It's so hard at times

[lolo14]

Hi all,

I tend to post here every so often and when things get too much. I'm a lone parent and have been since pregnancy, my child is turning 6 this summer and she's wonderful, I try to do as much as I can for her.

Im feeling very melancholy tonight, everyone around me has a partner and I'm just feeling so
wretched. I had a horrible experience with the paternal sperm sharer, so much so I've been single for almost 7 years now . I've just breached 40 years old and I work FT in a fairly stressful job.

I just feel so inadequate against my peers as they're all settled and reasonably happy with their partners. I'm carrying a lot of baggage from my ex and most of the times, I function ok. My daughter is a joy (mostly :D) I'm overweight, I'm ageing and I don't see a romantic future at all. Up
Until recently I've been totally switched off to the prospect of a relationship, mostly defensive mode kicking in but I can't help but feel like poop that I don't connect with anyone in that way. Everyone else seems to have it sussed :(

Ugh, I'm just letting loose :)

Sorry to hear you are struggling. You have done an amazing job bringing up your dd alone and working full time. So be proud of yourself for that.

Just do small things. Get a hair cut. Paint your toe nails. Little things to feel more positive about yourself.

I'm hurtling toward 50. Ex left nearly 2 years ago. I'm just getting myself together. Have restarted weight watchers and trying to get more active. I don't know if I want anyone else in my life. (Who would have me. Nearly 50. Fat. And 2 kids with additional needs). But I want to feel better about myself.

Be kind to yourself. Do you get any time to yourself you could take up an activity?

Hi Eve and thanks for your response :) It's great that you're picking yourself up too, it's very challenging after going through a split and the related trials and tribulations.

I too am trying to lose weight and am doing so by moving more and eating mindfully. I'm about 1/3 through my weight loss but still feel like a blimp Hobby wise, I have things I do which I enjoy plus my social life is picking up too. It's a right roller coaster parenting alone

It certainly is a roller coaster. It sucks though. I know I need to move on. Ex was a bully really. So why I miss my old life I don't know. I think I need to make in roads into meeting someone new. And restore my faith in men. My sister remarried at 47. Her husband is a really lovely man. So there is hope out there.

I just think at my age why are these men single. ( I read to much on the relationship board). The same could be said for me. And then my confidence is kicked. Ex left because I wasn't fun anymore. Or spontaneous. Too Sensible about money etc. I'm sure there is more to it than that. But I turned myself inside for him and it wasn't good enough.

I just Darn't take the risk. I'm not sure I could withstand it

My husband died suddenly when my kids were very young about 10 years ago. I had them in my 40s so I’m lat 50s now. Haven’t been with anyone since then. Sure I’d like to be but it hasn’t happened. And yep all my friends are in a couple. But they’re not all happy. And I have found that you just have to dig a bit and find out everyone has a tragedy in their life: breast cancer; husband’s spell in prison; child doing drugs; depression... you just have to look at all your positives and put things in perspective. We can all feel a bit self pity but you know only you can be accountable for your weight etc. I also have to say that I have found I really have to put myself out there in terms of female friendships - I moved a 100 miles to start fresh and knew no one but I took the leap and if I met someone interesting at the school gates I’d suggest coffee. And I’d invite a group over for dinner. I pushed it more than most. Of course not all new friendships ‘took’ but I gave them a go and didn’t take it personally when things fizzled out. But I now have a good group of friends which I didn’t really have when my husband was alive. You’re heading in the right direction.

I think when children are that young on your own it is a very lonely time. From what I have experienced now ds is 14 it is so much easier. I can go out on my own a whole lot more, try to earn more money also and generally enjoy a better quality of life. There is no comparison as to when he was 6. And I speak as somebody with zero family support of any kind and an ex who only sees ds 4 times a year for a week each time. So I have practically no help.

Things improve year on year if you ask me. They gradually get less needy. Although naturally they are still very demanding it still slowly improves.

It will depend on the child however. If they have special needs/disabilities and their individual temperament.

Every age brings its own challenges but that said things pick up gradually. Just my own view.