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Lone parents

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Original poster

2 years since fiancé suicide

5 replies

Firstmom264 · 15/04/2019 12:09

Hi everyone!
So to give a bit of background to my situation... I’m 22 years old, my son is nearly 4 and his daddy committed suicide 2 years ago. His family/friends blamed me for his death and have publicly named and shamed me, they called social services on me 2 times making up lies, pretty much started a hate campaign against me online, I’ve been called every name under the sun and even had complete strangers message me on social media sending horrible messages. I’m not allowed to go near his grave and can’t take my son to his memorial benchSad. The police got involved last year and even visited his parents house to tell them to stop the online bullying but that didn’t work either. 4 months ago I went to family court because they applied for a child arrangement order but after seeing all the horrible things they have said/done to me the magistrates didn’t think it was a good idea for them to see my son. They did arrange another hearing in front of a District Judge but they withdrew their application shortly before the hearing. They haven’t seen my son in 2 years and don’t want anything to do with me. They just want me to suffer. It’s really getting me down and I don’t know how to make it stop. It’s killing me. I suffer with anxiety all the time because of living so close to his parents I’m constantly scared of bumping into them. Any help or advice on what I could do? Thank you

OP posts:
DizzyPhillips · 15/04/2019 12:10

You poor soul Flowers you’re so young as well.

I understand this might not be realistic but could you move away and start again?

PorterBella · 15/04/2019 12:17

Oh, op, [I don't have any advise] I'm sorry you're in this horrible situation.
Flowers

Original poster
Firstmom264 · 15/04/2019 15:20

Honestly thought about it so many times but I wouldn’t be close to my family or friends anymore.. I’d be totally alone and I think that would make me more depressed about the situation x

OP posts:
NoCauseRebel · 15/04/2019 15:30

I would move personally,although I understand your reasons for not wanting to.

Can I ask, how did it come about that they blamed you etc? Were they unpleasant already and this just made things worse? Or did something they thought or believed lead to this thinking and subsequent action? I ask because if they were already not very nice people then this is just an extension of who they were. If they were otherwise nice people with whom you had a good relationship prior to their son’s death then his death has obviously triggered something in them.

Reality is that suicide is such an emotive thing and for those left behind it brings an awful lot of blame and recrimination. “Why couldn’t we stop it; why didn’t she stop it; it must be her fault because they did/said/thought x/y.” But what you always have to remember is that suicide is the choice of the individual. If someone wants to end their life and is determined to do so then nothing is going to stop that from happening. But it can be hard for those left behind to rationalise that.

And have you personally had any kind of therapy to be able to come to terms with your partner’s death on your own terms?

NGC2017 · 15/04/2019 18:39

I shed a tear reading your story. Fancy putting that sort of blame on you. You have been tortured enough.

I am so sorry I have no advice for you. It would have been to move but I totally understand you wanting to remain close to your family and friends, but I really don't know otherwise.

Its not the same at all but I have a DS who's dad hasn't bothered in over 3 years now. I remember how cruel him and his family were about me. People would say the worst things about me. It pushed me into a deep depression and I didn't leave the house as I worried what everyone thought of me because of his lies.

What helped me was knowing and trusting my DS was very well looked after by me. I knew all they were saying was bullshit so I held my head high. You can't change how others are but you can change how you react to it. I still get anxiety at the thought of if I could see them out. I don't know what I'd do to be fair.

Like I said your situation is so so much worse than mine but believe in yourself. You know the truth. Concentrate on your child.
I honestly can't imagine how you must feel but you are in my thoughts xx

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