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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Child maintenance when parent works night shifts?

20 replies

TheFloorIsLava1 · 21/05/2019 11:53

First time poster - long term lurker here, please be kind :)

I have been separated from my DS (4) father for over 2 years now, and we currently have an arrangement where DS stays with me 3 evenings one week and 4 the next, which seems to be working as well as it could.

DS dad has not paid any maintenance since we split and has refused on the basis that we have him equal days over a fortnightly period. However, DS dad works night shifts, meaning that at least 2 of the 3/4 evenings that he has care of DS, exs mother or sister takes care of DS.

My question is... Does this mean that I have a greater percentage of day to day care? Given that ex passes on his care to a family member of his?

I have been given a reference number to contact child maintenance and will do so, but I am wondering what the potential outcome would look like before I bite the bullet and contact them.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 21/05/2019 12:48

It would be equal nights as he has responsibilitiy for the same number of nights

ScottishMummy12 · 21/05/2019 12:50

It doesn't work like that. Your ex is responsible for him the same amount of time as you he is just using childcare.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 21/05/2019 12:51

You have a 50/50 arrangement

The fact that his mother/sister is babysitting for him while he's at work is irrelevant

KaleidoscopeEyes · 21/05/2019 12:55

Personally I dont think that's right. I have shared custody with my ex of a week each and work several night shifts over a fortnightly period (2 during the week that I have ds). His stepdad looks after him while I'm at work those 2 nights.

Because we have 50/50 split, neither of us claim child maintenance from the other. Who looks after the child when it's your ex's time is irrelevant.

Original poster

TheFloorIsLava1 · 21/05/2019 12:56

Thank you all for your replies :) I thought this was the case x

OP posts:

TixieLix · 21/05/2019 13:00

Why did you agree a 50:50 arrangement if he's not there for half of his allotted time? I wouldn't be happy with my DC being farmed out to parents/siblings when their other parent should be looking after them. Can you not keep hold of your DC on the nights your ex is working nights? That way you'd get the maintenance too.

stucknoue · 21/05/2019 13:00

That he mum provides care isn't relevant unless you have safeguarding concerns so feel she should not be in sole charge.

Original poster

TheFloorIsLava1 · 21/05/2019 13:07

@TixieLix at the time of the 'agreement' I suppose it wasn't really an agreement. It was more of the ex saying that he was having DS those days and that was that. At the time I was buying ex out of the house and agreed because I couldn't face, nor afford, solicitors or courts.

I do think I should make an appointment with a solicitor with regards to the arrangement because as you say, i am certainly not happy with DS being farmed out to whichever childminder ex has available. That is the issue, not the fact of the CM not being paid. I would sooner have DS at home, with routine etc.

OP posts:

Seeleyboo · 21/05/2019 13:15

Surely that's no different to you having your DC and putting him in daycare etc. I dont see how someone can say the child is farmed out ffs. He's with his nan.

KaleidoscopeEyes · 21/05/2019 13:21

It's not a childminder though, it's a family member! I don't like working nights, but it's something that just has to be done I'm afraid.

Original poster

TheFloorIsLava1 · 21/05/2019 13:21

I understand what you mean, I suppose farmed out wasn't the best turn of phrase to use. It's that DS isn't always with his Nan, it can be various family members but I can see that if the shoe was on the other foot, I would need to arrange for DS to be with a family member if i worked night shifts.

I just wanted to ask for opinions and some clarification on the situation as I'm a bit clueless and didn't want to waste any time calling CM (and inevitably being on hold for a while) :)

OP posts:

KaleidoscopeEyes · 21/05/2019 13:22

And I also think it's better that I work overnight when he's asleep anyway, that way I have more time to spend with him after school on the nights I don't work.

Original poster

TheFloorIsLava1 · 21/05/2019 13:31

I agree with you on the fact that you do get to spend time with your child on the evenings you don't work :)

I guess what grinds my gears is that ex collects DS from preschool at 5.30pm and then leaves for work at around 6.30pm, works his shift and then collects him at 7.30am to take him to preschool for around 8.30am. I completely understand that his way of working the arrangement we have does enable him to see DS through the week and if that is the only way he can really work it on the agreed evenings then that is up to him.

DS is very lucky to have his father wanting to take an active role in his life so I really have no reason to slate him.

OP posts:

KaleidoscopeEyes · 21/05/2019 13:46

It's tough, isn't it?

Mine is almost 14 now, and we've been apart for almost 9 years. It's taken a long time to get to the point where it all runs relatively smoothly! I'm grateful that ex is so involved and we help each other out from time to time. It's important not to upset the apple cart unless it's necessary.

NorthernSpirit · 21/05/2019 13:52

You have a 50:50 arrangement, no maintenance due.

The dad sounds like he is trying hard to have an active relationship with his son.

Don’t stop contact for money. Kids aren’t pay as you go.

NorthernSpirit · 21/05/2019 13:54

I meant pay per view. It makes me sad when I hear ‘can you nit keep hold of him do you get more maintenance’. Let the kid spend time with his dad and nan.

Original poster

TheFloorIsLava1 · 21/05/2019 13:56

It really is tough, you're right :(

I do hate upsetting the apple cart, hence I just find that not communicating with ex unless absolutely necessary is the best way to go, saves a lot of upset.

I don't agree with the way things are set up and that's probably from a quite selfish point of view, but at the end of the day, DS adores his father and he's a very lucky little boy to have two parents who adore him right back :)

OP posts:

Original poster

TheFloorIsLava1 · 21/05/2019 14:02

@NorthernSpirit I have never and would never dream of stopping contact over money and do echo your sentiments regarding the keeping hold of children to claim more maintenance. I can assure you that, that is not the case :)

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 21/05/2019 20:53

You could approach him for medication.

Tbh I think most would want to have their children with them at night but in separated familes once they reach a certain age not an option . However this isn’t happening here.

It’s not quality time with grandparents with. I would want my child home . Could he have some additional hours elsewhere so he gets more time with dad

VodselForDinner · 21/05/2019 21:00

I assume you work? Does that mean, on days you have your son, you’re up at say 7.30am, drop him to preschool for 8.30am, then collect him after work at c. 5.30pm and he’s probably in bed for 7.00pm maybe?

Is that not much of a muchness?any parents who work fulltime don’t get to spend a great deal of time with their children on work days.

Also, I assume you weren’t married so you have no entitlement to any spousal maintenance, just child maintenance which doesn’t apply in this case.

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