So worried for daughter

[idleandsunny]

My husband has said he is leaving our 20 relationship because he doesn’t love me any more. Our child is 5 years old. We will co-parent.

I’ll be ok (Eventually. I think) but I’m terrified for my daughter. We have a wonderful group of couples with children who we constantly hang out with, BBQ’s, parks, pub at least twice a week but that’s all going to change isn’t it? Who will want a single mum there? It’s a completely different dynamic.

This whole area is packed full of happy families. I don’t know one divorced couple amongst my friends or wider circle. Everyone seems to stay together forever.

My daughter is very very social and loves seeing people, both adults and children. She’s also an only child obviously. I am so so worried for her happiness.

Can anyone who’s been in a similar situation advise? Or reassure me?

Anyone got any advice?

You will both be ok. I am sure your daughter is at school with a wide variety of children with different family background. I'm sure she doesn't question them when making friends.

Your circle of friends might change it might not. I have some friends-couples from before ex left that I am still friends with. I have also gone out and looked for new friends single mums as they are more readily up for odd days out.

Your dd will adapted. She is young. My parents split when I was 5. I have no memories of my parents together at all.

Thanks for the reply @eve34. I literally don’t know where I’d look to find single mum friends. This is such a young family area. I don’t know anyone divorced. I even went through my FB and there was none....

I have the same couples with kids friends as pre divorce, I'm now with someone else and I'm also friends still with another of my friends who is a single mum now. We still organised the same stuff, why do you think they won't want you because you got divorced? Your daughter will be fine, kids are very resilient x

@raspberryk I worry because they’re all fairly new friends - as in about 2 years so there’s not loads of history. And it’s always been about all of us couples meeting up. I feel like I’ll be the pariah. I mean I’m not going to be invited round for a Saturday night dinner party on my own am I?

Only you will feel that I think, they won't.

Instigate an outing, with them without your husband. If they ask where he is tell them he's leaving you. Be proactive.

And you need to pull on your big girl pants and face this, tell him to hurry up and leave so you can move on with your life. He's clearly asking you to beg for him not to, don't lower yourself. The longer you stay with the wrong person the longer you are not with the right one.

You will be fine.

@idleandsunny I joined single parent group through face book. And made a good friend through that.

Things will change. But maybe not in the ways you think. Try not to over think it. Gather good people around you. They will want to support you

Thanks @eve34 I took a quick look and there aren’t any local ones but can join a national one and hope. I’m in London so some people must live here!!

If they’re friends then talk to them about it. I know this might sound a bit jaded but in my opinion social groups don’t usually care about your circumstances as long as you’re the life of the party and a good laugh. It’s the moping or slating the ex that usually pushes “friends” away.
Don’t you have anyone you can buddy up with? Brother? Work colleague?
I know it’s easier said than done but I’d just own it, make like nothing has changed and you’re getting on as normal. Even if you’re dying inside. Fake it till you make it

It’s more likely that even if they feel uncomfortable around you (unlikley!) they will still invite your DD if their kids want her there, so you probably have nothing to worry about.

If they are good friends it won't matter! I split up with ex dh when my dc were young, friends that I had only know for a short time, were amazing. We were still invited to everything and 10 years on they are some of my dearest friends.
Talk to them about your fears, if they are friends worth having they will listen and be there for you.

I’m sorry about what’s happening. Please remember, though, that if these people drop you because you’re not “coupled up” then they are not your friends and therefore are no loss to you or to your daughter. And if they’re real friends, they’ll make just as much effort to include you and your DD. So please try not to worry.

The thing about divorce is that you will lose friends. Some women stop inviting you to things because they worry about their men’s loyalty. Some men suddenly think you’re gagging for it because you’re single and try to cheat on their wives with you. Some people you thought were friends will suddenly turn on you and decide to ‘take sides’.

My ex was an expert manipulator and I ended up with a ton of friends turning on me from the lies he told.

But you WILL be ok. Because whilst losing those faithless disloyal turn coats you will learn who is a true friend and who is worth your time and energy. You can try new things and find new circles and in time you’re social circle may even be better.

Your child will be fine. You will still be able to let her socialise. Her friends list may narrow temporarily but then expand again :)

Oh and believe me, they won't all be happy families behind closed doors!

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement. They’ve really cheered me up