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Advice please

2 replies

ARR14 · 27/04/2019 19:37

Hello, I’m looking for some advice on how to handle my daughter after visits to her Dad. My children see their Dad once a week for 3.5 hours (usually a bit less as he always drops them off a bit earlier). During that time my daughter says they watch tv while he’s messing around on his phone (kids are 5 and 1). He feeds them the exact same pasta dish each week and they occasionally go to the park. They arrive home a bit earlier than allocated drop off time, he usually gives her a kinder egg...He doesn’t ask me about them, doesn’t call or text about them during the week and from what my daughter has said, doesn’t really talk to her either when she sees him. When she comes back from his she becomes really disruptive and naughty and any anger seems to be aimed at me. She’s tired and can be really difficult. Her brother is 1 and other than being thirsty, is fine when he returns but doesn’t have a particularly strong bond with Dad (tbf neither of them do as he spends so little time with them and was never hands on). I dread each weekend as I know it unsettles her but she wants to see her Dad. I’m so frustrated with his lack of parenting and interest in the kids as I am left to pick up the pieces! When she comes home rude and angry I respond with affection although it can be hard at times when she’s acting up! I also encourage her to talk about her feelings, sometimes she says she’s wishes he would spend more time with her but recently she doesn’t want to really talk about it. Anyone had the same issue??

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
VioletCharlotte · 27/04/2019 19:48

On the face of it, he doesn't sound that awful to be honest. He has them once a week, he feeds them and takes them to the park. Not terribly exciting, but acceptable. Do you know what's causing her to be upset? What is he like as a person? Does he have a temper/ shout at them?

ARR14 · 27/04/2019 20:21

When he was in the family home he would go through the motions of meeting their basic needs only when asked, (if he cooked he wouldn’t include the kids on the meal unless prompted for example) but wouldn’t really talk to them or engage in an emotional way. He would always go for the easy option wherever possible. Part of what gave me the kick up the arse to leave him was that my daughter was starting to ask why her Dad wasn’t like other Dads (he refused to take them out without me and would rarely join us if we went anywhere, wouldn’t take Dd to her swim lessons etc, wouldn’t do anything other than put tv on for them) he was also developing a drinking problem and was in complete denial about it. He has narcissistic traits and we don’t have an easy coparenting relationship as he refuses to communicate unless it’s on his terms.

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