Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

Original poster

No further partners

25 replies

bettycat81 · 05/04/2019 15:54

Have any other lone parents not had further relationships after splitting with the parent of their children?

I split with ex around 7 years ago and apart from a very brief romance have had no further relationships.

I can't work out if this is something I'm happy about or not - my trust in potential partners and myself has been pretty much destroyed by the breakdown and results of my marriage. Mostly I don't crave a relationship as I'm happy by myself. I'm confused.

But I do wonder how normal being like this is after reading about so many people moving on with new partners?

OP posts:

helpmehelpmygirl · 05/04/2019 19:16

I’ve been single for nearly 3 years since my dd’s birth. I genuinely don’t want another relationship. I don’t want to choose a ‘step-dad’ for my child. I’m happy as things are. The fact that you don’t crave another relationship says a lot. You don’t have to conform to the ‘norm’ as long as you’re happy xx

morewashingtodooo · 05/04/2019 20:19

It was about 7 years since I broke up with my exh, when I met my current exdp ( only a week separated) .
I stayed single and raised my two dc and though I did get lonely at time I just accepted this was my life.
Then exdp came along, fell in love, had another lo pretended his faults were normal and part of a relationship. Then I realised he was just as much of a twat, it took me 3 months to make the jump to kick him out and move on.
This time I'm stronger and less bothered about raising the dc's alone, because I pretty much did it in the relationship. I'm just having to learn to be alone again, which actually was the hardest part when getting with him, because I was so use to thinking about the dc and then me and having my space, then I got used to thinking of the dc and him.
I'm not saying all relationships are doomed, but for me it's like breaking up with a ex, healing and then letting them back in for one more chance. It's harder getting back to where you were when you healed.

eve34 · 05/04/2019 20:28

I have been single for 18 months or so now. I struggle with the idea that if ex can walk away from the children and I then who would stand by us. Yes I know it says more about him than me.

Also both my parents remarried twice after separating. And step parents don't sit right with me.

Also my two can be a bit of a handful. And can't imagine anyone wanting to put up with that if they aren't their own kids.

Time will tell. I do feel that the part of the healing process is moving on and meeting someone else. I would ideally like a relationship that doesn't include the children. Which will be near to impossible as dc has gone nc with ex.

CreamyCoffee · 05/04/2019 20:34

I haven't, it's been 13 years and I'm happy being single. I honestly can't imagine being in a relationship, I value my peace and feeling secure way too much. To me, a relationship equates with risk, despite the possibility of it bringing some joy, the risk of it going haywire is still there, enough of a turn off for me. Being single however, it's just me so no risk lol

DDIJ · 05/04/2019 20:39

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

NarcsBegone · 05/04/2019 20:48

I split with exh around 8/9 years ago and swore off relationships but sort of slipped into one a couple of years later which was horrific and reminded me why I swore off relationships last time. I have now been definitely single for a few years and it's awesome! I'm utterly joyous that my mind and heart aren't filled with sorrow, abuse and doubt from someone that's supposed to bring comfort and support. I have a lot of stress for other reasons but I'd rather that than being emotionally eaten up by my terrible taste in me any day. I don't ever see myself in a conventional relationship again. I actually feel fantastic that I'm not in love with anyone.

megletthesecond · 07/04/2019 14:11

It's been a deacde for me. But I don't have time for anyone else and the dc's are always with me. It really would be more hassle than its worth.

Doyoumind · 07/04/2019 14:17

I sometimes feel I'm not normal for staying single and people make comments, but I'm happy this way. I want to focus on my DC. I don't need a man. I am happy to be free of all the bad things about relationships.

Alsonification · 07/04/2019 14:23

I split with exh when I was 7 mth pregnant on my youngest. He’s 16 now. I’ve had no other relationships( 4 dates with 2 different men during those 16 years but nothing I was bothered about & I ended both after the 2nd date so definitely not what you’d call relationships).
I love being on my own & I refuse to introduce anyone into my children’s lives.
Life is far less complicated on my own.

Original poster

bettycat81 · 07/04/2019 17:09

Thank you all for your replies.... I almost feel normal!

OP posts:

Hearhere · 07/04/2019 17:15

I think increasingly women are realising that a partnership with a man more often means more work and a less enjoyable life

ohhi · 13/04/2019 18:36

I haven't had sex since I conceived my DS which works out almost 2 years ago Tbh I can't see it happening any time soon either.

CupcakeDrama · 14/04/2019 00:36

I havent been witn anyone since me and ex ended over 2 years ago. Honestly I would like to
meet someone but I have 4 children and ex is absent now so no chance!

giggly · 14/04/2019 00:47

I’m glad I’ve seen this post tonight. I’ve been single for almost 3 years and have been encouraged by my friends to do online dating as I “need to have some fun” . But it actually terrifies me, I was with exdh for29 years and it scares the pants of me to meet someone new. I am very happy on my own with dc who will be with me for st least another 10 years
I was feeling pressured into venturing online when I don’t want to suppose that’s more about them than me.

CTRL · 14/04/2019 00:49

Been single since my DS was 1 and he is 5 now. First I was eager to move on, then I was happy to be single as I guess it really made me look deeper at myself and love myself again. Now I would like to find someone. I would take it really slow and it would take a long time to reach a certain level of trust and comfort but it would be nice to feel womanly again lol

pineapplebryanbrown · 14/04/2019 01:00

I've been single for about17 years! Eek! DC are adult (but seem to still need quite a lot of emotional support). My parents are now very elderly and i want to spend as much time with them now as possible. Plus my dogs, work, friends, house and garden. I just can't see a bf shaped hole in my life.

If i met a man completely naturally ie walking the dogs or something and very, very gradually became friends and it led to something more i guess it would be nice.

But i don't know! What would i do with someone wanting things and disturbing my routines? I'd like to have sex again at some stage in my life but the rest? I think maybe I'm just not cut out for relationships tbh.

NoShitHemlock · 14/04/2019 01:13

Ex and I split when I was 4 months pregnant and I stayed single for 10 years. Just 1 relationship that then lasted 6 months and I have been single (again) for nearly 3 years.

I am happy as the proverbial pig in shite! I definitely think the older I have become, the less I want to compromise on anything and because of this I am much happier being single.

Wouldn't kick Captain America out of bed for eating crisps tho

nutsfornutella · 14/04/2019 02:35

Single for 7 years here.

With one kid NC with their Dad and 2 other kids who see their Dad one night a fortnight (his choice), there's no room for a partner in my life. The kids and I are happy with this. They don't want a step parent or step siblings and I haven't got time or energy for a partner. If I met someone I'd be open to saying but I've never actively looked and it would be casual until my youngest left for uni. (6 years time) By then I'll probably be too set in my ways 😂

Nat6999 · 14/04/2019 03:02

I've been single for 4 years, left my husband & divorced 9 years ago, went straight in to another relationship which lasted 4 1/2 years , sadly partner passed away & have been single ever since. I'm not trying to date, it's only been this last year that I have realised that I'm happy on my own, I can please myself what I do, nobody to answer to, I can lead my own life.

Jde25 · 16/04/2019 05:46

I find it really hard and do wonder if I’ll meet anyone again but I think my ex’s have screwed me up so badly I’ll find it very hard to trust another man. Also I’m not financially loaded, but the thought of another man taking care of half of the finances scares me to death, but again, that could be because my last 2 exes are terrible with money! Also the idea men later on turn out to be violent is scary! There really is no guarentee when you meet somebody and if you get married. I don’t really want to mess around, I’m almost 30, I want husband material, but where to find it!!?? And how do I rebuild trust!? I’m fed up with arseholes in tin foil, where are the real shiny knights lol?

MumOfOne92 · 16/04/2019 13:52

@ohhi same! My DD was concieved beginning of December 2017 and I've not sex since then 😅

Original poster

bettycat81 · 17/04/2019 07:53

Jde25 this is pretty much my situation although I'm more reconciled. Not only do I not know if I could trust a man again I also don't trust myself to pick the right man - because I really thought I had before.

OP posts:

Seniorschoolmum · 18/04/2019 04:05

Betty, you sound completely normal. I’ve been on my own for the last 7 years. Ds is 10.

I’m not vehemently intentionally single, I started out just getting settled, establishing a routine & a job and a school for ds. But I found I was happier, living how I & ds wanted,
It took a lot of work to rebuild, I don’t want to risk it all by getting involved again. Like you, my trust in men in general has gone.
So for now, I’m single and happy.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 18/04/2019 04:12

I have been single for a while, almost two years, ex h left about 6 years ago, I had a two year relationship with someone who one day just hit me, so ended that.

I am sooo happy on my own with my children. If when they see their dad (ex h) they aren't away for long and I am often at work anyway. They are all teens now so it is easier for me.
I think on the whole we are all happy and we get to live how we want to.

No interest in seeing anyone !

pineapplebryanbrown · 19/04/2019 16:50

It's not men i distrust, it's relationships. And myself tbh. I'm a terrible picker and i could easily mess everything up again. It's all too serious (mine and the kids happiness) for me to gamble everything on a romance.

Flip