I feel so alone

[xMorrisseyGirlx]

I have a baby son who is 8 months old, I'm an older mum and 38 and have very few friends due to an abusive relationship I got into in 2010 which I'm now free of. I adore my little boy and his older sister (who is 8) but my life is basically looking after him and taking my daughter to school and picking her up again. I have no confidence due to the abusive relationship and feel so envious when I see mums at the school gates with friends and chatting and I'm stood alone, I have people I was at school with on Facebook and I see posts of them having fun and nights out and I'm at home watching Emmerdale, I was wondering if anyone else was in a similar situation and what they did to get out of it and make friends

I’m sorry to hear how lonely you feel. I remember that feeling of life being very bleak at the same stage. I was diagnosed with PND so might be worth checking with your GP.

It does get easier, but making the first move is difficult. What helped me was helping out two mornings a week at a local playgroup. It helped give me some structure to my week. Why not contact your local church to see if they run any mother and baby groups that you can lend a hand with. You won’t need to be religious and volunteers are usually very welcome.

I'm the same OP, I left my abusive ex recently and moved back in with my parents with toddler DD. I have no friends near where I am now and they are all very busy with their own lives and a few are abroad or have very demanding jobs with unusual shift patterns, so it's difficult to even chat online or on the phone. I'm so so painfully lonely, it's excruciating. I know my MH is in very poor shape, but cannot get through to the psychiatrist I was referred to, so just waiting. Can you get out to some baby groups or similar? I never did when DD was little due to abusive ex not letting me leave the house, but many people find it useful if only to have some small talk with other adults.

If you go a bit further than just attending mother and baby groups and be one of the ‘helpers’ it will give your self esteem a bit of a boost. It’s hard to push yourself forward but even being the one that always sets up (and puts it away again) a particular activity will get you a bit of a reason to talk to people.

Hi Morriseygirl.
You are not alone. I just got out a ten year relationship. She cheated throughout and had me convince it was all in my head. The final straw came when I found her having an affair on DD first birthday. So I have been living as a hermit for the past year. I have 50% custody of daughter. I have zero people other than my daughter in my life. There are no playgroups in the area for “dad’s”. Plenty for mums which I find yet another blow. We go to soft plays regularly but because I’m the only guy I get strange looks. I’m fighting the assumption that because I’m a guy I did something wrong. Just feels like everyday is another absolute struggle. But I have my DD and that is all that matters to me right now.

Could you attend some groups or the freedom programme? What about work or study? Or joining a gym?

I feel lonely as a lone parent too and know it's hard to get out of a rut, I spent a while hardly speaking to anybody, but even though it's hard work I needed to push myself to socialise.

I’m a few years ahead of you but all I seemed to do was school run, work, school run, supper, homework, bed. My confidence was shot to bits, I felt scruffy & down, and it took about 18 months to feel better.

I focused on me for an hour a day (usually when ds was in bed) & didn’t rush.
I redecorated the house with sunny colours, I learned to cook a whole lot of new food, I took care of little stuff like regular manicures & pedicures. Lost some weight, had a clear out of clothes. I tidied up the garden. I sort of “spring cleaned” my life. It made me feel much better.

Now I have a few mum friends, have reconnected with one I’d lost touch with and a couple of the neighbours. I like inviting them home.
Am trying to decide what’s next.