DD's behaviour since her mum walked out

[Kespy]

My DDs mum and my partner left a year ago, older DD who's 12 has generally coped well considering the situations, she's had ups and downs. Whereas 8 year old DD has had a really tough time, she was very close to their mum. She's rarely happy which is horrible to see, she's usually upset or angry. She doesn't listen to me at all, she shouts, hits and kicks when she's angry. She's getting into trouble at school because of her behaviour. She talks about her mum a lot, missing her, wanting her to come back. It's hard to know what to say, she's too young to fully understand why her mum left and so she either blames herself or me. I end up feeling bad when I discipline her because she shouts things like "you don't love me, you hate me, no one loves me". I know she's just shouting things for the sake of it but I worry about her actually believing that.

It sounds like she would benefit from some proper counselling to help her understand her feelings a bit more.

I think all you can to do is listen to her and validate her feelings ie tell her it's okay to be angry or sad. I'd be pretty pissed off if my mum just walked out on me and I didn't understand why, it would also be nearly impossible to not take it personally.

I would let her talk about her mum as much as she wants and I think you probably need to find a way of giving her some information about why she went.

I'd also make her up a memory box much the same as you would for a bereaved child and try and talk about her mum in a positive way.

Oh that's so sad. I think you need to arrange for counselling for her ASAP, and I imagine it's a good idea for your older DD too, however well it may appear that she's coping. Their mum leaning like that is going to leave a scar and cause upset and anger, please speak to the school about your concerns, they will be able to point you in the right direction for help.

*leaving

Does dd see her mum?

12 year old is getting counselling through school and 8 year old is getting support through school but I'll see if I can get her in to see a counsellor. They don't see their mum at all unfortunately

Do you have any support for you OP? That's a lot to deal with, and must be extremely difficult for you.

In that case I'd seek counselling for her that you can be part of.
Poor her and poor you. That just be tough to deal with.

My family help out a lot which makes things easier. I also just realised it's mothers day tomorrow but I'm not sure if they know. My youngest's school usually do something about it so she probably does