Ok long story so apologies in advance
I (33, DD2) met ex (43, DS25, DS23, DD18) in October 2017 and he said he had been split with his wife for 6 months. We dated November till New Years Day when he pushed for us to be a couple. In March I found out that I was pregnant. I was on the the pill, he had told me he had a vasectomy and we had already had sexual health checks.
The night I told him I was pregnant, he told me he had cheated with his ex wife ONS. I said to him to go back to her if that made him happy as we had always said that we were not serious, was just a bit of fun that was "exclusive". He swore blind he didnt want her and cried as he begged me to stay.
I wanted an abortion originally and he get saying how great a baby would be as his kids were grown up and his DD was pregnant at time. I then went on a family holiday that was booked before I met him. Whilst away, he alternated between saying how much he missed me and was counting the time till I was home, then saying he was struggling with the idea of the baby.
When I came home, we agreed to get an abortion and then he messaged saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship and then cut contact. I went to the clinic and found out I was further along than thought, 10 weeks instead of 4 weeks. This made it a medical procedure than just taking a pill.
I panicked and got advice from close family members and we decided to keep the baby. Told him and he said he didn;t want us to be together but would stand by the baby which we agreed. In between, I was told that he was back with his ex-wife. He kept denying this until she messaged me, saying I got pregnant to trap him (FYI a semi-alcoholic who works cash in hand to get around the system is not my idea of a commitment guy) and saying they never split up, I was just being used by him and he never loved me etc. She also said that she pitied my daughter and the baby to be for being my children as I was obviously a shit mother.
During the pregnancy, she kicked off and sent me abuse whenever I put anything on SM about the baby despite me not having a public profile or acknowledging them in any way so obviously someone was reporting back to her what I put on mine. All i put on there was the scans and when my daughter was sweet about the baby to be.
Towards the end of the pregnancy, he then began messaging me stating he wanted 50% contact and he wanted the baby to have his surname and he wants a DNA test.
I agreed to the DNA test but refused the surname as I dont think you can demand that if you want reassurance that its your baby. This went on the last 10 weeks of the pregnancy, having the same arguments over and over again despite me saying that we had polyhydramnia as the pregnancy was difficult. Throughout the pregnancy Id asked to meet to discuss and sort out arrangements but he had refused until I was ill and then he wanted to meet sp I refused. He was insisting on the 50% contact from birth inclding taking the baby while a couple of days old to meet his family etc.
My son was born following a week in hospital as we were at risk of cervical prolapse which can severely harm the baby. I let him know the baby was born and then 3 days later, he replied to ask when he could come and do the DNA test. He was demanding that his wife came despite the stress she put me through in the pregnancy so I refused. In the end, his daughter messaged me saying she wanted her daughter to know my son so could he do the test. I agreed so he came to the hospital (we had gone back in due to jaundice). He refused to even look at his son saying he didn't want to build a bond in case.
He then contacted me 2 weeks after to say that he wanted to register the baby, I said I had already done this. He then got angry and asked when he could pick the baby up. I said that i thought best he go through a solicitor as I didn't feel 50% was appropriate in the circumstances.
My son was then hospitalised for most of January due to low weight problems. He has special milk and we still meet a dietician and consultant regularly to try and help him. I made him aware both times and asked for family medical history but he ignored me until pressured and then said they had no problems. This is the entirety of the contact.
My son is now 8 months old and is the friendliest little man. He is a little small in size and developmentally behind the standard but everyone who meets him loves him cos he has the biggest grin for everyone. He just wants to be everyone's friend and even the cleaners in the hospital stop to chat to him because he is such a happy pleasant dude. My daughter is dotty over him and they are so sweet together. I feel like I should offer my ex a chance to have contact with him, mainly for my son to meet his brother and sister and his niece who is 3 months older than him.
My big questions are:
1 - Was i unreasonable?
2- Do I offer him contact now things are calm and hormone-free?
3 - Should I offer contact directly to his daughter to meet her brother given her message at the time of the DNA test?
4 - How do I go about any of this?