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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Christmas Nightmare

14 replies

Amanda1 · 17/09/2004 11:33

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Avalon · 17/09/2004 11:46

Hi Amanda, just wanted to respond, although not a single mum.

I don't think you're being selfish at all. It sounds a lovely idea for you to spend Christmas on the farm. Your dd's dad can come round another day to see dd during the Christmas/New Year period.

tammybear · 17/09/2004 11:48

This will be dd's 3rd christmas. First one, I was with exp, then we split up before the second one. Dd's birthday is 10 days before Christmas so he came to spend that with us last year as it was her first birthday, but was with his family for Christmas. Im not sure what we'll be doing this year. I'll be wanting to spend it with my family again, as dp is working Boxing Day so I wont be able to spend it with him. I think exp will probably want dd with him (like that's going to happen) but it will be too uncomfortable for all of us if he came, and it'll just ruin Christmas as bad as that sounds.

I personally dont think you're being selfish for wanting to spend it with your dp. Your exp might not approve of it, but you have a life too. He got the best of both worlds last time, but they cant always have it go their way, can they?

JanH · 17/09/2004 11:50

Doesn't sound selfish to me, Amanda. It would probably be a good idea to get DD to choose though - what she wants is most important really. The farm sounds like a lovely Christmas for all of you but try to put the options to her as neutrally as poss so you won't feel you "led" her into choosing what you want! Good luck

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Amanda1 · 17/09/2004 12:00

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bellbottoms · 18/09/2004 21:55

amanda1, i so terribly agree, you're not being selfish and isn't it better for all of you (you, exp & dd) that you all get to spend a very special day- whole day - together, you & dd on xmas day (25th) and your exp & dd (and you if you still need to be there for dd) on another day - the 26th or 27th? and dd gets 2 whole xmas's, the best ever! my advice is just to start the discussion asap - I went and booked a holiday over xmas, returning on 27th, assuming (and because I was putting it off!) that exp. would be ok about having a big xmas together instead on the 27th- as we did last year, when I was only pregnant! so this is my ds's 1st xmas. my exp thinks we should spend very xmas together 'for the children' (but there's only 1 and we were only togther for 6 wks), he just doesn't want to go his parents for xmas, and they'd love to have him! sorry - i'm going into my thing, but he absolutely hit the roof when I told him, and I realised I should have discussed it all with him before fully deciding for myself, even just to let him think he had some say... but it is time for you to move on and I personlly think your dd will be less torn if the days she celebrate's are seperate..she's just cares about being loved by you both (oh, and presents!).

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Amanda1 · 20/09/2004 08:12

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anorak · 20/09/2004 08:35

When my ex still used to see our daughters, we used to have them for alternate Christmases. Whoever didn't see them at Christmas would have them for New Year. That way the girls didn't miss out on enjoying family occasions which involved being miles away.

Your ex should be reminded that the decision should be based on what is going to be the best experience for DD, not him.

Sheila · 01/10/2004 13:16

My ds (4.5yo) usually has 2 Christmases: a Dad one (Xp comes for the day just before Xmas and ds gets presents from both of us) and then Xmas day itself which we usually spend with my family.

This is just about OK - I have no new partner (nor does XP) so there's no competition, but I must say I find it harder and harder to be around XP even for the shortest amount of time.

I also hate not being able to have Xmas in my own home, on my terms. I hate having to tout myself round my relatives to see who'll have us.

Couldn't you have your dd for Xmas on alternate years? Seems the only fair way to do it, if you can't bear to be in the same space as your X.

God it's difficult, isn't it?

harman · 01/10/2004 13:36

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Amanda1 · 01/10/2004 16:07

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Twinkie · 01/10/2004 16:14

Any court would uphold that you get alternate Christmases - as much as I detest X2b and what he has put me through and I hate his family DD is also his daughter and he must be able to see her little face when she comes down on Xmas morning too - I want DD to have memories of Xmas with both of her families as well as holidays and other family time - believe me its hard and lonely being away from her on Xmas day but we make it extra special the next day.

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Amanda1 · 01/10/2004 16:29

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harman · 01/10/2004 19:41

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Amanda1 · 02/10/2004 16:28

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