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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I just shouted at bedtime. I feel awful

14 replies

PenelopeChipShop · 20/04/2019 21:28

We got back from holiday today and i’m so exhausted. Kids are 6 and just 3. I know I should be grateful I’m able to afford a holiday etc but I am absolutely shagged out - they had a great time but it’s such a stress travelling, constantly keeping an eye on them etc I am shattered now.

The little one wouldn’t go to bed tonight no matter what I did and I just lost it, I was begging them to just go to sleep so I could stop. I said I just want to sit down for one hour and have a cup of tea and watch a programme that isn’t Paw Patrol, i’ve Done enough for them and they need to give me some peace.

I feel awful now as yes oldest in particular is well able to understand that I find it tiring looking after them. They’re going to see their dad tomorrow and I can’t wait to just stare at the wall and not speak to anyone.

Does anyone else get like this, I can be patient all day but when they won’t go to bed I just snap, as it’s like the last straw - I need that tiny bit of headspace to carry on and they’re denying it to me! I know I sound selfish. It’s just so so hard. I didn’t sign up to do this on my own and their dad, although lovely, is a classic Disney parent who just does the fun stuff for 24 hours a fortnight.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

iamthere123 · 20/04/2019 21:34

You are doing it by yourself- I’ve known my mum snap like this when my brother were pains going to bed and she had my dad to support her. Don’t be too hard on yourself you are doing a grand job and kids can just be pains and push your buttons sometimes!

LittleRedSocks · 20/04/2019 21:37

Hugs to you: you are doing amazing! I only have one and a hubby and I have days like this more than I care to admit. But mumming is hard: we don’t have to love every minute. We are human. We have limits. We have needs. Your kids won’t remember this in the morning. So have that cup of tea, crack into an Easter egg and remember guilt is a bloody useless emotion xxx

missedith01 · 20/04/2019 21:44

Don't beat yourself up. When everyone is relying on you those few minutes of downtime do become precious. You're amazing for managing a holiday with two young kids ... I'm in awe. 🍷

MissyPG · 20/04/2019 21:51

It’s so hard, everyone needs some downtime. I’ve done exactly the same with my 3 yo when she’s resisting bed and I’m on my own. It’s easier said than done but move forward. I often say sorry to my DD if I’ve lost it so that we can both move on. Having kids is a huge responsibility we all get worn down and tired

confusedandemployed · 20/04/2019 21:52

Why do you feel bad? Nothing you said is untrue. Kids need to learn the world doesn't revolve around them.

Original poster

PenelopeChipShop · 20/04/2019 22:29

Thank you for those kind comments x

I just feel like I try so hard to be empathic and understanding etc usually and I feel like it kind of ‘undoes’ that when I snap like that in a way....

My mum was a bit of a martyr mum tbh and would always tell me and my brother how lucky we are, what she’d Done for us etc and I kind of hated it! And it was like I could hear her words coming out of my mouth which I hate!!

I also feel inadequate bc their dad always tells me they behave so well for him, don’t give him hell at bedtime etc, and I do believe him but I don’t understand why!!! Tbf he never has to do the school run etc when I’m sure they would give him hell but they do stay over at his and he always says they’ve been great.

OP posts:

Offallycheap · 20/04/2019 22:29

They play you up because they know it’s safe to do so because they know you’ll love them anyway.

eve34 · 21/04/2019 08:45

We have all been there. Bed times are the worst. As you just want that bit of space. Tell them you are sorry that you got cross. You were tired and we all get grumpy sometimes. And move on.

My dd is terrible at bedtimes. I have taken to bribing/rewarding her for staying in her bed. So I'm making progress

As for their dad. He doesn't have the usual rush of homework/school and day to day jobs that you are fitting in around the children. So isn't under the same pressure you are. You are doing a great job and the kids will remember who did all the hard work.

MissyPG · 21/04/2019 09:37

I agree with PP, you are there safe place, their dad will have the novelty factor as it’s not him day in day out doing the slog. Shouting at your kids once doesn’t make a martyr. No one is perfect, you’re only human and your kids understand this.

MissyPG · 21/04/2019 09:38

Their not there 🙄

Cheekyfeckery · 21/04/2019 09:40

It’s really hard work taking children on holiday on your own. So much more stress than pottering at home.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Give them a hug and say ‘sorry, I was a bit tired and cranky. You get like that sometimes don’t you?’ and move on.

You’ve don’t nothing to feel bad about.

Have a lovely day today.

Fantasisa · 21/04/2019 09:43

I’m not a LP but the time of day when I’m mostly like to shout at the DC is bedtime - I’m tired, they are tired and tempers are frayed. You are only human, give yourself a break.

Topsy44 · 22/04/2019 17:47

I am a Lp and can really relate! I have managed to stay calm through the Easter Hols but this morning I shouted at my Dd because she wouldn't get on with her homework. I felt awful. I did apologise afterwards and we had a hug.

We are only human. You are doing an amazing job. I always find going away on holiday very hard. You are one person doing the work of two. They will remember the lovely holiday you took them on not the shouting and what an amazing Mum you are to do it all on your own.

MamaNewtNewt · 22/04/2019 17:57

I think all parents have bad days where they feel like they haven't been the best parent they could be - the fact we want to do better is a good sign. It's very occasional that I am short with my DD but on those days to stop myself from the guilt spiral I remember some advice I was given, some days you just have to say "today I was good enough" my DD was fed, clothed, safe and loved. And you jut know your children won't even remember it tomorrow, be kind to yourself you are doing a great job

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