30 wks pregnant, the dad has another girlfriend

[Jde25]

I’m 30 weeks pregnant. I was with the dad for about 3 months. We slept together once and broke up the following day which is a super long messy story involving my sons dead beat dad!
Took the morning after pill, got on with life as normal..to discover I was pregnant!
At first the dad and family didn’t take it all very well saying it wasn’t his, I baby trapped him and lied about the morning after pill. I don’t have to justify myself about this but they know for a fact this simply isn’t true. Anyway, after a little while the dad started to message but things got a little heated with me being hormonal and him not seeming that bothered and just interested in sex. We ended up cutting ties because I didn’t want to get into more conflict being so hormonal. That was in January. I haven’t heard from him since but he is back with his ex girlfriend who he dated before me, I genuinely think he is just using her for sex as he has been trying it on with a lot of other women over the last few months.
Of course deep down inside there is a part of me that wishes he wasn’t doing this and things could be perfect and we would be together for babies sake but in reality I don’t want a man that treats me like some cheap tart.
But anyway, I feel really sorry for his girlfriend and I’m not sure if she knows I am actually pregnant or if she does, he’s probably told her loads of lies or she is simply okay with all of this. I’m wondering do I say anything to her? We have mutual aquitannces so I am assuming they’ve said something and she isn’t bothered..I really don’t know! I just keep thinking, if I was dating somebody and knew they had another woman pregnant, I would want to know and stay well away from it regardless of if the father is interested or not. So hormonal and emotional and not sure if I am over thinking..just can’t understand how people can ignore such a huge thing!! I feel so sorry for this baby not having an involved dad and I pity him that he is missing out but as I approach my due date, I don’t want the stress of him showing up and lots of Jeremy Kyle drama with the girlfriend either! Ughh!

Hi! For what I'm reading, he went back to his ex after you two split. So I don't think that that's your call to tell her that you're expecting. It's up to him as he didn't cheat. You may be frustrated that he doesn't seem interested in your baby but don't re-direct that frustration to his girlfriend, she has nothing to do with that.

Ok thanks. Just before this, he was dating another women in the early stages of my pregnancy( when it was just us, the family and a couple of mutual friends who knew) and I kept well out of it and was made to feel bad by her and others for not telling her so I’m not sure. I can’t believe I dated such a snake who is going to be my child’s father and feel so bad for this woman if she doesn’t know. Would you want to know? Would you want to be with somebody who wants nothing to do with their child?

But I guess telling her makes me look like a crazy manipulative trouble causing ex girlfriend. Not my intentions but probably cause more drama than it’s wirth. Probably best to stay out of it.

You and your baby do not need a man like that around. I promise.
It's hard to get over the fairytale of your baby not having this perfect life, but the life you have has with him so far tells you have he will be.
The hardest thing for me was accepting I couldn't give my son a traditional family. He is nearly 5, his dad hasn't bothered since he was little over 1 years old. We struggled as was left in debt by him, alot of debt! But we have a lovely life and my son knows love and happiness and stability and security.
His dad accused me of rape, cheering, entrapment etc. He left me at 12 weeks pregnant and returned a few weeks later. My biggest regret was letting him. His actions should have told me how he would be but I was only focused of giving my child a family life. Let's just say he made my life hell until he met someone new who he wanted to marry and chose her over his DS.
Just be wise please.
As for telling her its not your job. Just be dignified. You have done nothing wrong. So many lies were spread about me I fell into a deep depression and never left the house. I had to rise above it eventually as I knew it wasn't true

Thanks NGC! I forgot to mention I have another child whose dad isn’t much better, if anything worst, so it’s been really hard for me to get my head around the idea of making that mistake twice (not that the baby is a mistake just my terrible choice in men!). You are so right, the best thing I ever did was leave my sons dad! He was abusive, controlling and manipulative and still tries to have that over us now but I avoid communication with him as much as possible and encourage positive relationship with his dad.

I think your right it’s best to leave it. I haven’t done anything wrong and neither has she. I don’t want drama and that would probably create drama but I’d just hate being in a relationship not knowing that but I guess it’s none of my business and his behaviour will come back to bite him and the truth will come out. It’s really hard when they are spreading lies isn’t it? I’ve barely heard from mutual friends since I found out. They probably believe what he’s said, but just proves who your true friends are and has made me very protective of my children! Thank you so much for replying :)

@Jde25 until you have been in the situation it's hard to make comment. The fact you asked on here about what you should do probably shows you were never going to say anything. You were just venting.
Initially your post may have come across bitter. I didn't see it that way. You probably just don't want him fucking up any more lives! When the ex meets a new woman, the ex/baby mom is painted as something they aren't. Makes the man look better and amazing for how they put up with us so long! Blah blah blah. I've heard that story myself with my sons dad as he already has 2 other kids.

I know exactly how it feels. You feel anger but you also feel hurt. Terribly hurt. There were many times I would have loved to have bit back but I chose not to. I kept quiet as it was more Important to focus myself on myself and my child and rebuild our lives.
I know it's hard but try to put aside his comments about you. It doesn't matter what people think. People are also more sensible than we think, but are amazing at accepting someone as they want to as they will never know them on the level we have. I say that because everyone warned me about my sons dad, told me exactly what I had to learn the hard way, yet STILL think the sun shines out his f*ing arshole!
All your kids need to know is the woman who is their Mom. They will grow up knowing the truth.

The lies spread about me were really hard to take. You are right you learn who your friends are. I lost a fair few but I value the friendships I have kept.

He isn't a man you need to waste your time on. Encourage your kids to see their dads but as for you don't waste your time on men like that.

I have a skill of picking shitty men. So for the last 4 years I've been single lol. Hopefully when I'm ready I will make a better choice, but don't be hard on yourself. My son is the best thing to ever happy to me and I am so grateful for all the bad I experienced with his dad as I have my son and I know I'm a good person, a good mom and nothing I was made out to be.

Just keep doing your best xx

Keep out of it, she’ll find out what he’s like soon enough it isn’t your job to protect her from him and it’s not worth the problems you may get from him for getting involved. concentrate on baby and if he decides to be a part of their life go from there but don’t let his choices bother you anymore. You’ll be fine without him he’s not worth your time.