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Single mother of two, foreign to the UK, no support and feeling a bit low

6 replies

andnowallthis · 01/05/2019 09:11

Hello,

Two children here (both under 5), ex left when the youngest was born. Working full time, 7am to 7pm with commute.
I am foreign to the UK (exH is British). Ex is not involved apart from contact once a quarter when he feels like it, and occasionally reporting me to social services with totally bizarre made-up allegations (starving the children, socialising in paedophile circles etc). First few times were very stressful, now I think they understand it is malicious reporting. Still, I am "known to social services" and receive all the attitude that goes with it when talking to any government official and they see a flag on the system.
Ex is relatively wealthy, but does not pay maintenance as his income is not a salary and the child maintenance service could not do anything about it.
I am banned from crossing the UK border with the children as ex fears abduction and had secured a prohibited steps order. I tried appealing it earlier this year to go on a holiday, but with no luck - and I cannot afford legal representation to the same extent as my ex, he has a QC representing him.
I feel a bit low now as for some weird reason my mum was refused a renewal of their visitor visa to the UK (£1.5K+ legal fees down the drain, and I got worried I won't be able to see her for a long time with the re-application and all, and she is not getting younger).
Can you please help me to remember what is good about my life? I have no free time, no money (good professional wage, but all goes towards childcare costs), no family close by, feel trapped in the UK (which is not the worst country in the world by any account, but still). I just need a good kick up the bum please, to stop this festival of self-pity.

OP posts:
SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 01/05/2019 10:11

I'm so sorry, that all sounds miserable. Your ex sounds like a shit. Flowers

It's tough when they are so young, especially with such long working hours, but it should get easier as they grow up and become more independent. Are there any things in your life that you enjoy and can try to do more of? Even small things?

Hopefully someone who can offer actual advice will be along soon, but I didn't like to read and run!

BrainWormsWontWin · 01/05/2019 14:31

No actual advice but sympathy. It must be so exhausting and isolating. If you want to message me for a rant and a ramble by all means do. When do your children start school/preschool? I found this started to make things a little less exhausting

Newbie1981 · 01/05/2019 14:39

Oh my goodness, that sounds horrific honey. Trying to imagine that happening to me and put it this way- you are within your rights to have a pity party.

Where in the UK are you? There are some apps which link you up with local people (can be local mums so can meet with your LO) and can make some friends that way.

Your Ex sounds like a right nob! Sorry he's done this to you!

Newbie1981 · 01/05/2019 14:41

Sorry just realised if you're working 7-7 my advice is pretty rubbish. How about getting a babysitter every now and again and going on a couple of dates? If your kids sleep all night there is no reason why not. There are reputable babysitting websites too where you can have a proper nanny for 10 an hour or something

JoinTheDots · 01/05/2019 14:47

Wow, your ex is beyond belief! How dare he not pay and not visit, report you to SS and then tell you that you are not allowed to leave the country. I am so sorry your mum's Visa was denied, I hope you are able to remain in close contact over the internet and by phone x

I am sure there are at least 2 really good things in your life, your DC. You are being such a wonderful role model to them, working to provide for them when their father is worse than useless, keeping them safe and loved.

I hope there are other things - do you enjoy your work? Do you have friends to help and support you (at least emotionally) and do you have some nice things in your life that you can look forward to? Even if it is just a trip to the hairdresser, or a plan to meet friends at the weekend.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 01/05/2019 20:04

Have you tried the local boards on here?

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