Hi,
It seems as though I've been to hell and back this past year. My EH first tried to get me into mediation, but I knew that his intent was not to sort things out but to use it as a stepping stone to get me to the family court - which worked as the mediator could see that it would be pointless.
During our relationship & marriage my EH was both physically & verbally abusive to me (more mentally but after 10 yrs it really wears you down and you believe it all, especially as it's coming from someone who's supposed to "love" you)! He would also lose his temper very quickly with the children & once kicked my daughter (left a graze). On each occasion I kept my mouth shut because I was scarred of him and did not have the courage to tell anyone what was going on - I would just pretend life was great and make excuses for him when he wouldn't attend parties, family gatherings etc (which happened a lot). I finally got up enough courage to ask for a divorce, which he did not like or want so he swore to me he would make my life a living hell - which 7 yrs on he is continuing to do. He is from South America, has family there and wants to relocate & take over a family business.......He is a master at manipulation, lying and control - he had complete control over me during our relationship from what I would wear out, behave like, all money matters (even my bank account) - the only thing he wasn't interested in was time with the children and he very much resented my relationships with them as we were and still are very close.
Over the past few years however he has managed to manipulate my daughter into believing and saying what he wants her to, and more recently my son as well. He uses emotional guilt and blackmail on them both and I have had to watch it happen - this is all to get them to say they will go with him to SA (using his old grandmother, 98 as the guilt trip saying she'll die soon & has to see them before). He is so good at what he does, he even had my own mother believing his lies until a couple of years ago (then she saw him in action and the real him, so realised the truth I'd been saying all along). He has threatened me several times that I will lose my children and not see them again, constantly harasses me, calls me names when we speak on the phone and told me & the children he wants to go and live/work in Brazil. So when it came to the Cafcass meeting I told the man everything that had happened during our relationship, his treatment of me, how he has treated the children and still does (neglects them when it suits, doesn't apply suncream so they burn badly, drops them off if he can't be bothered to take them to lessons they have, he leaves them in a car for 3/4/5 hrs while he plays tennis), the main thing is that he manipulates them and tells them horrible things about me. Then when he went to meet my EH he denied all of it and even lied about paying the mortgage since he left the house (he's never paid a penny which I can prove) and said he filed for divorce (again I can prove otherwise). He told so many lies it was unbelievable, but when the report came back it didn't show anything that I had said, any concerns and past/current behaviour - it was all just on his side, completely backing him up and said he should be able to take my children out of the country (this is even after the threats to never bring them back). I couldn't believe it, especially as I now know that it doesn't matter what evidence you have in the court and can prove that your EH has ignored every instruction which was put in the sealed order (and he was told by that judge he had to follow), when its came to the final hearing with an different judge (who was a man) he didn't care about it and gave my EH everything that he asked for and more............I was told I have to make my children spend time with my EH on their birthdays even if they don't want to, on mothers day, Christmas and my birthday and have to disregard their feelings - yet when it came to the useless report their feelings were the only thing that seemed to matter!!!
It just isn't right that a strange can meet someone for an hour and based on a load of lies decide upon 2 children's future - which will take them away from their mother, the only one who has been there throughout their lives bringing them up and teaching them everything they know - inspire of all the bad their father has tried to do.
I need to know what I can do now, can I complain to Cafcass and have the case reviewed? Does anyone know.....?
The solicitor I used (and now really wish I hadn't) told me important info after the hearing and in order to appeal I would have to pay her £2000 up front to get a barrister to take it on, if she could - that just seems so much! Has anyone else been through this??? I really need help and a contact of a brilliant family solicitor?!? HELP!!!!