what impact has being a lone parent had on your health?

[instaflum]

Just interested to hear others' experiences.

Not so interested in those that share parenting with another on a regular basis e.g. 50/50 contact - but those who bear the brunt of the responsibility for care, earning money and everything else on their own.

I've found it's had a tremendously negative impact on my health. 0-4 was the hardest thing I have ever done and probably will ever do.

The 4+ years of broken and sleepless nights, punishing emotional load, constant stress and decision making, lack of a break to re-cuperate. Lack of time to cook decent food (eating on the go or from the freezer more than I would like) has impacted my health.

Walking around with kids at snails pace without being able to get up speed as they are always with you....

At times I have been really ill - I've had hairloss, chronic fatigue, skin issues, anxiety, depression, you name it.

The times when you want to exercise but are just too shattered when the only opportunity arises when they are going to bed etc.

I don't mean to be on a downer too much, and things are much much better now my DD is 7 and I have more time on my hands etc but I just wondered about other people's experiences of the health impact of lone parenting and how others have experienced it?

My mental health has suffered dreadfully- endless worry , dd was an extremely difficult teen her father was either totally absent or if he did appear he made things worse. She's a young adult now but the worry has never left me. I constantly feel anxious.

Hi OP I've borne the brunt of parenting for the last three years since my ex moved hundreds of miles away. I'd say it's taken a massive toll on my health. He does see DD in the holidays and I'm almost always ill when she's away. Last year I had shingles and the doctor said my immune system must have been almost entirely depleted. It took about two months to recover.

I'm trying to exercise self care at the moment. I think between work and childcare I've felt myself moving into a downward spiral again.

It's not surprising it takes a toll though is it? We are doing the work of two people. My sister is one of those who "feels like a single parent" because BIL is always at work and she does everything. I pointed out I do everything and earn all the money as well!

Do look after yourself OP.

Bad. Mentally I wing it. It has caused dreadful IBS and resulted in horrible anal fissures (Nice!). I have heart palpitations when I'm stressed too.

I've only survived in one piece because I've managed to go to the gym twice a week on my days off. The dc's have been dragged around parkrun for years too.

Hello OP

I am glad you raised this. I have been a lone parent for a very long time... But never stopped to even think about this as I had...no time...

My child is older now, but I now realise that the time I spent 'not socialising much' was actually recuperating time from the daily slog....

....That daily early morning cuppa before everyone woke up was actually me time before I had to attend to everyone elses needs...

Watching with interest, however, advising young mums especially, to carve out sometime for yourself even if it is that one cup of tea before everyone wakes up in the morning.

Thank goodness for Mumsnet to be able to share these experiences within this platform, particularly those with little or no support.

More difficult for me when DD was bullied and out of school for a year as a teen and I was also working pretty much full time, also horrendous for a year whilst she was at school but crying every day. No help from her father. I've always eaten well and exercised but the stress and overwork led to various stress-related symptoms, which were also misdiagnosed, which didn't help. DD is out the other side but I'm not sure my health will ever recover.

Everything you describe OP.

I am solely responsible for Dc. No other parent involved at all. I’m permanently exhausted. Even when I have a good nights sleep, it doesn’t feel “good”, just the same lethargic, zero motivation for anything. I keep promising myself to get an early night every night but there’s always something that needs done. Either work, or DC running to a club, or laundry or help with a project. It’s relentless. And you can’t opt out of it for a night or two or they have no clean uniform or I lose a customer etc.

Mental health at the 0-4 stage (and beyond tbh) was appalling. I wasn’t coping at all and far too terrified of SS swooping in to ask for help.

Exercise doesn’t happen for two reasons

1. zero energy
2. I can’t fit it in (no babysitter)

I think I do just carry on regardless till I break .

I do think though I generally am like that .

I find looking after myself difficult but am trying

Constantly knackered trying to 'do it all' no one has any idea how hard it is until you've done it !!