Single parent to one.. can I do it twice?

[JLT1996]

Hi,

First of all I would like to apologise if this is inappropriate to post here.. never used before and just want unbiased advice from strangers who will know my situation, my friends all hate my current partner so I feel there advice is whatever gets rid of him sooner!

So I am a single mother to my daughter, she is now 2 years old and the best thing in the world, but I do find it so difficult being a single parent. I love her and I wouldn't change anything and I love not having to share her but sometimes the smallest of tasks are hard or impossible, recently I've just found out I am pregnant again (around 5 weeks) and I am terrified.

I am currently not with the father due to him basically being an idiot when he is drunk (this happens around once every 3 months and is the only time we argue, sober he is perfect) but this is really worrying me, when I first found out I was pregnant I wasn't as terrified as I am now. The reality is sinking in for me that this isn't a stable relationship and I could be a single mum to two children, both under 3, whilst being a student nurse and I am only 23. I just really don't know what to do and I would be grateful if anyone could give me some advice, I have booked an appointment with an abortion councillor however I have always said I am pro life and wouldn't be able to have an abortion but I really feel being a single mother twice over would severely effect my mental health.

Any success stories or words of wisdom would be really appreciated right now, my head is spinning and I feel heartbroken and tied in a difficult situation.

Thankyou people, please don't judge me I know how amazing being a mummy is but I am so scared right now.

Do you want this man in your life for the next 18 years??

Mintandthyme, honestly I don't think I do. When we're good we're great, when we're bad it can get very immature and messy. I feel the smart decision would be abortion but my heart is saying differently... but could I do it again on my own. I sent myself poorly last time trying to prove a point I didn't need a man and tried to be the best mum in the world and didn't let anyone do anything for me... just scared doing it twice will send me over the edge but then I'm scared having an abortion would make me feel even worse. I've never been in this situation before, my first pregnancy was my daughter and there was no question on whether or not I'd keep her as I wasn't afraid of doing it alone. Now I know how hard it is and I already have her I'm just so anxious about the whole situation and scared to make the wrong choice

Hi JLT1996,

No judgement here, I'm a single mum to a 9 month old and I'm starting uni in September so I can only imagine how stressed and scared you are.

Do you have much of a support network if you did decide to continue this pregnancy? And if so, would they be able to support you through your studies as a student nurse?

I am kind of in the same place. I love my DP very much and have a young baby with someone else. DP wants a baby but I’m very scarred from my past relationship and worry new DP will just leave. I’m not sure I’d cope a second time around.

It’s something I think you really need to carefully consider.

No judgement here, you can do it alone, you don’t need to involve dad full time but will always be in the horizon as a dark cloud over you, especially if it worries you what he gets up to while in some care of the baby.

But yes, you can do it alone. What you may not be able to do alone is having two young kids and continue studying for your nursing degree unless you have plenty of access to additional free childcare/support. So that may need to go on the back burner for a while but that is not necessarily a bad thing as you can concentrate in your little one on the first year or two, and by the time you go back your DD will be ready for pre school and just one year away from free education.

I’m a single parent to 4 my ex is totally absent. Of course it’s possible. There are plenty of lone parents with more than one child (my mum had 6!)

Hi,
You can do it. I am lone parent myself. Just much older than you. Do you have any help? parents maybe( siblings?) I will start studies this year and have no one to help. anyway nothing can be worse than dealing with Universal Credit people :D. Believe that where is a will there is a way.
About the pregnancy. You need to decide yourself. But some universities have childcare and they will help you with childcare cost as well. It won't be easy but after some time you will have degree and you will be able to support yourself with children.
Good luck and don't stress too much

Thanks everyone. I decided to keep the baby and have taken a year out of studying for now! OH seems to of changed and things are going well but I don't know how long for! Since posting this we have found out that we are expecting a baby boy due in January! Xx

Congratulations