close to giving up...

[Bumblebum]

my dd is 3 and my ds is 4months. im really struggling with my dd. i threw myself into work when my x and i started to go downhill after she turned 1, so my mum cared for her almost full time. when i got pregnant with ds i finally snapped and kicked the lazy b***d out. so after a year living almost seperate lives im trying so hard to rebuild my relationship with dd but im on the verge of giving up and letting her go back to my mums. (this sounds stupid in my head because my mum lives on the next road to mine, but its the emotional seperation not the distance thats the issue).
anyway, im looking for some advice- how can i build that bond up? its made much harder with the fact that ds b/fs almost constantly!!!

Oh poor you, sounds like you're having such a hard time- not suprising with all this stuff you've been going through.

I would try to set aside a little time every day for one to one with dd - doing an activity like crafts, cooking with her or basically anything -even watching tv together. VERY hard when you have a 4 month old, but they do thankfully sleep a lot during the day. THe main thing I think is that you've realised the reasons why your relationship with dd has become strained/ disrupted. She has had a lot to deal with , a new baby in the house, her Dad has moved out, she's been at her Grandmother's a lot while you 'threw yourself in to work'. She has probably had to attach herself to your Mum as her way of coping with it. But her bond with you is still there underneath, you just have to make small steps back to gaining her trust and helping her to see how much you love her. Tell her you love her every day, for instance, and that you're sorry things have been hard for a while. Even small children will understand the sentiment, and the act of telling her will make you feel much better in yourself.

Don't let yourself be crippled by guilt. You are doing your best!