Feeling so alone - husband left me 6 weeks ago

[MyloJesse]

Hi all,

My husband left me 6 weeks ago and I'm feeling like, at times, there is just no light at the end of the tunnel. Atm we are negotiating custody (he wants 50/50 custody) and how much money I will give to him when I buy him out.

The back story is he had fallen out of love with me when I was around 6 months pregnant and lied to me and kept it quiet. He then told me when our DS was 6 months old that he wasn't in love with me and two weeks later he'd packed his bags and was out of the home. He's trying to get everything he can out of me now.

Any advice would be grateful x

Well at six months old 50/50 doesn't seem in the child's best interest. If you can, see a solicitor asap. That's not to say it shouldn't eventually be 50/50, just it needs to gradually be built up. I think overnights aren't recommended until about 18 months to start with. And you need to plan all this out to encompass school timetables, it comes around quick.

It is tough going alone but better than living a lie. And if he can treat you that way he's not worth your energy.

Sorry to hear that OP. I agree he's unlikely to get 50:50 custody at this age - I'm actually surprised he's volunteering for it.

I suppose the only silver lining in this situation is that you're in better shape to cope than someone who's been out of the workplace for years - you can essentially go back after maternity leave and not lose ground. Do you have good support from family and friends?

You need a good lawyer - do you like the one you have, and trust them to really push for you? Have you made it 100% clear what you want to happen, and discussed whether this is achievable?

Sadly a lot of true colours come out . Yes to seek legal advice . Do not do anything you are not comfortable with. It is harder to increase access than reduce it

Just take each day as it comes. Get legal advice. There isn't just the house. There are pension pots too.

Make sure you have real life support around you. Go and see your gp and have a look for local counselling. I found a charity that charged £10 an hour for 12 sessions.

Try not to engage with him. I know that is very hard especially with such a small baby. Contact and house and money. Those are the only subjects.

You are not on the same page emotionally. He has been slowly detaching for months. You have some catching up to do. And you will. It takes time. Just do what you can day to day and in 12/18 months time you will be in a much better place emotionally. Be kind to yourself.

Start sorting his belonging and get them together in a spare room or garage. Make the house your own. Move things around and buy new bedding and flowers. Anything to make it different. Keep a diary of your emotions. I promise you I'm a few months time you will be glad you didn't send those long e mails to him. But it helps to get the raw emotions out.

Thanks all. Your messages have given me hope. I just still can't my head around it all.

I have a solicitor on stand by, I'm in the process of buying him out and 90% of his things are out of the house. Xxx