do you ever wonder what you saw in your dcs dad

[mojosmum]

i cant believe that my dds dad is the same man i fell in love with he is spitful nasty & starting toget verbally agressive he wants it all his way doesnt consider dds feelings & when i bring up her feelings he says im putting these words into her head which make me more upset as if he knew dd he would know she is very strong minded & nobody could make her think or say something she doesnt want to

i so hate this man

JeanieG: how do the DCs feel about that? It does sound nasty, bullying, childish and selfish of him, of course - but do they have your surname because he's never lived with them or married you, or do they have your surname because you reverted to your own name after a divorce or separation? Have you considered offering the compromise of double-barrelling the names?

Madamez-The DC's don't seem too bothered by it. They are not too keen on spending time with him anyway. DD has refused to go with him for 10 weeks now.

Re the names:- DD was originally registered in my name as he didn't turn up to register her (too busy having an affair) but DS asked if he could have the same surname as me as (in his words), "I want my family's name".

I have asked them if they would like to double-barrel their name but they both said no.

Well it sounds like your XPs behavhiour over the names is part of a pattern of unpleasant behaviour round his DCs which they are big enough to notice and not want to put up with. SO it sounds like you don't need to do anything much except carry on being the good mum to them that you obviously are. His fault, his loss.

Madamez-thank you.

No I know what I saw in him.

Part of me wishes I'd had better luck in meeting Mr Wrong, the other part thinks I'm lucky, I could have met worse. Looking back I think I probably was never going to have a healthy functioning relationship with anyone and I might as well have had a dysfunctional relationship with him as with anyone else.