CMS advice please

7 replies

Kiraike1 · 21/04/2019 08:21

So it's taken over a year to get my collect and pay maintenance agreement set up, as at first my ex was using my address and they were unable to contact him and then obviously the time it takes to get it all set up.

My ex hadn't been in my sons life for over a year, and since the CMS have started taking money (2 months) he's wanted to see him, which I have been allowing him to do, no overnight visits atm, but if the CMS hadn't been involved I doubt there would have been any contact.

Everytime my ex drops my son back I always get a message about the amount of maintenance that he is paying and how he cant afford it (maintenance + arrears + 20% collect and pay fee) and hes really starting to guilt trip me about it. He is offering to pay £50 a week, which is less than I get through the CMS atm, doesn't take into account the fact that hes paid nothing for so long.

Am I being unfair by not wanting to trust him to pay it every week, he's never proven himself reliable in the past, and the process takes ages to set up if he then stops paying it. Hes also only doing this because he wants the CMS off his back. I also feel like I'm a little bit bitter about the months and months that I had literally no money as a single parent and how it didn't bother him then.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

OP posts:

eve34 · 21/04/2019 08:37

Don't do it. He has had a year to do the right thing. He would of also been offered direct pay to start with so wouldn't of had to pay the 20%. But he thought he could get away with it and ignore it.

Stay strong. This is for your ds. So that he has all the things he needs.

He has shown his true colours and you have no way of getting back the arrears once you stop using the cms. It is up to him to look at his commitments and make changes to his life style to support his son. This should be a priority to him as much as it is for you. Don't let him make it an option.

Original poster

Kiraike1 · 21/04/2019 14:17

Thank you, I was thinking the same, but it's always better to get another opinion!

OP posts:

niknac1 · 21/04/2019 14:29

I would stick with the CMS, you wouldn’t get awarded a sum you don’t need to pay for your child, stay friendly but don’t let your ex guilt trip you.

slipperywhensparticus · 21/04/2019 14:33

Tell him he had a year to pay and he didn't so you will keep it as is for now thank you

sue51 · 21/04/2019 18:34

He's already shown how irresponsible he is. Stick with cms and ignore your ex's whingeing. He was quite happy to see his child go without so why should you trust him.

CupcakeDrama · 21/04/2019 22:05

Dont do it. My ex did this to me, asked me to cancel cms and he would just pay me instead (he wasnt paying any cm anyway so I agreed) then when I cancelled he told me that he didnt believe that I cancelled, refused to call them to check and said that he wont be paying because he doesnt believe it. cms wouldnt open up the case again straight away, so I had to wait a few months before I could open it again.

isaterror · 21/04/2019 23:48

I support what everyone else has said. Stick with the arrangement that you’ve fought so hard for. Unfortunately the wallet is where it hurts them the most, just don’t let him convince you to can the financial arrangements Good luck x

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