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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Dumped at 4 months Pregnant

13 replies

AliceWondersWhy · 04/07/2019 12:48

My partner of a year and a half dumped me by email when I was four months pregnant (i'm now 5 months). The baby was planned and I thought we were all set to have the baby and get married and live a long happy life together. He didn't really give a reason other than he didn't want to move. We would need a bigger house to accomodate another child as we both had kids from previous relationships. Which I guess just means that he changed his mind about the whole thing. He's now cut me out of his life completly and refuses to talk to me. No finantial help has been offered or given.

Can anyone tell me anything about my rights or give me some advice on how the hell to survive this?

This baby was wanted and planned, as far as i am aware there's been no cheating or even bad feeling. I'm completly stunned that a grown man can treat someone like this.

I'm already a single mother of a 3 year old and I'm freaking out completly at how to survive with a newborn as well. Never mind the money situation.

How can a man be allowed to legally do this??? I'm so angry and heartbroken I can't think straight.

Help and Advice please!

OP posts:

blankcheque · 04/07/2019 13:03

I don't think there is much you can do as you were not married I'm not married and have a child with someone, so no judgement.

You should claim for child maintenance once the baby is born and find out if there is anything else you can get benefits wise to support you. I believe he has to prove he is not the father otherwise he has to pay in theory.

Are you working now?

ISmellBabies · 04/07/2019 13:17

Sorry for your situation but are you saying you think he should legally have to stay in a relationship with you? He does have to support the baby but only starting when it's born. You need to see him for the waste of space he is though and not be trying to pursue a relationship with him. Who wants someone so unreliable and irresponsible! You can do so much better.

sneakypinky · 04/07/2019 13:42

How can a man be allowed to do what, break up with someone?

There is nothing at all you can do, aside from apply to CMS for support.

Original poster

AliceWondersWhy · 04/07/2019 14:19

@ISmellBabies how can he be allowed to purposely create a life, wait till its too late for me to have a choice on whether I keep the child, then just walk away and have no finantial/emotinal/physical responsibilty. I don't think anyone should stay in a realtionship they arn't happy in but they should have a responibility for the child they created and the women caryring it during the pregnancy as well as the birth.

OP posts:

justaminiit · 04/07/2019 14:33

Yep I'm in the same situation and men are fucking dickbags sometimes. Said he'd be there and support me when I told him it (pregnancy and birth and having a newborn with a toddler) would be hard etc...now he's fucked off and left me to do it on my own again. Yep I think it's a scummy thing of men to do to get someone pregnant while telling them they will be there and support them because it's going to be hard but you make that decision together and then while you're bearing the brunt of pregnancy they get to fuck off and do there own thing and whatever you decide is going to have a massive physical and emotional impact on you. But having said all that- what can you do? Try to stop thinking about the worthless twunt and focus on what you want your life to look like when the baby gets here and focus on your mental health and feeling good in yourself now. Good luck 😉

justaminiit · 04/07/2019 14:34

Their* sorry super tired

minmooch · 04/07/2019 14:46

How can a man be allowed to legally do this??? I'm so angry and heartbroken I can't think straight.

This is one of the reasons why it is always better to be married to the father of your child. It makes the whole process of sorting financial responsibilities at least a little easier.

Unfortunately you have left yourself very vulnerable. Best to get some proper advice - see a solicitor if you can; make an appointment with the CAB.

IDontGiveABagOfDicks · 04/07/2019 14:48

Being married wouldn’t stop her partner leaving her whilst pregnant nor would it mean he has to pay whilst she’s pregnant.

Call CMS as soon as baby is born. He doesn’t need to be on the birth certificate for this to happen.

Bluerussian · 04/07/2019 15:04

It sounds like he panicked, most people wouldn't desert a pregnant woman if their baby was planned. However a lot of men agree to having a baby but live in cloud cuckoo land, thinking it won't happen or not now.

I feel very sorry for you, it is so hurtful.

He must pay maintenance when the baby arrives so, as others have said, contact CMS. It would be nice to think that he will feel bad about the situation and offer to pay support without you needing to go through them. I hope so but be prepared for him not to. You must put yourself and children first.

All the very best to you, your 3 year old child and the one you're expecting.

minmooch · 04/07/2019 17:17

@IDontGiveABagOfDicks no marriage wouldn't have prevented him leaving her but I read the op as she is not even living with her partner let alone married to him. Being married would have provided much more security.

This man is behaving appallingly but the op has put herself in a very vulnerable position.

Hindsight however is a wonderful thing.

Let's hope he has just panicked but I'm not sure I could forgive such behaviour. Op now needs to get good advice on what benefits she can access and how to ensure he provides for their child when s/he arrives.

smallereveryday · 05/07/2019 07:49

Planning children whilst not married is a very vulnerable position to put yourself in unless you are financially independent. Not just during early pregnancy but have your own financial backup to cover maternity and any period you expect to be at home after Mat leave finishes.

Whilst marriage does not stop someone leaving, it does mean that you would have a joint home (rented or mortgaged) that you would both be jointly liable for. Thus cutting your housing costs.

It also makes it harder and more complicated to walk away and usually means an entitlement to a share of your husbands property/savings if there are any.

You say you already have a three year old from a previous relationship. ? So you have experience of being a lone parent. ! I would just put one foot in front of the other and concentrate on your family .
Oh - and don't have anymore children unless he is prepared to marry. No marriage , no commitment and it's the commitment that is the important bit when planning babies .

IDontGiveABagOfDicks · 05/07/2019 09:28

I was married when ExH fucked off and I was pregnant. He didn’t pay for anything. He’s difficult to get child support from because he job hops and CMS are useless. He doesn’t see DD through his own choice.

It didn’t give me any protection from anything.

Starlight456 · 05/07/2019 12:17

I get you are hurt and angry . Financially he can’t walk away .

As for everything else he is a prize prick.

You will be fine . You have done this before, no idea of the ages of the children but while in trimester 2 , get the children working on there next steps in independence.

Don’t focus on him and what is and isn’t fair. Get support in place where you can . As you get closer to birth try batch cooking so food is easily available

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