Enabling contact

[TheOrigFV45]

I have asked this on my on-going thread in relationships, but I think that's dropped off people's 'watch' list, so I'll ask again here.

Long history of emotional abuse.
DS2 (10) lives with me full time.
I breached CAO in May 2018 when DS finally had courage to say he didn't want to stay with his Dad.
Back to court Aug 2018 and he's been with me since with no CAO in place.
Slowly building up contact again and he's had 3 afternoons with his Dad since March. Some bumps in the road but it's OK.

So, ex doesn't have a car so when he sees DS I have to take and collect. It's been OK till now as I've just stayed out and taken advantage of finally having a bit of time to myself. But if it's going to become more frequent then I really need that time to do more productive things and therefore need to be home. We live rurally so ex can't get here. I could offer to take DS to nearest smaller town where ex could get a bus (would be a 4hr round trip for him).

OR, I suck it up, keep taking DS to the larger town, come home myself (1 1/2hr round trip x 2).

I know that strictly speaking my side of the deal is just to make DS available, but if I dig my heels in then DS prob won't get to see his Dad.

I hate making all these plans as I get sucked down into how things were in the dark days.

Who moved from who.

Personally I think patents should share pick ups & drop offs. I reality the burden normally falls to the NRP.

I bought him out of the family home. He lived locally for a while then moved an hour away. Then scrapped his car.

I would be happy to share, but at the moment it is falling entirely to me, the RP.

Brief summary DD stopped having contact with Ex after he became emotional abusive to her after he lost his driving licence for drunk driving ( with her in the car). He then moved an hours drive and a ferry crossing away. DD was 10.
I did all the driving to the town just my side of the ferry crossing partly to be the better person and partly as the contact was all DD could cope with not the travel with him as well.
Ex then fucked it up again with more emotional abuse so contact stopped again, we'll only because Ex was not prepared to have contact on DD's terms. DD was 13.
My conscious is clear I did everything I could to support contact he fucked it up she is now 15 and barely sees him and only on her own terms.

Thank you for describing your situation, which does sound similar to mine. The thing is, how far do I go to keep my conscious clear? I spent years and years bowing to his 'demands' when we were married, just to keep the peace, to be the better person, for the kids' sakes etc. The bar got higher and higher until it was frankly quite ridiculous.

Maybe only I can answer that. He used DS2 as a pawn during the ending of our marriage (since he could no longer control me).

DS1 (aged 20) has a good enough relationship with his Dad, but yes, it's on HIS terms. He doesn't ever stay with his Dad, just sees him now and again for a meal out or something.