Contact

[summerbreeze912]

Just wondering how much contact is normal for a father to have with his child. My DS is 15 months old and my ex see's him for around 2 hours a week but recently has cancelled or rearranged the visits because he has made other plans. I take my DS to him and I am always around for visits (ex wants it that way and DS doesn't know him well enough to be left alone with him). During the visits my ex shows absolutely no interest in getting to know him, he doesn't ask any questions about his development etc. Other than the 2 hours (if he does make it to the visit) there is no other contact. Ex pretty much always cancels visits when it means that he has to travel to us rather than me take DS to him- which for me is 3 trains and for him a short car journey as I do not drive. Not sure if this is making sense but I just feel as though he does the bare minimum just to clear his conscience.

Why are you putting in all the work? You have enough on your plate bringing up a baby alone. Personally I would say to him 'your welcome to visit regularly but at said times, I will no longer travel to you as it's your responsibility to make the effort to see your child' my DD father is useless. I don't have any contact, it's all done through my mum. I have written a parental plan and told him he can visit DD once a month at my mums for 2 hours. Like your ex he would regularly cancel last minute. I don't have time to run around after him so I took control and gave him a regular a lot to visit. If he decides to come or not is up to him.

Stop doing the legwork, offering him fixed times for contact that suit you that are reasonable for him (ie when he isn't at work) he can either turn up or not his choice.

If he wants to see the baby he comes to you. Your dc is too young to have established a bond yet. He won't miss out.

You can't force someone to be a father. Does he support his son financially?

The only reason I make the effort of for my DS, I want there to be as much chance as possible for him to have a relationship with his father. I bite my tongue and do not get angry (to him anyway) when he cancels or is hungover/miserable for his couple of hours a week. He doesn't exactly support him financially but buys clothes toys etc if I ask.

I think you need to accept that your ex isn't interested

I'd say stop facilitating a crap dad, because he won't get any better until you do, and your baby will eventually pick up on the fact that his dad can't really be arsed.

You'll be doing your son a favour.

If he steps up, great. Absolutely let him. But don't set your baby up for disappointment.

Stop running around after him. If he wants to see his child, he needs to get off his bum and do it himself. And if he can’t be bothered, then your child is better off without him.
And if you are in the UK, push for regular financial support. Or put a claim in to the CMS if in the UK.