How much access for my ex?

[Bettsy123]

Hi all,
So my husband cheated on my multiple times while he was away with work and I was 7 months pregnant. We have since split.
He has seen our daughter a total of 14days since I had her (4 months ago).
Now he has booked himself a one way ticket abroad for a holiday for himself and says he is going to take another contract abroad and will fly back every couple of months to see her!
I am furious with it all. The divorce, csa etc is all with the solicitor at the minute.

He hasn't asked anything about her for 2 weeks and now he messages today asking for pictures of her. She had her jabs yesterday and has been terrible with sleep the last 2 weeks so we are having a rough time. Cant help but be really annoyed at him that I am raising the daughter we planned and he has just bugged off like he has no responsibilities. Would you send him pictures? I feel like if he wanted to see her he should make the bloody effort?

You can't force him to take on regular contact. It absolutely sucks that so many men just up and go and there is v little you can do. There's nothing to be gained by not sending pics, it takes two seconds and shows you being reasonable and even generous but I would accompany it with a message about establishing a regular and most important SET pattern when he will see her. Ultimately its not enforceable but its the only way your DD can have a relationshipwith him without being messed about. I do know a lady whose ex agreed he was basically too flaky and unreliable and kept disappointing the child so agreed to stop all contact (he pays maintenance however).

Try to be firm, clear, not angry or resentful even though I totally get why you would be. Also try if possible to put regular childcare in place with grandparents or other family so you have some downtime to schedule appointments, leisure, a social life etc without relying on him.

Sorry I meant shes 4 months old not that he saw her 4 months ago!!
I have tried to establish with him when he will see her and all he can say is he will try and fly back every 2 months.
I have tried to explain that where she is so little that he needs to see her little and often to bond with her and so she recognises who he is.
I would never stop him from seeing her and I've said that from the start but it just makes me angry that he acts as if she isn't a priority.
He has decided to go on a holiday which has no end date before taking a contract abroad (the contract hasn't got a set date yet so he doesnt even know when it starts) but hes going on from his holiday to work. Would have thought he would want to spend as much time with his child before he goes away working?
Leaving her with someone makes it difficult where she is only 4 months and breast feeding and also where it is me and her the majority of the time I cant leave her for too long as it would be unfair :(

I think he is saying he isn’t interested in being a dad. He’s off living his life and he’ll pop back occasionally when it’s convenient, to see how she’s getting on.
As pp said, he can’t be forced to see his dd.

Send him his pictures, it might encourage him to see her sometimes, but prepare for being a single mum. Work on the basis he won’t be involved at all and You’ll be fine. Once you are in a routine, it’s ok.

Can i just ask what his family think of all this? Are they involved with your child?