Best things / worst things about being a lone mum / dad

[Beeble33]

What do you think are best things and the worst things are about being a single parent? I have been single mum for 2.5yrs now and at first I couldn't find anything to be positive about..... but when I see my sister argue and disagree about discipline with her husband I am happy that it's just my rules in this household.... I might not be right but at least it's a consistent message.

Worst thing... bit boring being alone night after night and having NO money / no help at all!

sometimes it would be nice to have someone else take over for a bit when i feel stressed

Wouldn't it be nice.. you know when you're really tired. My friends were talking about the arrangement they had with their husbands; one of them does Saturday morning and one of them does the Sunday morning. I felt so jealous. Not because they had lovely husbands but because they got to sleep... god, how lovely would a proper lie in be!

i used to have lie ins like that wehn i was still with my exh
but i used to wake up to carnage, or was woken up at the dot of my lie in ending, and be expected to get up, so he could go back to bed and i clear the chaos up

and his lie in somehow took him an extra 3 hours to stumble out from

I'm lucky enough to have a helpful & involved ex, so best things are:

• Regular nights off (whe DD is with her Dad every other weekend) - I have a better social life than any of my married friends

• Lie-ins once week

• Going on dates

• Being mistress of the house - no one can quibble with my decisions, rules & whims (DD tries, but you know what I mean)

• No one to undermine my discipline / rules with DD

Worst things are:

No one to reinforce my discipline / rules with DD

Money

Er, that's it

Mine is the lack of a sex life and knowing that if i have a really tiring day that i can pass bath duties and bedtime onto someone else.

I do find it hard to remember what it was like when he was here then i remember that i still done all the work then. I think i actually have more time off now that ds goes to his dads.

I have a messier house now.

Best things : Having no one to answer to about anything.

Worst things : Being so damn lonely is the worst for me, closley followed by the boredom and lack of sex, affection and conversation about nothing in general. Oh and the never ever getting a break.

The best is the freedom over my money, it is gettign spent on what i want and how i want.

I get the bed to myself now and i can go to bed as late or as early as i want

I can eat curry every night for a week or whatever i want and not get complaints.

I can flirt with all the men i want to. I can flirt well now when i want to.

My friends are all proud of me for what i have achieved.

I have a mortgage all to myself now which i am paying off with no help from x.

I am happier when i dont have a man.

I have loads of new great friends that i really appreciate.

My independence i dotn want to rely on anyone else again

There are loads of great things but i cant post them all.

I do miss things but i dont have to put up with the crap that goes with relationships. One day i will find someone that is worthy of us and that could be good.

Best: Having my own rules & having no-one to answer to

Worst: The stress of having children testing me because daddy isn't here, and feeling exhausted because there is nobody around to help me out.
Also the lonliness, especially of an evening, and I feel a bit odd going to any kind of get together where everyone is a couple other than me.

I can be totally addicted to Big Brother unashamedly. Or actually, feeling total shame but not caring!

Weekends are hard though

worst thing no help espeacially when kids ill or like 2night as i was putting them 2 bed realised I had no nappies, crap they been bathed and in pjs so dont want 2 take them out but cant leave them. Best thing when you see what nice thoughtful people they are growing up in2 and u realize that u have helped them acheive that despite not having much help. Also despite not having much money, the money I do have I am in control and spend it on want it needs to be spent on and I know where Im upto with money, unlike b4

I'm another lucky one with a helpful co-parent who just doesn't live with us (and is in no way in a couple relationship with me). So I get2-3 nights off a week. Ok so he leaves wet towels on the floor after bathing DS and uses half the kitchen to cook his dinner but - so do I.
Best things: not having to worry about looking after or pleasing a man (not something I've ever been much bothered about)
Not having any interference with my house rules (ok so DS is getting big enough to be unco-operative but I'm still the adult in charge)
Whn DS is in bed I can do whatever I like in terms of eating, reading, MNing and sleeping
Not answerable to anyone for my own life (of course am answerable to DS dad, grandparents etc should I do anything awful to or with DS)

Worst things - sometimes it would be nice to have another adult for company on trips to the park or events - just someone to grab the LO while you go to the loo or queue for a sandwich - or indeed while doing the shopping.

BEST THINGS: Not having to compromise on any issues including discipline, finances, and how to bring up my daughter. Not losing my sense of 'self' (as I tend to do in a relationship)and feeling totally in control of my life. Being fulfilled as a mother but feeling free and single to enjoy male company, evenings out and have a fulfilling career.

WORST THINGS: Being surrounded by 'smug couples' who 'disapprove' of my lifestyle and verge on pity. Sometimes feel like bellowing out from the mountaintops that yes, I am a single parent, but I am happy to be one and would not swap my position with 99% of the married women that I know.

MishMish, i know what you mean about the pity..only ten minutes ago dd's friend came round to play and her mum didnt realise i split with dh a while ago.
i told her, and her face fell and she said "oh you poor thing, how are you coping? so youre actually on your own ?

so i grinned and said "yeah its bloody great, no men doing my head in, nobody cluttering up the place with their mess!"

and she still looked at me like i'd gone mad..

i hate hate hate the pity, i am proud to be doing it on my own and i actually ENJOY it!!!

the bad points are:

1.the evenings and nobody to help with bath and bed time

2. loneliness, no sex. no affection

3. poverty: lack of 2 wages or one decent wage any way!

The best things for me are being able to spend all my time doing the things I like to do with DD; spending on things I probably shouldn't do but having no one to tell me off and being able to make the big decisions regarding DD's life by myself.

The worst things are I feel so lonely. I'm not the sort of person who gets on well by myself. I worry about our safety when we get our own place next year and spending evenings by myself once DD's in bed. I feel terribly jealous of happily married friends, especially by best friend who's trying for her 2nd baby even though I know it's totally wrong to feel that way. Also, I miss not having to share each milestone with.

must agree - have been a sp for a long time.

top of the list is definately lonliness. have great kids, loads of mates and a few real close friends. but theres times when i do something or see something and wish i could share it with someone. and theres the mundane dull stuff which is far more fun when theres two of you. have a sort of partner - is a long distance, hardly see her kind of thing. doesnt stop me being a lone parent which at times is really crap.

other than that, i dont mind being skint and doing everything meself.

I am finding that the best things are:

No one putting me down all the time and making me feel crap about myself (tho my ex manages to do that every time we see each other to drop off DS)

Only have one child to look after as my ex behaved like a teenager and took no responsibiltiy for anything so is actaully easier just me and DS

I actually have more money now as ex was crap with money and so wasteful whereas I am good with money

Much less frustration as I felt when ex and I were togehter as I was doing everything yet to the outside world I had a partner

The worst things:

People looking down on me and disapproving of my lifestyle choice. Yes, I would far prefer to be happily married to a lovely kind, considerate husband but I'm not - I ended up with a man who promised the earth and didn;t provide it so I made the choice to leave him for the sake of mine and my child's happiness, yet many people seem to think that I should have stayed with ex in order not to break up ds's family - what family was that exactly? Ex was never home, when he was he was in bed in an alcoholic stupor - family life ha

Loneliness in the evenings and at weekends when everyone else is with their family

The sheer exhaustion at doing everything on your own with no hope of a break

Over all though I am much happier on my own that I was with my Ex but I would love to meet some one and have a proper family and more babies!

oh who are we trying to kid?

being a lone parent is shit!

being a single person isnt, but being a lone parent is. you get on with it, and do your best...but its still shit.

Nightowl... but it's not as shit as being with a partner who beats you or the kids, is it?

Here Here nightowl!!

With me its the feeling isolated and feeling like a burden asking for help.

Best bits are getting through the end of the day knowing I have managed to feed clean and cuddle my two older children as well as my 8 week old baby without breaking down. Its quite a buzz I tell you