Why are there so few posts on this - the Lone Parents - board?

[Catsatrophe]

There's very little traffic on LPs. Is it because most mumsnetters are married or partnered-up? Is it because Lone Parents are still ashamed to be so? Because they're too busy doing the job of being parents they can't be bothered or haven't got time to post on LPs?

Not many Lone Parents read this board it seems, and even fewer post a comment - compared to Relationships, or even the style and beauty pages - yet there must be a ton of lone parents on here surely?

Finally, most of the posts are about how to get into dating, or how to deal with courts/court orders/exes/ etc. :( It's a bit depressing because I'd love to talk about the scores of everyday problems that go with being a lone parent - like toilet roll useage when they reach puberty, like not being able to say 'WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD GETS HOME!' About how to get the lone kid off fortnite when I work full-time all week and half the weekend, about extended family and how crap they are (or way too old to help). About when it's ok to finally go to the pub for an hour and leave your only child at home (11? 12?14?)

About..the difficulties of mothers day and fathers day.

Am I alone in thinking these kind of things about this board? Is there a better board to post on - as Lone Parents really is rubbish for these kind of issues. :(

I sometimes find that. I never know where to post my whinges about being on my own.

I guess some people in my position may feel a bit of a fraud on this board or where I really fit. Technically I am a single parent with ‘every other weekend off’, but he’s actually fairly decent with his contact, unlike what I hear across mumsnet.

I’m also in a relationship, even though he has nothing to do with the kids yet. But the majority of the week, it’s just me and the small people. I guess sometimes I don’t where to vent or grumble!

Feel free to PM and I’d listen! Especially about Fortnite!

It is a lonely place to be. Maybe people feel they shouldn't complain as others are struggling with so much more. And we have to be seen to be fine.

Maybe the stigma of a single parent is still a cross to bear. I don't think so. But then I stay away from happy smug people.

I always check the lone parent board and try to chip in.

I wonder if Lone Parents is only visited by people who are lone parents so it limits replies?

A lot of my posts could be on more than one forum- Relationships, Secondary Education, Teenagers, Divorce, Stepparenting, Finances... I'm not embarrassed to be a LP but LP refers to my status and I don't really spend much time thinking about that as I split up with my ex 7 years ago and my energy goes on the kids and house.

Just wanted to add that I do read the posts on here and have replied with my various names over the years.

like not being able to say 'WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD GETS HOME!'

I can honestly say I've never said this - even when I was in a relationship with the kids dad!

I'm the only lone parent in my circle of friends but to be fair we all have the same whinges about the kids so I don't really feel a need to seek out a place for lone parents to have a moan.

I think a lot of the time a lone parent will just post on the Chat, AIBU, or relationships or other boards.
I get your point though.
I'm not a lone parent anymore but it does have it's particular struggles.

Because I'm too tired to remember.

I was just tempted to start LP thread about how I'm sick of having non-conversations with my dc's at weekends. I'm failing to care about slime or Fortnite .

I've not posted here much because (a) i only found it quite recently b) there's lots of depressing stuff about CAFCASS, and i'm lucky enough to have it be fairly amicable so far and c) style and beauty is more fun

Happy to contribute to more general upbeat whinging if people start to add better topics here ;-)

You can all come onto my thread about single parent holidays!
Hopefully it's not too depressing!

Ooh can I join? Just spent from 4pm Friday til now with just my primary aged kids. No adult company at all, no genuine peace or being left alone, constant requests, niggles, whinges, demands for cuddles (which I know should be lovely but sometimes just no, please leave me alone). I think it duesnt help that DD had a long facetime chat with her dad who is happily loved up with the ow and her kid in the background and I wish it didn't affect me but I find it does. They are all sitting round having a lovely weekend brunch with banter and pet names and 'we' this and that and there's me spending all weekend trying to juggle laundry, cleaning, homework, limiting screen time, stopping bickering, worrying about work that I need to do before Monday, getting them some exercise, not breaking the budget (minimum CMS only obvs) and so it goes on. I also have a partner but its all very arms length as he is an RP lone parent too. We get eow times together but it's like all or nothing. We don't share the everyday.. That can have its upsides obviously but still..
Would love to have a more regular chat but the mundane everyday frustrations..

I often read the posts on here and have been meaning to post. For me is the loneliness does it ever get better? My family are all a distance away and I'm currently going through court to move. I live in a house I absolutely hate, I'm the one paying for it but he won't agree to a sale, meaning even more court proceedings. I know things will get better when I can move but it's so bloody hard. Sorry to moan! I just think unless you are in our position it's hard to understand. Luckily I have somebody at work who I can sound off to who's in the same position!

I expect it is because we are far far too busy to come on here too often. With working hard and the cost of living and running households many of us with little or no help from family support systems and exes, it is small wonder we don't write many threads.

That said it can be a vaulable lifeline in our hour of need.

At the end of the day though we just have to get on with it.

I think single parenting invariably gets easier depending upon the age of the children. I am only talking in general.

Those with comfortable incomes as a single parent, supportive exes, supportive new partners and supportive familly support systems will invariably have no need to be on here whatsoever. The lucky sods!

I only occasionally post on here as you’re right, it doesn’t get a lot of traffic. Also some of the threads are from younger women with babies or toddlers who have recently become single parents whereas I have been single for seven years, had my dc later in life and one is a teen now so different issues for me these days.

Nothing to do with stigma at all which fortunately I don’t feel in real life either.

I tend to post on relationships, Aibu, chat or style and beauty.

I occasionally read through recent threads here but rarely post because I don't feel I fit - am a lone parent by choice, through adopting after being widowed. No contact, no exes, no maintenance, none of that applies. I post on adoption / chat / education / parenting when something particular comes up I suppose. The "lone" bit of parenting rarely feels like the main issue, apart from the juggle of work/school/childcare with one less adult to help cover or provide financial back up...

I hear you about how the weekends can get intense dull with young primary children as the only conversation! God bless Brownies, 90 minutes of peace on a Saturday afternoon

I find a lot of wives pity us as single parents and this really grates. I pity those who cannot manage on their own.

My main bugbear is no family support. None whatsoever. The ex helps and we try to maintain civil contact but he only helps 4 weeks a year as he lives 100 miles away. I still construe it as a positive however.

We need to give ourselves a pat on the back as society won't. They are either too busy pitying avoiding or judging us. Or misunderstanding us!

@PollyPelargonium52 I wish someone would take pity on me! It's never ending. DC never shuts up for 1 second. Can't stand at peace anywhere anytime. I'm exhausted just watching. The full day's work, the evening activity, the packed lunches, the bathes, the washing, the ironing, changing beds, cleaning, staying up all night with DC being sick, homework, parents night, the endless list that all has to be done by me! Only me. I don't have time for loneliness, I really don't. I don't have the energy for a relationship & literally have no idea how I would have time for it. Self sufficient, exhausted, haggard old spinster here . Lovely to meet you all .

I don’t post on here . Mostly as I have been a Lp for over 10 years so it is my normal. My Ds doesn’t see his dad so no issues there.

However I think this site feels like it is taken over by fathers for justice. Dad must always be considered . Crap dad give him another chance , dad move away his choice , mum wants to move away . Think of relationship with dad.
Talk about my Ds, my dd for some reason single parents aren’t allowed to use that term .

Obviously everyone isn’t like this but I get tired of the lack of understanding.

If someone posts how tough it is either someone managed working full time , kept a pristine house , meals cooked from scratch and still found time to exercise. Or someone’s situation is worse.

Then the daily fail pick it up .

I totally get all of what you said in your post OP. I have three children. My youngest is 10 and my only boy. My girls are 12 and 14. My kids haven't had contact with their dad for 10 years now and that's not because I ever stopped him. I've never changed my number just in case. My family haven't moved in that time either. I have family that live close by and they aren't always very helpful. I've not been out without my kids in years apart from to work so it doesn't really count.

As for getting out and about on our own once the children are 12 plus if they are responsible enough there is no need to stop endlessly indoors with no social life. I go to Buddhist meetings/local jacuzzi/out shopping. It does depend on whether the oldest child is responsible enough to take care of the others though. Where there is more than one child. I am luck in the sense that I just have one ds who loves being on his own for a few hours. Provided there is grub on hand I do not feel guilty or irresponsible in the least.

I am joining a local choir soon and can't wait. Single parenting is endless sacrifice and we do ultimately deserve a social life. It does depend upon the age of the children however. Until we start going out a bit and cultivating more of a life of our own it is one long prison socially. Society has no idea. Indeed many people even disapprove of us going out and branching out. There are a lot of hangups in society about single parents sadly.

Apologies for going off the point of the thread.

I find it's an odd limbo between trying to do what other non-lone parents are doing and wishing we had their support. I go through phases of it all working like clockwork then everything goes to shit and it's all on me. It's hard to be "the strong one" and then suddenly need help from 'outside'. I think the site is great but LP corner is depressing at times because it usually reminds us of the worst parts of our experience. Kudos to all of us, holding it together and a reminder of how lucky we are not to have a man-child to cope with as well even if we would all love a bin fairy .

I feel that the complexity of how we got to being lone parents scares people whether its caused by negligence or delinquency by the other parent, abuse or death. These are difficult things for people who aren't in our situation to comprehend or understand.

we all have stories of where non lone parents auto-magically think there is someone else to pick up our parenting "slack".

It's a tough gig I ground some data from the ONS to prepare for a meeting with the company's Director of people and the heads of HR at work. From the ONS in 2017 (most recent figures) there are 1.3 million single mothers with resident children and 163k single fathers in the same situation (roughly for 8 women, 1 man). HR had zero figures for how many staff are lone parents - it's not recorded anywhere. How can the company support lone parents when they don't know who they are?

Anyway, I guess the point I want to make is that lone parents generally go unnoticed. Today for example, I was buying bras for my youngest DD. The person at the till made a poor taste trans joke because not wearing a wedding ring and being a dude it's not normally the thing a single dude does buying kids bras.

I've sort of come to the conclusion that I have to do everything myself and expect no support and let negativity wash over me. That's not intended to be a diss or negative because being a lone parent is lonley, lacking intimacy and knackering and unsupportive, but I've got to be the best that I can be to get the dds to adulthood then I bugger off on holiday. Only 8 years to go (I hope).

Op you are welcome to start threads on this part of the site. Unless you are looking for content for something?

Yeah its lonely. There’s an expectation that even if you aren’t in a relationship that the other parent shares residency. When they don’t it almost feels like people expect you to explain!
In my case there are very valid safeguarding reasons why my dd has supervised access of 4 hrs a week. And I don’t want to explain to every work colleague, school mum, random acquaintances.

I’m sat here tonight on my own. My dd is with my mum and dad as I’m going into hospital tomorrow for surgery. It should be a day case but I have to stay over as I don’t have an adult to supervise me after surgery🙄. I’ll walk there and taxi back the next morning.

You have to be so self sufficient and it’s not easy. I’ll have dd back home the day I’m discharged and I’ll cook and clean and manage somehow. Feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight though!