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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

"Do you have any support?"

13 replies

Mentalray · 12/05/2019 14:43

So burnt out right. Ex doesn't have to have the DCs more than 2 days a month. He was forced into that as he doesn't want them.
Both DCs teens now but with SEN. Had to pick one up three times in the last 2 weeks because bad behaviour/melting down. Other teen failing everything and refuses to make any changes. Have to deal with it on my own 99% of the time.
So tired of people saying to me 'do you have any support? any friends or family to help out?' and when I say 'not really' they go silent. I sometimes say 'sure' just to not embarrass other people. Why the hell do people ask that? Do they automatically think that I am going to say, 'yes, lots, family helps all the time?' Why do people ask that if they clearly expect that you do have help?

OP posts:

floraloctopus · 12/05/2019 16:02

People always assume that you must have somebody, I've almost been treated as a liar when I've said that no, there is absolutely nobody.

Original poster

Mentalray · 12/05/2019 16:13

I don't know why it bothers me so much but it does.

OP posts:

user1483387154 · 12/05/2019 16:14

Not physically no. All family and friends in a different country

windysowindy · 12/05/2019 20:06

Not the same at all because it is 2 of us, but I went to a medical appointment (bloods) the other day and brought my DC and said I had to bring him as we have nobody else (DH was at work and it was not a long appointment)
She said "oh you are alone in the whole world are you?"

WTF?
Some people are. I have a DH and I am lucky but we have nobody else. Nobody.
So yes, some people assume that you must have support.
I get what you are saying OP, sorry

Starlight456 · 12/05/2019 21:25

yes similar position to you.. I have 12 year old SEN;s but no contact with dad so I literally do it all.

BigRedLondonBus · 12/05/2019 21:34

It annoys me because no I have no support. My ex doesn’t see our FOUR children at all (been 2 years now) sick of feeling judged by the school as they are always banging on about providing me with support but it seems embarrassing. I don’t want that kind of “support” just wish my kids did would actually step up and look after his kids so that I did have support

Napssavelives · 13/05/2019 06:26

Same here, it’s very much me. I don’t see either of my parents as they are abusive arseholes. I don’t have any wider family as they all turned their backs when I disclosed abuse so it really is just me and the kids. It’s hard.

user1493413286 · 13/05/2019 06:32

Do they not have anything helpful to say after you’ve said no? When I say that at work I’ll then have some suggestions or be able to offer help myself? I’m in a Very different area of work to teens with SEN but still children)

boxlikeamarchhare · 13/05/2019 06:37

No I don't. Just me and DD who is almost 13. H was away a lot during our marriage (at least six months a year) and I was on my own without support then either.

DD doesn't want to see her Dad much, four days a month at the most, sometimes just for lunch or coffee in the town where we live (he travels here).

I am really trying to encourage their relationship but clearly years of poor behaviour (by him) has taken its toll.

Jde25 · 13/05/2019 21:11

Yes it’s so hurtful it’s just a reminder of how useless family can be and how lonely you are :(

Original poster

Mentalray · 15/05/2019 15:31

user no, no one ever offers to help out personally.

It's very similar to when I was going through separation, would meet other women who would say, 'you have support right?' I didn't have any support but if I said 'no' they wouldn't offer anything (not even a 'you can go this group' sort of thing). I ended up lying and saying yes after a while.

OP posts:

floraloctopus · 15/05/2019 19:36

I did get offered support once, not long after my husband left a woman who was getting divorced said we could support each other as we were in the same situation as she had asked her husband for a divorce. No way were we in the same boat.

TanMateix · 15/05/2019 23:20

When DS was younger I used to get a lot of offers of support, plenty of them:

Cannot go out to the doctor on my own? Please call, I’ll have him so you can go.

Feeling alone? Oh, you should try to meet someone, I will baby sit for you!

Struggling? Just ring me if you need someone to talk to.

Complaining you spend the night alone and unwell, sitting in the children’s ward by the bed of your child who was just rushed to hospital in an ambulance? You should have called!

So you call, and the offers of help become just words, because when you really need some help or have an emergency all the people who made the offers have lots of lame excuses not to help.

Interestingly, the only ones who are always there are (drum roll).... other single parents.

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