doesn’t.