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How do you manage the exhaustion? I'm really struggling.

5 replies

SeagullPoopOnYourHead · 11/06/2019 19:13

I'm on my own with 2 kids. One has quite severe behaviour problems which can be extremely challenging.
I work full time, I have no option to drop my hours as we need the money. I'm trying to batch cook, choose easy meals and take short cuts with housework but I just can't keep up. I'm so tired. The kids don't help much.....I've tried to rope them in but it doesn't last.
I've become really resentful of my boyfriend because it feels like he looks the other way when I'm struggling. My mum makes me feel guilty if she helps- I made it clear that I was really struggling and she changed the subject that I hadn't thanked her for a book she bought me Sad

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
carly2803 · 11/06/2019 22:51

have you looked into universal credit/tax credits - sometimes you are better of dropping hours. entitledto.co.uk have a look

As for help, eliminatepeople out of your life who cant even offer emotional support. They area drain on the already hardness that is single parenting

RippleEffects · 11/06/2019 23:03

Hierarchy of needs. You need to look after the DC in the sense they eat, sleep, are clothed, washed do their basic schoolwork. You need money coming in to cover house, food, clothes. You need to eat, sleep etc.

Beyond the essentials consider all the periferals.

Are you running ragged going from activity to activity with the DC?

Are you making constructive use of your mum if she is able to help to counter the negative impact of the criticism? My mum drove me up the wall so in the end in the full knowledge she was going to judge and make her feelings of my inadequacy known I used to leave the ironing and save stained clothes to ask her advice on. Even though she huffed and puffed about how I was getting behind with an ironing pile that big, it focused her critique in that more manageable area and it helped me out.

Do you have energy for a boyfriend who is turning his back on you struggling - if he's hanging around and not helping out would you be better off backing off to just dating when it suits you?

Are you eating well and getting to bed early enough to have a good night's sleep, Everything feels worse when you're tired?

Housework if it's getting on top of you maybe as a minimum go for one tidy room that you can retreat too. I found keeping some of the DC's stuff boxed out of reach helped stop too much toy spread around the house.

Starlight456 · 12/06/2019 11:46

How old is one without challenging behaviour?

My friend just drew up a jobs chart for her 9 and 12 year old and it’s working.

I do half hour tidy time in our house sometimes . We put on music ( son’s choice is more effective) and set timer for half an hour. If after that time Ds has helped he is done and I carry on. It does work.

Get to bed early . I find by night time I have no energy so do nothing except sit on the sofa knowing I have loads to do . I’m the morning I am much more productive

BigRedLondonBus · 15/06/2019 22:31

Sorry no advice: but in the same boat only with 4 and totally alone. I told my sister I’m struggling and she doesn’t understand or help. How old are your children?

SeagullPoopOnYourHead · 16/06/2019 11:08

Sorry for late reply. Kids are 11 & 12. We've had a massive tidy up of the house this weekend, my son has been a brilliant help.
I think maybe drawing up a list of chores might work for him but my daughter (who has the behaviour issues) wouldn't manage that unless I micromanage it for her which kind of defeats the point. That said she cooked dinner last night so perhaps I can rope in her help that way, she loves peeling and chopping veg and is becoming a really good little chef.
Only room left to sort is the kids so will get that done now......trying to meal pls for the week ahead and choose quick cheap meals but my mind is blank. Just feels like my head is constantly full of things I need to do- I think that's what is actually getting to me the most, the mental strain.

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