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Original poster

Feeling bad

6 replies

clairelouisa · 30/04/2019 20:35

Hi all...Its been a few years since I was on here but I really need to talk to someone.......Me and my ex split up 5 weeks ago...we have 2 babies, 17 months and 8 weeks, even though I do still love him I in no way want him back...we are better off apart...all I want is for him to care about his kids, the baby baby has been really poorly with sepsis and then bronchiolitis and he has been diagnosed with a floppy larynx, he rarely asks how they are and the occasions that he has it’s always an argument and has seen them once in 5 weeks and that was only because the littlie was in hospital....I have made an application for child maintenance through the CSA and now I feel really bad and am waiting for the backlash when he gets the letter, I feel like I shouldn’t have done it just to keep the peace even though I know he should be helping to support the babies. I don’t even really know what I’m asking, maybe some advice on how I can get him to care about the babies ❤️

OP posts:
keepyerbrowson · 30/04/2019 22:37

You can't get him to care. He's had 17 months to learn to care for the oldest one.

Your priority needs to be you and the kids.

Don't refuse reasonable contact with the children, but don't be begging him to see them either. Personally, I'd leave him to it and if it dwindles off completely, so be it. Better for your babies now, than when they're older. At least you'll know where you stand.

As for the money, do not feel one bit bad. That is your babies money and they deserve every penny and more. And you are the only person who can stand up and get it for them.

But I am very sorry you're even having to post about this. I hope your baby is doing better Thanks

NGC2017 · 30/04/2019 22:40

So sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope your little one is OK.

Sadly you can't. I've been there and got the Tshirt and it was an awful lesson I had to learn. Me and my DS have a happy life now but I've never gotton over the rejection from his dad and I likely never will. I wasted so much energy on trying to get him to care. Then one day I just stopped as I realised you can't force people to do anything. It was a turning point for me and though really tough to go through it does get easier.

I've no real advise otherwise other than to focus on yourself and your kids. Focus your time and love on them.
I hope you are Ok xx

Starlight456 · 01/05/2019 04:33

Your children are perfectly entitled to every penny . He should of been paying it already . He is legally should be paying this . If he contacts you about this tell him you are doing it through cms so you don’t need to discuss money .

I agree with the pp my ex no longer see’s his dad the day I stopped trying I felt I had far more emotional energy to deal with Ds. Focus on your own children . Seems like you have so much going on already. Hope you do have some family support

Original poster
clairelouisa · 01/05/2019 05:29

Thank you for your replies....deep down I know I can’t make him care, and the whole situation will be my fault in his eyes, it just hurts that one day they will know he just didn’t bother with them. He will see me going to the CSA as just being nasty because I haven’t discussed it with him first but he is impossible to talk to and will make it as awkward as possible and to be honest I don’t need his money, but he should be halping with them.

OP posts:
eve34 · 01/05/2019 19:44

Don't feel bad. Once Cms are involved you no longer have to dance to his tune for money. If he was a good man he would pay what he should without even giving it any thought.

I would e mail or message him. That he is always welcome to see the children. With reasonable notice when he wishes. But you are not a mind reader and he will need to let you know. If anything it is something you can show to prove you wanted to be accommodating. Then leave it to him.

Starlight456 · 02/05/2019 01:29

Your last post says it all.

You can’t discuss it with him but he won’t take any responsibility for that. He will turn that on you.

If you don’t need the money you can always save it towards uni, house deposit but you never know what the future will bring.

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