Hi, I'm feeling desperate...

[cherryred]

Not sure why I'm doing this but I'm hoping having some contact with other single parents might help a little. My partner left 6 months ago and moved abroad, he's coming back for 2 weeks in the summer holidays to see our daughters (age 6 & 8). He seems to have very little understanding of the effect of his actions on them. My 8 yr old has completely changed, she's lost her confidence, started being bullied at school and cries most nights and says she hates herself and wishes she could die. This is so painful to hear, I desperately want to make it all better for her but am feeling pretty hopeless myself at the moment...

i'm not sure what i can say to help, but read this and am feeling very sympathic for you and your children. can your 8 year old get some sort of counselling? it could help. or maybe talk to her GP? or maybe you could on her behalf?
i dont know how you and your ex get along, but you need to make it quite clear to him how this has affected the children.
do you have friends/family nearby that can help out?

vent here all you like. 98% of MNetters are gonna be supportive and loving.

i hope it improves for you all. x

Thanks so much for answering I really appreciate it. In terms of getting on with my ex it's quite tricky as at the moment I'm financially dependent on him so I'm trying not to 'rock the boat'. He keeps threatening to force us to sell the house but I'm trying to persuade him not to do it yet as I feel it would be too much upheaval for the kids. Basically I feel in a very weak position financially so I don't want to piss him off.
I do have friends and family but I don't know any other single parents so I feel quite isolated in that way.

cherryred i cant start to understand what you are going through with your dd its so sad my dd has alsos had a very irratic relationship with her dad as we split before she was born so shes never known any different.

i have lots of friends but no family & i dont have an single parent friends so i do understand how you feel in that way.

i also think its very sad that you should be in a possition where you should be worried about being finacially tied to this man & him haveing this hold over you & your kids.

lots of hugs poor you have you talked to the school about the bullying, its really important that they know. ring them in confidence if dd doesn't want you to tell, and let them know she doeasn't . they should be dealing with it not you.

thanks mojosmum and clutteredup. The school are dealing with the bullying, the trouble is dd has become so unconfident its like she's an easy target. When I'm feeling stronger I reassure myself that I can support her through this and she'll be ok, but sometimes it all just gets on top of me and I'm having one of those 'hopeless' days today.

cherryred there is a brilliant charity called Young Minds which you can ring to get advice about things like family break up and bullying and how to deal with it.

young minds

I called them about my DS and you get an hour's free consultation with a trained psychiatrist who specialises in children's psychology. They were really helpful and gave me some very useful tips as to how to deal with him.

i think you should go to your local CAB and find out your rights about your home.
he may or may not be able to do this and it could be a bullying tactic

but by finding out where you stand will give you strength

i agree with amazinwoman. contacting the CAB or even the local housing association about your rights.
his threats are considered physological abuse and you dont have to stand for it. (it would be useful to keep track of what he says and does concerning this matter.)

maybe talk to your HV about seeing if there is a lone parent group in your area? or have a look at the local library? (sometimes groups are advertised there?)

there is immense strength when you have the knowledge about what it going on and where you stand.