Really worried about 50/50

[motheroreily]

Hello. I left my husband 4 years ago. Our child lives with me and stays with him 2 weekends out of 3.

He works eratic hours but has a new partner and wants 50/50 residency.

We went to mediation and im so angry with myself because i agreed as I felt worn down. He kept telling me this is what our child wants. And i have no real reason to disagree other than i think it will be disruptive. I gave up in the mediation and was apathetic. As he wasn't listening to my point. I also have changed my work hours so i can collect our child from school on 3 days but he discounted that. He wants 7 days rotating.

He was controlling and emotionally abusive towards me in our relationship. But I feel it's ok for him to see her as much as he does so why not 50/50.

But I'm panicking. He used to tell me he'd turn her against me. Although that was before we split up. But now i think he's got 50/50 he might do it.

I'm really angry with myself. I was trying to think what's best for our child not me. But i don't know if it's for the best or if it's just my fear making me feel it's a bad idea.

We agreed a 50/50 trial but can i say at the end no. Sorry for the long rant.

He's been really awful this week. I'd like to meet his new girlfriend because she would be picking up and dropping off. He kept refusing and threatened to go for full custody. Then he told me it would be a frosty reception because he's told her how abusive i was towards him when we were married and she's disdainful of my woeful parenting. Anyway eventually i met her and she is very nice. He sat there the whole time staring and ranting at me. He wasn't shouting but his demeanour was aggressive. Sort of calm and quiet. However it didn't intimidate me and i stayed calm.

He treats our child very well but he's so awful to me (or anyone he feels is disrespectful to him). I do worry about how he treats his new partner and if our child witnesses it. I guess I'll have to keep an eye on it.

If Im happy for her to go for weekends. I can't argue I'm not happy for her to be there more. So I'm thinking of trialling 50/50. I am scared he'll feed her lies and try and turn her against me. But i guess he could do even if it wasn't 50/50.

Are you trialling 50/50 already?

From what you’ve said he sounds quite controlling and abusive. It’s none of his business if you’re paying into lo’s isa!

The fact that his girlfriend doesn’t live with him but he’s relying on her to do the childcare is also a problem for me, would lo be going to her house or his? Also as others have said if things didn’t work out with gf would he be looking to reverse 50:50 custody. I wouldn’t view a relationship where they’re not even living together yet as a committed permanent relationship.

Sounds like you’ve fit your working hours around your lo but he hasn’t bothered really and is now expecting everything to suit him. If you do give him more access make sure it’s not on the days you’re available to pick lo up.

I'd have hated 50/50 as a child.

I would have hated 50-50 as a child too

my parents divorced when i was young and i spent the majority of time with my mother, seeing my dad once/twice a week and we got on great - because it wasnt forced on me.

yes i was young but my mum spoke about my dad in a good light, he wasnt the greatest parent! he learnt though, but he wasnt a bad person. I dont understand why courts dont consider this.

If i was made to do 50-50 i would have hated it but i loved my parents equally!

Some kids hate 50/50 some kids love it.

I think you're not thinking about what is best for your DC, you're thinking about what's best for you!

It sounds like you're quite fragile and perhaps spending more time with your Ex and his GF might be for the best.

As others have said it doesn't need to be one week at yours and one week at his but it can be split evenly.

So what was your decision?

We came to an agreement. We will have 50/50 but it will be every other weekend and the week split evenly rather than 7 days 7 days. He's changed his hours so can do childcare on 2 nights in the week.

I hope it will work out well