Just need a rant

[Sammie24]

So basically my ex has seen our boys for 16 hours in 9 weeks, that is a combination of 4 visits, I’m struggling to comprehend his logic, our eldest often refused to go to daddy’s house, he is having some behaviour issues and I’m currently seeking advice and help to help him combat this, his father is aware and has chosen to distance himself, always citing that he is too busy at work, he often makes out like it’s me that stops him. Now I love my kids but sometimes I need a day away from them just to recharge, it’s tiring being a mum to them 24/7 solo, I have next to no family support and I am also doing a nursing degree, I actively encourage my kids to send daddy voice messages so that they still have some form of contact yet the messages are more often than not ignored. I never know if I’m doing right or wrong however I am aware that if I never pestered him and said look it’s been ex amount of days or weeks since you spoke or seen your kids then my boys would never see their dad, the actual only day he has asked to have the kids was Xmas day, I declined during the day but offered him the night but ‘ he wasn’t sure what time he would be back’ so that never happened. I’m getting increasingly frustrated I am very much aware that I can’t build their relationship yet I can’t sit back and knowingly watch my boys be treated like this. Sorry I just need to get my frustrations out as it just eats away at me.

You can't make him see the kids more. I'm sure you know that. And you are doing all the right things to try and support their relationship. But I would stop. His relationship with the children is up to him. He has to make them a priority. I know how very hard this is.

Can you say every Sunday is your day. The children will be ready at ten. And see if he steps up. This ad hoc system isn't working for the children.

Sadly for us ex walked out on me. And the kids. He has nothing to do with our eldest and has the youngest for 24 hours eow.

The children will know who was there for them growing up.

What stood out to me that he wanted Christmas Day. What a cheek! He needs to ‘earn’ that day by being a good and reliable dad all year round. There needs to be some consistency here and if he can’t provide it then you are your children are better off without him.

He was having them every other weekend but stopped because I asked him to have them a night midweek and because he had ten midweek he decided that he didn’t think he would have them at the weekend, all he did was pick em up from school and take them back whilst I was doing placements, I am aware that I need to stop and wait for him but when weeks are passing by and my kids are talking about daddy and the farm and they haven’t heard from him I do have to say something. He just doesn’t seem to have a conscience

@sammie24 this is why I am so glad my son was still a baby when this happened to us. His Dad had to be begged.
I went and got legal advice thinking I was doing right by my son and she pretty much begged me to stop.
She said making him see his child isn't my responsibility. I have to allow him to make the effort. But even from only a few messages she warned me that she could tell he had no interest and that she felt it was better her telling me than continuing as I was. It really did hurt her saying that, but it saved me from alot of heartbreak so I am glad she was so blunt with me.
It's exactly what happened.
We are coming up to 4years of no contact this year and though my son asks about his Dad he doesn't know him to be attached. I also choose to focus on how much he is loved and how we all must take responsibility for our actions. My heart would always be broken if he was waiting around for his dad to show or see him or speak to him.
I'm with another poster, you have to stop. I get zero time to myself. I work or I am a mom. I have no time away from my life, and what the hell is a social life lol. But ultimately my child isn't been let down left right and centre so I accept this is my life as he has a happy one xx