Ex angry over my 'new' bf

[mumao]

Ex and I split a year ago. Things between us have been up and down (we also had a very short reconciliation in December). We have one dd together. She is 3.

I have been with bf for 6 months now. We have both met each other's kids at social situations (bf has two kids) beach, bbq etc when lots of other people have been around and we both felt that it was the right time to introduce the kids to each other. They have met casually maybe once or twice on these occasions.

Last weekend bf and I had a bbq with just us and the kids. No 'this is mummy's bf' or 'daddy's gf' etc. Just hanging out and the kids playing. We felt it was time that they get to know each other.

I have told ex this out of respect and he is flying off the handle. Saying dd is not safe around bf (no reasons at all) ex doesn't want dd around that dick head etc etc. I have known bf for a long time and he is a part of my wider social circle and I have no doubts about him.

I am also not rushing into anything and trying to respect ex but can't stay single forever!

How do I handle this situation? I've told him that I would obviously not be single forever etc etc and have tried to be kind.

I really want to move on with my life and am happy with new bf.

Any advice?? Has anyone been in this situation? I really just don't want the agro!

Thanks for reading

You have done the right thing by you and your dd. Taking things slowly and building up contact.

Your ex has no right to tell you who to date and spend time with. If he had genuine safe guarding issues then He could raise his concerns but he just wants to cause Agro.

Don't let him. You have been civil to let
Him know you are dating. The rest is
None of his business. Does
He have issue with other people around your dd? And your ability to keep her safe. Probably not. Try not to engage further with him on the subject.

Is your daughter living with you? How often does your ex see her?

I’d just ignore his bullshit and only reply to him about practical things to do with your daughter, contact arrangements, illness, school stuff etc. Your new relationship is none of his business.

You can't say her new relationship is "none of his business". Of course it is his business. They have a child together. He has a right to know who this man is.

Still too soon to be playing happy families. Just date him without the kids being present. If it all goes tits up you wont be needing to explain to your dd why she cant see her friends anymore.

@Mum56347 she does live with me and is with her dad 2 or 3 nights per week.

We don't think that 6 months is too soon. We have made a conscious decision. We are not rushing into 'playing happy families'. The kids have no idea we are in a relationship.. I don't see it as being any different than hanging out with a friend at this point.

And if it 'all went tits up' and dd couldn't see her friends anymore then that is just part of life isn't it? Friends come and go. Plus she won't be seeing them on a regular basis yet.. perhaps once every other week at most.

As I've said, we plan to take things very slowly!

But yes I will just ignore him right now. He can meet bf if were willing but has no interest.

Unless there are actual reasons for your new bf not being safe then I think you need to ignore what your ex is saying. In some ways it is his business as your bf will be around his child but equally you can’t live your life by how he wants you to.
It probably hurts him that another man is spending time with his DD and I think you can allow him that but don’t engage in it; I’d be saying something along the lines of I’m sorry you feel that way and if you have some real safety concerns we can talk about it but otherwise I’ll be continuing this relationship and starting to introduce DD to him.
I also think 6 months is about right; I met my DSD after 6 months when me and DH knew it was getting serious. Her mum was a bit funny about it at first but after she met me (quick cup of tea at her house) then things settled down and she was fine with me. It’s definitely more difficult when partners are hidden from ex’s.

Hi
Im in the same situation! My exh thinks it will be confusing for ds (2years) to meet my new bf & that he wont know who his dad is. Ive reassured him or tried to! That ds will always know who his dad is & not call anyone else dad or mum. Its really hard. Sorry no advice but i empathise completely.

I'm not sure... on the one hand I'm inclined to say ignore ex to a certain extent if he's being rude, or have an adult conversation about his concerns, but also that is way to soon to be introducing children to each other etc, I've been with new partner for 7 months and have two young ds, I'm certain about us and our relationship and think he's wonderful but there is no rush, we have agreed (myself, exh and new partner) that he won't be meeting my children for probably another year from now. What's the harm in waiting, just dating and enjoying each others company in the time we have free to see each other.