How do you keep this up? Had a really exhausting day yesterday and DD woke at 03.30!

[Nofilter]

Hi,

Don't really know what I'm looking for, I'm not even "down" in myself I'm quite positive thinking at the moment which is an improvement on PND for almost the first year. DD3.

On the face of it we have a good life, but there's just so much on my shoulders!

Yesterday was just non stop and now DD is up at 3.30am and I'm just broken.

My DM lived with me for nearly a year and moved out 6 weeks ago which is totally a good thing as I felt depressed with her here - too many cooks - but it's been really tough adjusting.

I thought I'd lay out my daily responsibilities and maybe get some opinions on whether this is normal or too much?

Live on a small holding have 5 horses, 2 rabbits, 2 cats, 3 dogs - 2 are puppies - I ended up in tears for 3 days when DD went to stay with my DM as the house was so quiet so got 2 puppies, this is really contributing to the chaos right now. But I didn't feel lonely this time she went to DM!

I do have a live in farm hand who kicks out the horses though and does handyman stuff round the place - they still need riding, caring for, managing feed deliveries etc.

I am lone parent to DD who seems to recently have just turned naughty and I'm becoming shouty. I've hardly had to raise my voice before now but she's acting out a lot - mainly around the puppies but also generally.

All house stuff plus for the farmhand, supermarket, making meals, cleaning, washing, constant cleaning up pee from the puppies.

I'm a landlord to 6 properties this is half our income.

I have an online kids clothing business and messages every day, social media networks to manage and keep creative, around 150 orders a week to pack and take to the PO.

Lots of house admin, especially with the properties and living on a small holding.

I have a cleaner and gardener there is no way I'd get by without these, 4 acres.

I have 2 limited companies to file taxes and admin for.

I have a new holiday home which I'm turning into an Airbnb so we can get holidays for "free" as can no longer afford them and tbh haven't enjoyed any as it's just more exhaustion with less of the stuff we have at home to keep DD occupied.

Our shetland recently had a foal and we've another on the way.

I'm trying and failing to get DD into a regular activity - ballet - and she horse rides a few times a week. DD is only just going back to nursery after 3 weeks off including the break because she was really ill - god I'm ready for a break!

I'm trying to ride regularly myself but am doing shit at the moment, my time is either sleeping if DD is at my DM or catching up on orders. So feel a failure about this. I stupidly put a post on our village Facebook for a hacking partner and two lovely ladies replied but I haven't managed to turn up yet as my DM is unreliable with childcare and I have no one else around.

Since moving in here in August we've completely redone every room. Flooring, painting and accessories and furniture so dealing with electricians, plumbers, workmen etc and managing the finances of that!

Also renovating the holiday home ready to be a lux Airbnb. I try to get everything second hand which takes time to source in marketplace and eBay and trek to pick it all up too.

I don't know, I know I'm prob no better/worse off than most but it's a lot. Maybe the puppies have pushed me over the edge.

Yesterday from getting up I was slap bang in washing, cooking, playing with DD, checking horses, grooming, mopping all floors, changing beds because of puppy feet marks, doing orders, doing queries, filling out my diary, I had 40 mins after she went to bed to relax..

God this is long I needed to splurge my thoughts on here!

What does this look like to others?

X

I'm exhausted reading that

Really, I'm on my knees just thinking about that
you need more staff or reduce your commitments

• like you are trying to be everything and everyone and that you've gone past your limit. Everybody has a limit! Sometimes something has to give! Sounds like it was a bit of a daft knee jerk reaction getting the pups when you already had so much on! That weekend you were buying puppies should have been you chilling out/catching up on sleep or getting things done you can't ordinarily! Are you the sort of person that feels an internal pressure to be seen to 'have it all'? I don't mean that nastily, I'm just trying to work out your situation. You have put a lot of pressure on yourself!

I agree with previous posters that's unsustainable and your dd is playing up because she probably isn't get enough attention and desperately misses her granny. You need less commitments and to get your dm to come back.

Well, how do you feel? That looks like unsustainable madness to me. What's the whole holiday home airbnb thing so you can have free holidays? Can you scale down the animals? Spend the wage paid to the man helping to some one to help with the business?

Thanks.

Yes I think that's what's going on with DD.

I can scale down the horses but I don't want to get rid of mine she's my only "me" thing in all of this and she makes me so happy. I think when the new goal is born I can sell 3. The breeder whom we bought 2 shetlands from last year didn't tell us they were in foal!

I've got someone in mind who could fulfil the orders too which takes the pressure off - I've got the stockroom organised now so the cleaner - who's looking for more hours could easily pack them.

I think I needed someone to say that to me as my DM still calls me lazy! And that she had it harder in the past so I'm still trying to get past that thought...

I could also let one puppy go, the other is a Chihuahua and easier.

We've always had a caravan and I got sick of spending thousands of dead money every year on a depreciating tin shed so converted it into a bungalow by the sea. But rather than it be an outgoing I can make it into an income but that's not urgent it could wait a year... or just happen as and when without a rush...

I don't relax very well, I'm only happy if I am "doing" but it's just not sustainable anymore...

Thanks for responding.

What do you mean OP "seen to have it all" I can put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect I've been told but am trying not to do that and be in the moment as much as I can...

You need to reflect on the saying "I can do anything but I can't do everything". It sounds like much of this started as a joint venture. If that's true and it is no longer have a ponder. Sometimes creating huge amounts of busy is a good way of avoiding dealing with the hard stuff.

That's exactly right AJP. We planned for two years to move two houses into one farm from Mcr to Shropshire but DM became controlling and rather toxic tbh. She was isolated and bored, this is my dream not hers really.

So overnight without notice I've ended up with it all on my shoulders.

I'm going to make some moves to simplify, I need to prioritise the things that are financially beneficial so we continue to grow in that respect and get help for the things that are simple to hand over...

Do most people think they have to be progressing all the time? I can't imagine just being satisfied with things as they are...

Regrouping is not going backwards. Is it financially a joint venture?

Your myriad commitments suggest you make big commitments very quickly op.

You have so many non-essential responsibilities that you seem to have launched yourself into. Do you struggle with impulsiveness?

Getting two puppies in your situation is frankly madness. You only need one horse to ride. You have 6 properties to manage and turn a profit from and a business to grow. Plus - and most importantly - you have a daughter who needs calmness and stability. She is a awful age for puppies and will feel she is competing with them for your attention.

You need to downsize your commitments and work on what is essential.

Also, progression for me is about quality not quantity. Few commitments but a better standard of living.

Have you considered selling a couple of the properties you rent out? It would give you some cash to reduce the amount of income generating work you gave to do - you could use this time to reassess your life and plans for the next 5-10 years?

Hi,

Really interesting comments and has given me a lot to think about.

I'm building up my property portfolio to exit all the other businesses within 5 years so there is a simpler plan ahead.

I suppose it comes down to how much future security to save for. The secondary isn't great near us and I'd ideally like to save enough for private school if DD doesn't get into the local grammar..

I've always had a number of plates spinning at once - built businesses to make profit and then use the profit for long term security so it has always been quite spread but I think now with my new situation being on my own it's time to reassess.

My cleaners jumped at the chance for more hours fulfilling orders so that's brilliant saving me around 9hrs per week.

There is no point in doing all of this if I don't enjoy it - enjoy my horses - get the time to do it so I'm going to focus on that.

Sometimes you just need a second opinion as I've never really considered myself maxed out because I don't go into an office and bank hours but I think I'm worse off time wise with this current setup.

Thanks OP'

And no it is not financially a joint venture it's 100% mine...

I'm tired reading this. Honestly I don't think I could do that without the child or puppies! No words of wisdom just wow!

What a relief - I've been thinking I'm lazy. My DM has some strange view in the pace at which life should be lived...

I also think some of these quick decisions - which do always make money and are successes I've not lost any yet - are down to fear of letting DD down in future if we ever hit on hard times.

I had a really hard childhood and a lot of the issues were because we were poor and I don't want that for DD but it couldn't be further from the truth.

I think she needs the small stuff from me "now" not always planning for the big future stuff. Moments, playtime, play dates desperate to the dogs.

I've had a think about the pups and I'm going to keep them, I'm almost there with puppy training, down to two rooms now then out the door. I get lonely when I'm alone in the house as I'm used to a house full and if they help with that it's worth it as long as I can keep my cool and understand DD is reacting to that... most people around here with small holdings have 3-5 dogs I'm sure I can manage.

I've actually got enough saved to cover our expenses for ten years so I don't think we've anything to worry about but then I'll start thinking "what if" and Uni costs and secondary school and the figure drops - but there's no point in worrying through these years just to make that work, maybe I can't do those things? That's maybe ok too.

Never planned on being a lone parent and I do think we can overcompensate - well I have been...

Thoroughly enjoying a book I can't even remember doing this! Dogs all over me and DD fast asleep haha x

Yes simplify.

Your dd needs steppingstones to grow. She needs time to be 3 , play in the mud, paint a picture , play a game .

She needs to learn to relax something you could probably do well to do.

Sometimes stopping to enjoy the here and now is important