Breaking up during pregnancy

[Ohlala19]

Hi everyone

Without boring you all with too much detail, my partner of 8 years broke up with me when I was 22 weeks pregnant with our first child. I’d like to add that we had been trying to conceive for over 3 years and went through a number of IVF treatments to get here.

The fertility issues definitely had an effect on me and our relationship, and I believe this was a leading cause in the relationship breakdown.

We have been apart for about 15 weeks now. He is not interested in getting back together at this point as he feels he tried to make us work for a long time and that he couldn’t see me changing in the future.

Obviously I still love him, but haven’t pined after him or begged for him back because pride won't allow me too. I have realised that I have been suffering from depression and mild anxiety during the past two years, and have realised how much it changed me. I will be working on being the fun loving, driven person I used to be after I have given birth.

My question is, have any of you ever heard of anyone breaking up with their partner whilst being pregnant and ending up getting back together after the birth of their child? He very much wants to be involved in our sons life.

I can’t imagine what emotions we are going to feel when he is finally here but I’m hoping it may give him a bit of a reality check.

I'm very scared at what the future could hold for me and my son as a single mum.

Thanks in advance for your answers :-)

My husband left me for another woman when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I desperately wanted him to stay with me, but he didn't want to be together. He then changed his mind just before the baby was born and asked if we could try again. It took me until the baby was a few months old before I realised that I didn't want to be with someone who was capable of treating me like that. I'm now a single parent to a toddler, sharing care with ex husband. It's hard work but much easier living with the certainty of it being just me and the toddler than living with the fear of him leaving me again. I was absolutely heartbroken for weeks, then I was angry at how he'd treated me, and now I've moved on and I'm happy with my life.

I do know a couple of women in a similar situation to you who have got back together with their partners and lived happily ever after, so it can happen.

But I would ask yourself if you want to be with someone who's capable of abandoning you when you're pregnant... look at his actions and not just his words.

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear you've been through the same thing.

You're right, it speaks volumes as to the type of man that could leave a woman at such a vulnerable time in their lives.

I'm finding it difficult to not place a lot of blame on myself for how I've contributed to the break up - he feels he has tried to make things right for a long time but I made no effort and that it's a 50/50 partnership. Sadly I understand where he's coming from.

I think I'm just overwhelmed with emotions at the minute with being pregnant - maybe I'll see more sense after the baby is here (due this month!).

I attended all of my scans, hospital appointments, amniocentesis tests and FMU appointments on my own so I'll take strength from that and tell myself that I can do this!

Thank you for your reply x

I completely understand what you mean about blaming yourself. I know it's hard to move on from, but really, who to blame for your relationship breaking down is irrelevant. You're going to have a baby very soon and you need to shift your focus to them to give them the best possible start in life that you can.

I often feel guilty that my baby saw me going through such sadness and anger, but I keep reminding myself I did the best I could in the circumstances I was given. My baby was loved and cared for despite everything else that was going on.

Emotions during pregnancy and after childbirth definitely make it harder to be on your own. I'm sorry that you're going through this at such a difficult time.

I hope the scans and tests go well. If you have someone you can take with you it might help, but I went to lots on my own and it was fine. You can keep posting here for support too

Have you told people in real life what's going on? Friends and family, anyone near by that could physically help when the baby is here? It's a good idea to let your midwife and health visitor know too, if you haven't already. I was given extra support that I found helpful in the first few weeks.

Have you got someone to be with you when baby is born?

Sorry, I realise I miss read and you said you'd been to your tests and scans on your own. Definitely draw strength from that! Despite everything that's going on, you're putting your baby first, and that's a great mindset to have.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, especially after IVF

My ex broke up with me when I found out I was pregnant. It’s so hard and fertility treatment is hard too, made my anxiety much worse!

You’ll be a better Mum if you’re not worrying about some guy who isn’t putting you first. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t value you!

Hi OP,
I split with my partner when I was pregnant (He was texting/meeting up with his brothers,
Sister in law who was married) the pregnancy was a huge shock and he couldn’t/wouldn’t wrap his head around it. I won’t say it was the easiest time In my life. When DS was born he came round for 1 hour a day or sometimes not at all! I was so angry and exhausted and I found it really difficult to be a good parent and not burst Into tears at any given moment! When DS was about 6 months old I just got fed up of being angry and hoping he would realise what he was missing out on and I began to start looking after myself again, from there I began to feel so much better when DD was about 9 months we had him christened and we sort of got talking again properly from there and decided we would try again. I won’t say it’s been easy there are times when I think about what he did and how he treated DS and myself and it makes me angry but then I think about the type of father he is now. There is no doubt in my
Mind that he loves DS and he does everything he possibly can for him. When we 1st started talking again he talked to me about the things he has done wrong and how he had changed and I can honestly say he really has. If he had still acted the way he had when I was pregnant there would have been no chance of a reconciliation. It can work if both people want to work at it equally, it won’t work if he blames you for everything and your the one making sacrifices 💐