How often does your ex see your child(ren)?

[BigRedLondonBus]

My ex hasn’t seen our 4 children in 2 years. He contacted me a few weeks ago saying he would like to see them again, I took some time to think about it and due to sheer desperation (I am alone with them as have no family) I decided to let him see them again. He has seen them once (last weekend) and today said he would take them to the cinema next week, I asked him what day and he said the weekend or next week end “we will see how it goes” he cannot make any plans with them ever, he has always been like this. It’s all when he feels like it (so he will say the day before or whatever) so if it’s not next weekend but the following that will be 3 weeks since he last saw them. I honestly dont feel like they need him in their life especially when he can’t offer any consistency or regular contact it always is down to when he can be bothered or if he isn’t doing anything. How often do your exes see your children? Just wondering what others do?

How old are they? I can't see how it could be good for them for him to swan in and out of their lives every few months or years.

They are 2, 5, 7 and 8 and yes he left me when i was pregnant with the youngest and didn’t hear from him again until a few weeks ago. I should have never let him back to see them but was desperate for some kind of help but I feel he has made it clear he won’t be stepping up

So your 2yo doesn't even know him??

What a disgrace he is.

Does he pay for them? Child Maintenance?
Why did he leave?

I accidentally overheard a couple.
The dad wants to leave and wishes he never had kids.
Apparently his divorced friends have great lives!!
I thought to myself as I was passing them with the CM he has to lay he wouldn't be able to go out with his Divorced mates.

Nope she doesn’t know him. He left due to mental health issues which he has now got help for but he disappeared with completely no contact for 2 years, and no he doesn’t pay maintenance as in the 2 years he wasn’t working or complaining benefits... apparently

Once a month for one of them and not for ten years for the other two.

I'm going to say, don't bother with him. Go with what your body and brain us telling you.

It well end up causing difficulty and misery your routines will be upset your DCs will be confused and questioning and ask yourself;

how will I benefit from this, how will MY life be better.

I know there are loads if people who will witter on that there must be contact, but they are not in your situation.

Was he a consistent person before he upped and disappeared? Is there any way he can confirm that he has changed for the better, like his go writing you a letter saying he'd done the MH assessments, he takes his meds, he has regular blood tests and checks, he's done his therapy. It us he just expecting you to take his word.

How much has he done to show you that he's now a better man? Is he being proactive in telling you stuff or do you have to eak it out of him?

Overall ask yourself, will my life (and by extension the DC's) life be better for all this?

Is a hard hard job being a lone parent to four under the age of 10, I only have two who are 10 & 13. so I'm going to vote don't make your life harder.

correction

...like his go writing you...

should read

...like his GP writing you...

I just don’t feel like going 3 weeks between seeing them is good enough. He hasn’t seen them in 2 years so you would think he would want to see them more regularly now he’s apparently better I don’t have proof of it no I took his word for it. He hasn’t changed at all and no he was never regular before all of this he has always refused to make any plans and said he will see them as and when he can (but he doesn’t work so it’s not like that is in the way) I honestly think he only wants to see them if he hasn’t had a better offer hence refusing to stick to any routine contact.

No contact for 2 years here. Intermittent and at times unpleasant contact for the 12 years before that.

Purposefully gave up work in 2005 so he wouldn’t have to pay maintenance. Hasn’t worked since.

One child is over 18 now. The other will probably never see him again.

No contact for 12 years. My son is 12. He stay less than a mile away and had another child. He pays CMS but only through wages being arrested. He is out of our lives, we've accepted this. I have encouraged my son to meet his father when he is older but be prepared for disappointment. I feel really sorry for my son and terrible guilt at giving him have such a useless father. The guilt of my decision to get pregnant by this man left me with mental health issues. If I had my time again I would have held of for a really decent man, but I don't know how to spot one. I have remained single since I'm too scared to make another stupid choice and consider myself to be of bad judgement where men are concerned. My son is very well supported and loved by myself and he knows it!

I would be clear he either commits to regular contact or doesn’t bother.

How can you work with he might come at some point and the children are going to be constantly let down . 4 children is bloody hard work ( as you clearly know) but 4 children you don’t know he is highly unlikely to ever repeat .

Mine btw . No contact for 9 years since Ds was 3

Not for years, and even then it was "I'll just pop in and see them because I'm on my way to visit XYZ ". It's no loss.