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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Am I the only one who finds this so hard?

4 replies

Jessicawalsh · 16/05/2019 13:33

Heads up This may be a long post I really need to let it out in some way and my situation is far for simple

I had a good life, two beautiful sons i had started back studying at university again as I had taken time out when I had my son, we were going on amazing family holidays, I was starting my own business then out of no where I found out I was pregnant again and the next thing my partner walked out last year, then completely disappeared out of our lives (my 8 and 4 year old sons) we struggled through and the pregnancy was kind of a light at the end of a tunnel.
I found out my ex was then dating a girl he worked with within 2 weeks of him moving out honestly this was soul crushing but being pregnant I tried to block everything negative.
I had my third son in October and I am honestly obsessed with him but recently it’s like I’ve hit a wall, if it’s not a school run I barley leave the house.. I barley get chance to shower or even eat as one of them all ways needs something.

I’m a young mum I am in my 20s and I literally have not one friend left my ex was very controlling and over the years of us being together I guess one by one he really did make sure I had no one left in my life.
Mums at school don’t speak to me at all we live in a middle class area; so I haven’t even made friends with other mums

I feel ashamed being a single mum.. so ashamed I won’t go out on a Sunday Or Saturday really because I can’t face all the happy family’s and I think people will look and realise oh look she must not have a partner and judge me. Also I hate watching my boys see other dads with their sons it breaks my heart

I feel like my kids are missing out, so then I feel guilty and it’s just like I’m stuck in a massive circle of never ending horrible situations all because of him walking out on us.

He hasn’t seen the kids at all nothing not a card or presents on their birthday or Christmas; he made no effort when the baby was born I’ve tried reaching out to his parents for them to have access and they are not interested.. my 4 year old asked to buy flowers and a card and take his paternal nan for mother’s day and they ignored the door ( I knew they were in) we left it on the doorstep and I never heard anything.

From around Christmas my ex began messaging me and would ask to come over and talk I’ve agreed thinking it was about seeing the kids but honestly he only came for sex.. now since Christmas every other weekend he will message asking to come over when the kids are in bed and I stupidly let him.. I honestly just do it in the hope that this time will be the time he says he wants to see them again but he never does.

I’m literally so heartbroken I just wished my kids had a good dad I mean the baby wouldn’t even know who he is

I’ve tried asking my mum for help I’ve told her that I can’t cope and that i really need help but she doesn’t seem to get it or understand how hard it is for me, she’s always to busy.

I find my self breaking down in tears a lot even over the stupidest of things, I feel like life is passing me by and that this is it for me school run, washing and cleaning is all my future holds
I doubt with three boys I’ll ever find another partner, I feel like this is it for me and for some reasons life dealt me really shitty cards.

Anyone in similar situation or has been or any advice would be great because I’m honestly so isolated and lonely it’s struggle facing every day and an even bigger struggle getting through each day

I know this was a crazy long post so thank you if you managed to read it all!
I’m sure half of it doesn’t make sense as I’m sat in tears writing this but I just really need to let it out and possibly just have even one person give me a bit of hope or advise

OP posts:
DulcieRay · 16/05/2019 13:44

Why do you feel ashamed? You haven't done anything wrong.

mrsk28 · 16/05/2019 13:51

Hi OP

I don't have a lot of advice for you because I've never been in that situation myself but I didn't want to read and run.

First of all you should be very proud of yourself raising 3 boys alone. It is definitely not something to be embarrassed about.

Also your ex is an asshole. Stop letting him come over to sleep with you when he won't even see his children. He unfortunately doesn't have any interest in them and that's his loss. I hope he at least pays child maintenance and if not then you should go down the legal route to get it for you boys sake.

In terms of getting to know people, is there mother and baby groups in your area you could try? I'm sure you'll find you aren't the only one feeling isolated and you're certainly not the only single parent out there. And you could definitely meet a partner at some stage. Maybe try online dating, there's bound to be single dads that wouldn't be phased by the fact you have children.

Things will improve for you at some point so hang in there. Before you know it your boys will be teenagers and out with friends all the time and you'll miss the time with them x

pumpkinpie01 · 16/05/2019 13:59

Ah this is so sad to read but life will get better. There are a few issues here - firstly hard as it is you have to stop sleeping with him he has proved he is not going to change it’s no good for your self respect and it’s making you angry that he is not seeing the boys. Secondly your loneliness - can you get tax credits to help with childcare costs and get a part time job ? Could you go to a baby group ? Any classes for mums and babies to join ? Do you try and talk to anyone at the school ? Don’t think you won’t meet anyone ever again , the right man won’t be put off by 3 kids. Think of today as bring the day to make changes .

PollyPelargonium52 · 19/05/2019 05:56

There is no reason to feel ashamed to be a single parent given that 1 in 4 families are that.

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