Live near work?

[BadgersAreAwesome]

Hi everyone,

I work in London and commute 1.5 hours a day, 4 days a week. However, divorcing and child will be living with me.

Would you move closer to work? I'm worried about how little time this means I'd have with my child on work days if we continue to live out of town but we have a much nicer house / schools here...

Frankly, it's scary stuff to try and plan logistically and in terms of making sure DC feels loved while I'm in the office!!!

Thanks

Sorry that's 3 hours a day commute - 1.5 hours each way...

The commute doesn't bother me, it's about the time with DC

I tried commuting and childcare, and it was just too stressful. It all fell apart if there was a train problem.
So I took a pay cut, found a similar job 10 mins from the school and everything has calmed down. It works well.
With the cut in costs of commuting & reduced childcare bill, I am no worse off, have got back two hours a day and am much less stressed.
Plus I cook now rather than eat takeaways, so we are healthier. Working for a smaller company, I don’t need to power dress, so savings there too.

What happens to the child currently? Is he or she with the father? Or will the father not be paying maintenance or having contact?

I would. 1.5 hours commute can easily and often turn into 2+ hours when there are train issues. That would be really stressful with the added pressure of picking DC up on time, not to mention being so tiring.

I went a step further and am self employed but I actually don't think I'd recommend this for various reasons. If I was working in an office again I would want my commute each way to be under 40 minutes so that even if it goes wrong it wouldn't be much more than an hour.

Could you look at jobs closer to home rather than moving closer to jobs? Just bearing in mind the extra stress and upheaval for you and DC of moving on top of the separation.

Commuting and childcare is horrendous, not going to lie! I have to drop dd off an hour and 15 mins before I start work. Thankfully I have a short day so am able to pick her up in the afternoon (and WFH once she’s in bed).

I would either look at finding a job closer to home or moving. How tight does the commute leave you at pick up? If something happens to your dc whilst you’re at work is there someone closer to be able to pick them up for you? Kids get all kinds of bugs when in nursery, I have to pick dd up on average 1/2 times a month. You can’t be late to pick them up either, so if there was traffic/delays you’d be screwed unless you have someone to help out.

You could look at putting your dc in childcare close to your work and then both of you do the commute morning/evening. But depends if you drive or use public transport really. Is your dc up for a long commute 8x a week?

You need to factor in childcare costs and travel costs into your budget, which is likely to be reduced now you are divorcing.

It is awful trying to work out the logistics when you are newly single. The best advice I can give is to try and simplify your life as much as possible. If that means moving, reducing hours etc then do it. There’s no point making life harder for yourself for not much more gain.

OP, it depends on the ages of your DCs, and how much help you have where you live at the moment.
Rather than 1 1/2 hrs in the sticks or living in London, there will be some commuter towns that will put you more like 30 to 45 mins to London.

Don’t move to somewhere where you end up cutting off your support network / ease of seeing friends. It is so much more difficult to build those up again when your the RP for DCs and working full time.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond to this. All good ideas and given me a lot to think about. Thank you.

Agree that simplifying your life is key. My commute was only 45 minutes each way but I was late every day and had to sneak off early to do pick ups when newly single. I don't really think my employer minded but I did. I was offered a job 25-30 mins commute and it has made all the difference. I also know that in an emergency I could jump in a cab and be at the school in 10 mins (and have done).

Will your employer consider flexible working hours? I live fairly close to work, I was also granted flexible working so I can walk my son to nursery and still get to work on time, I also leave early so I can pick him up at 5ish. I then make up some lost hours at work each night.