Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Birth certificate

36 replies

SarahA69 · 23/05/2019 20:42

Hi, I hope I’m posting this is the right place for some help. My son is a father to a four year old little boy. The back story is he was with a girl for around 7/8 months maybe, then they split up and she was pregnant. A little while after she was saying the baby wasn’t his but her on off boyfriend of several years. The baby was born and he wasn’t allowed to see him. So about 4/5 months down the line she admitted that my son was the father. So we had a DNA test done which proved my son was the dad. Well four years down the line my sons name is still not got his name on the birth certificate. My grandson is now calling himself by her boyfriends surname and that is his name on the play school register. Can anyone advise on how this could be done.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Manclife1 · 26/05/2019 13:22

In short the only ways to resolve the BC is either GF sorts it or your son goes to court. If you’ve no money to do it then it isn’t happening.

overdrive · 26/05/2019 13:35

It is very important to him

More important than financially supporting his kid? Maybe teach your son about priorities.

Why he’s not claiming any benefit has nothing to do with my question, I don’t see what the issue is.

Really? The fact the son you raised doesn't provide financially for his child isn't an issue for you?

Confused
AuntieStella · 26/05/2019 13:39

If your DS will not go to court, then there is nothing that can be done.

The DC's interests are key here. It is unlikely that a change of name would be forced on a school-age child.

That that birth certificate is showing a different man as father is something that can be corrected, given there is proof of biological paternity. But it is up to your DS to do this. Though of course you could pay relevant fees.

Your role might be to support him in his decision, and encourage him towards being a position when he can pay towards supporting his son, as well as continuing with contact.

Expecting your DS to step up and take the initiative here is nit 'siding with the mother'. She did not know for sure who the father was (until DNA test was done) and so put down one she knew it could be and who was prepared to acknowledge the child and be his actual day-to-day father. And who has continued as that, all through the time of discovery of biological paternity. It's not easy to see how it would be in DC's interests to lose that father.

HJWT · 26/05/2019 13:39

@SarahA69 Hi Op! The only way he could get on the birth certificate is if he took her to court and the court took a DNA test, the one you did won't be proof as it has to he done in front of a solicitor especially if there is another man already down as the father! Sorry 😖

AuntieStella · 26/05/2019 13:43

I think OP may have been hoping that we would come up with a way to ensure that her DS could get he wants, but without actually doing anything himself.

As pointed out repeatedly, that will not happen, and he needs to go to court.

Saying that is apparently unfairly deciding with the mother, rather than being a straightforward description of the required steps for the stated aim.

Disfordarkchocolate · 26/05/2019 13:58

Even if the birth certificate is changed this will have no bearing on the child's surname. I know you feel that everyone has been harsh but your son has been irresponsible and people find this objectionable.

dementedpixie · 26/05/2019 14:03

Being added to the birth certificate will not change the child's surname. What is he hoping to get out of being on the birth certificate?

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 26/05/2019 15:30

Hi OP. You wanted a male perspective. I'm a single dad, with 50/50 residence of my 14 and 12 year old daughters.

My perspective is that neither your son nor the mother are coming out of this well. Let's start with the fact that the mother has misrepresented the parentage of the child on the birth cert, and (giving her the benefit of the doubt, that she didn't know this to be a lie when she did it) is now refusing to fix the situation. That's very shoddy behaviour - every child should have the right to know who they are, and where they come from. Deliberately placing parental responsibility on a man who isn't the father, and denying it to the real father, is bloody awful behaviour. Unfortunately, it's standard advice on MN for women to refuse to put the father on the birth certificate, in a bid to deny him parental responsibility. It's crappy human behaviour, and (in the absence of a genuine safeguarding risk) just a power play from a controlling breed of women.

So, she is in the wrong on that front. But, as others have said, if she won't voluntarily fix it, then your son's only recourse is to the courts. If he isn't willing to do that, then he won't get parental responsibility.

Now, let's deal with your son. He is seeing the child every weekend, so he is involved with his child. That's a good thing. The question of why he wants to change the birth cert is an important one - the child has now reached an age where they know their name, and it is bound up in their sense of who they are. That has been distorted by the poor behaviour of the mother, but nonetheless it is established now. Courts are very reluctant to change the name of a child, and for good reason. In my view, he would be wrong to push for a change in the child's name at this point. Doing so would be more about control, than about the best interests of the child - and that's not cool. So he would be right to go to court to get parental responsibility, but wrong to push for a change of the child's name.

People have focussed on money for good reason. I'm going to assume that your son isn't seriously disabled or something, that prevents him from working. Stepping up and being a dad is about more than being recognised legally as the father, and spending a few hours together at the weekend. It's also about the hard graft, and providing for his child is part of that. Those of us who are involved, hands-on dads who day-in and day-out put our kids first, and work hard to give them the best life possible, have little to no time for guys who try to shirk those responsibilities. They're a big part of the problem - they contribute to the sense that some parts of society have that dads are somehow second class parents. That's bollocks, but guys like your son don't exactly help the rest of us who are doing the right thing, to overcome that perception.

So, your son would be right to seek parental responsibility. But being a dad - a proper one - is about way more than that, and he needs to step up fully, and do right by his child. Until he does that, the sympathy he gets from the rest of us will be very limited.

summerbreeze912 · 26/05/2019 18:14

I think you should be more concerned about the fact that your son isn't supporting his son financially rather than what his last name is.

Starlight456 · 26/05/2019 18:18

I agree completely with your post @singledad

The post comes across though as grandma pushing . Why hasn’t he found out this information . A quick google would tell you.

I will repeat I do don’t think anyone who could claim benefits should be exempt from paying the minimum £7 a week

Wittsendargh · 30/05/2019 22:38

If he isn't on the birth certificate, doesn't that make him exempt from paying? The parent on the bc has parental responsibility? I know that doesn't make it at all right, the father absolutely should be paying, but not sure how that would all work out with the CSA. Thinking about it from my perspective, my child has no father on their BC. I have been with my partner now for 8 years, he has raised my child and they call him dad, but their real dad (as proven by DNA), although not on the BC and has no contact (his choice) pays the CSA. If I was to put my partner on the BC, wouldn't this sever the CSA payments as someone else has claimed responsibility for the child?

For clarity, I would never change my child's BC. Their father isn't on it as he said from day one he didn't want to be involved. But when the time is right, I'll be telling my child the full story. Putting their step-dads name on the bc is absolutely out of the question.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page