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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Has anyone completely lost their mojo? Then found it again?

14 replies

Lillycake · 08/05/2019 19:21

I have completely lost mine!!
Feeling depleted, frumpy, tired, bored and lethargic. Just emotionally drained of all emotions!
I have put on weight, drink too much gin and feel like motivation to exercise has been zapped from my body!
I know it's only me that can change things - I just can't get a handle on it.
I'm a single mum to 2 dc's and quite often find myself going to bed at 8.30pm when they do. Usually because I'm tired but mainly because I can't stand my own company. I haven't seen friends in a while (they seem to cancel alot, which gets me down) and have no desire to date.
I'm sorry - depressing read.....
I know I need to kick myself up the butt but not sure where to begin.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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GiveMeFood12 · 08/05/2019 20:09

This was me!

How old are your DC?

Original poster

Lillycake · 08/05/2019 20:24

GiveMeFood12 - thankyou. I notice you say 'was'!
They're 11 and 13.

OP posts:

eve34 · 08/05/2019 20:26

I'm in. I go to bed at nine. At the start I just couldn't stay awake. Now I just don't want to sit on my own. Trying to eat better and exercise a bit more now. But hard when I'm always with the kids or work. And funds are limited for gym/exercise classes.

Is there such a thing as too much gin 😀

I had made some single mum friends. But they have slowly all met someone. Which is fab for them. But I'm not in that place.

Original poster

Lillycake · 08/05/2019 20:58

eve34 - thankyou. Getting ready to go to bed as we speak haha. Funds are tight here too. I did try to walk more and started reading at night time to stop me scrolling through social media. Then all of a sudden I just feel I have been zapped!

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Original poster

Lillycake · 08/05/2019 21:00

Ps - haha re the gin. However, I feel like it's becoming a problem as I feel it's the only thing that relaxes my mind and kind of masks everything.

OP posts:

Charles11 · 08/05/2019 21:06

I cut down on phone scrolling and started eating my 5 a day instead of crap, take floradix, drinking more water, walking more and started feeling better.
It’s a vicious cycle when you get into that slump. I was relying on sugar to give me a boost but it dies the opposite!

helpmum2003 · 08/05/2019 21:07

May be worth getting thyroid blood tests. Underactive thyroid gives similar symptoms....

Summersunshine2 · 08/05/2019 21:12

I'm sorry your feeling like this op.
I found it really difficult in the early days after divorce. When lo was in bed I felt like I was in a prison of sorts - couldn't go out but nothing to do indoors.
Maybe watch a box set, text friends positively, do bedtime yoga on you tube, join an online reading club?
It is hard and hopefully you will become happier. Look after yourself x

GiveMeFood12 · 08/05/2019 21:17

@Lillycake sorry didn't see you had replied!

The first step for me was realising what was wrong - from my own point of view - and finding ways to change it.

As your children are at school - do you have any time during the day? do they spend any time with their other parent?

I went to my gp and faced the fact that I was depressed. (Not saying you are) Took the anti depressants and had CBT.
I then slowly - and I mean slowly - started jogging; just around the park when my dd was at school; as running seemed to really help my mental heath.

I put my phone down for an hour each night; got into box sets / series and watched one each night just so I had some "me" time - it gave me something to look forward to each night (sad I know)

I've now joined a Pilates class on my day off
I went back to college 1 day a week
I also went back to work part time

All my friends cancel on me all the time too - so I don't bother anymore - sorry that's not helpful ha!

Original poster

Lillycake · 08/05/2019 21:31

Charles11 - thankyou. I definitely need to cut social media out. I have felt this alot recently.
helpmum2003 - thankyou. Yes, maybe. I thought I was feeling tired as sometimes when you struggle mentally, it has a physical impact.
Summersunshine2 - thankyou. I do need to do some exercise. I have watched a few box set, need to find some more. Thankyou.
GiveMeFood12 that's ok, thankyou. I'm thinking the same with my phone. It's making a plan and sticking with it isn't it? It sounds like you are doing really well, I'm glad. I have studied for the last 5 years, recently become a mental health nurse. Yep, I know I should have all all the skills to help myself. I do try. I have no clue why my motivation is so so low. I do have more spate time now. I know I don't have an excuse. I need to start somewhere. I think that is why Facebook doesn't do me any good as I don't seem to have reliable friends. Makes me feel a bit of a loner then. Does it bother you that you feel that way about not bothering with friends anymore?

OP posts:

eve34 · 08/05/2019 21:36

@Lillycake I keep trying to read but just can't seem to take anything in. I did manage to read on holiday (sounds fancy. We went to my dads although they do live in Spain so I know I'm very lucky). But when I'm home I just can't get stuck in

I know I should try exercise videos. But my youngest will not settle until I'm actually in bed. So I don't get any peace in the evenings.

It's frustrating at times. But I know in a few years the children will be more independent and not need me so much. So I try to embrace it. I'm want to get a bit fitter and slimmer this year. And try and build on the friendships I have.

GiveMeFood12 · 08/05/2019 21:52

@Lillycake - Honestly; it doesn't bother me anymore. I've got good things going on in my life, my daughters life so I don't need them.

I really thought making a plan and sticking to it wouldn't work, but it honestly has - small changes every day until it became a habit really helped me.

I feel rubbish if I don't have my run every other day now - it's took me a long time to get here though lol ....
I didn't eat; as that was my coping mechanism - I maybe ate a bag of crisps and a sandwich each day and lived off endless cups of tea - now the run makes me hungry and I'm back to a healthy weight.

Small changes really do make the difference.
I think we become "stuck" and then it seems endless to get out of the rut we end up in.
It's took me maybe 18 months to finally feel back to / better than I did before
You've got this!

Boffing · 08/05/2019 23:55

Could you be depressed OP?

Original poster

Lillycake · 09/05/2019 14:40

Thankyou all so so much.
I am looking into the menstrual cycle as I feel its connected somehow. Going to have my bloods done too.
I have questioned if I am depressed many times. It has come in waves over the last uear or so. I blamed environment or social situations. Recently hormones. I know I'm not living a healthy enough lifestyle however, that became a vicious circle. I need to find the motivation to make some changes. I guess it is a depressing state to be in but I don't want medication.

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