When do you stop feeling sad

[eve34]

It has been nearly 18 months since ex left for good. Nearly two years when he left for the first time.

I know there was a lot wrong with 'us'.

I have kept my distanced. Not engaged any more than needed. Have supported the children to be positive about him and ow/gf. One dc has gone no contact by their own choice. I continue to encourage and offer to support contact even though ex has done nothing for nearly six months.

Second child went for eow contact today. And I just feel so low. Children and I have come back from week away with family. I know I am very fortunate in many ways.

But it is a bank holiday weekend and I still feel half of me is missing. Not the picture book family we all hope for.

I try to keep busy. Guess I'm feeling lonely. I know I'm the only one who can change this.

Hi Eve ..... I’m not sure I ever completely stop feeling sad, I just feel sad a lot less often

I left my ex four years ago and still sometimes feel sad that we aren’t a family unit, although I’m extremely glad I’m not with my ex .... it’s the loss of family dynamic that everyone else seems to have, I feel bad that the kids don’t have it ..... but actually what I increasingly realise is that people I think have a wonderful family set up often have underlying problems that just aren’t obvious until they let things slip in conversation

It’s time I think that helps it pass, but I feel you x

I’ve been single since I was pregnant and Ds is 7 now. Mostly it gets easier, but there are still moments where - well, Ifs just shit! I think the time and space give you confidence to recognise that you won’t alwsys feel that way when it happens though. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard and you worry - but I think havjng time under your belt that’s proved you are doing okay helps. You will get there, it will get easier. I promise

Thank you for the prompt replies. Yes I guess I feel more confident parenting on my own now.

I know deep down I need to move on myself and let go.

Just got to keep moving forward.

I think there is a lot of grieving for a future you'd hoped for but won't have.
And reminders of that through things like parents evenings, birthdays and holidays - or just having someone else who loves the kids as much as you do to chat about them.
It's been 4 years for me and I really stopped feeling like that about 3 years in. Our family is a different shape but there's a fierce, funny, fantastic love between us which I don't think would have been the same had the ex stuck around.

I agree Bit my family is more intense and close knit because it’s just the 2 of us. We are a team - I can’t inagjne it being this way if Ds dad had stuck around.

I think there is a lot of grieving for a future you'd hoped for but won't have.

This.

But in time you are just thankful that you got out of a bad situation.
(Imagine the alternative - the horror!)

Realise how strong you actually are as a LP.

And also, you never know what is around the next corner, a new day/year etc.

I certainly prefer being a LP when I read some of MN posts on here...
Being trapped in a loveless marriage with someone who treats you like shit or for the "sake of the kids", or financial reasons is my idea of hell.

I've been single for over 3 years now, I don't miss my ex and know it was the right thing to do as we just didn't get on .. we where complete opposites .. we've had an on off relationship since I was 17, I think we where just each other's bad habit .. so I'm 35 now 2 kids down the line and I've ended up alone, feel like it's only just hitting me now that I'm not settled down and I might never be .. it feels like everyone around me has got it sorted with a partner an kids an I'm just here on my own .. I adore my kids but one day there gonna grow up an have there own lives ( as my 16 year old daughter is already doing and I barely see her 😩) and then what ... I'm such a worrier and a over thinker as well I just feel so lost at the moment ...

@singlemumoftwo1984 sorry to hear you are struggling. I try not to think too far ahead. But mine are younger than yours. I worry about being on my own but hope as the children get older I start to get more of a life for myself.

Do you get out and meet people much? I had started to volunteer and made new friends to go out with (other single mums). Unfortunately kids stopped seeing their dad. So I now have them 24/7. Which is fine. I do panic that I am either at work or with the kids. But it won't be forever.

I do need to stop as it is stupid to think so far ahead as you don't know what's around the corner .. no I don't go out much to be honest what friends I do have are in relationships and it's an absolute chore to make any plans with, you kind of get sick of asking in the end as you get put off and put off .. I don't blame them as there settled they've got there family's and it's fine but just makes me feel even more alone .. sorry to hear your little ones don't see there dad anymore must be hard doing it all 24/7 by yourself, I'm lucky enough that my ex partner does take my youngest who's 4 once a week so I do get that break .. but find myself sitting twiddling my thumbs when there not here anyway 🙈 .. I do need to find myself something to
Do so I can get out an meet new people just not sure where to start will Definitely look into
Volunteering tho thanks for the idea 😊

Thanks for the reply by the way .. first time I've come on anything like this 😊

@singlemumoftwo1984 I know what you mean about everyone being partnered up. I spent quite a lot of time being dissatisfied with my lot because I spent a lot of time comparing with other people.
Then I realised (after several excursions into online dating) that I need to be OK with me and my life on a daily basis.
If someone comes along it's a bonus, but experience has taught me that a bad relationship means a lot more drama and strife than being single.
Meetup.com could be good for groups in your area, I also recommend volunteering - doit.org will have opportunities too.

@Bitconfused75 yes definitely! I've had to take myself off social media for a bit because I really do find myself sitting comparing and it's really not helping how I'm feeling at the moment ... thanks for the recommendations 😊

@singlemumoftwo1984

It is easy to get stuck in your routine. Especially with kids. And all the activities etc. Hope you find something for you to enjoy. We are part of a community allotment. Which the kids really enjoy. And I had done some work with the homeless. Which helped me put my life in prospective.

I made some new single mum friends. Although some of them are in new real auto ships now. So that helped and putting some distance between me and those in relationships. It is a hard pill to swallow. And still stings. Especially bank holiday weekends when they are doing family stuff.

I Just go Day to day and try to focus on the positives. Even though I'm still heart broken for what could of been.