Single dad to 3

[Downhillrider]

I'm a single dad to 3 children 2 girls ages 8 and 12 and a boy age 5

My wife and I met back in school and had our first child when I was 18 life was just perfect! We got married at 21 and decided to try for another baby and had our second daughter. 2 girls and a wonderful wife what more could I wish for. My wife ended up falling pregnant again which we wasn't planning our 3rd child we had a little boy. A year after our 3rd child was born my wife became very ill and she ended up growing her angel wings 2 years later.

It's been 2 year since she's gone and everyday is still a challenge. I have great support from her family and mine still.

How do you all cope being on your own?

What do you do when the kids have gone to bed? Nighttime is the worse for me! The kids are all in bed by 9.

I cant imagine what you have gone through and am a little lost for words. You sound like you are coping amazingly and are an awesome dad and also a lovely husband so cherish those memories. Nighttime is getting easier for me as children are getting older but in all honesty everything is getting easier as children are getting older (8 and 12). I'm just enjoying every moment with them as it's going too quick! When they go to bed I usually waste time on my phone when I should be doing something more useful! My plan is to start doing more exercise ready for summer!

Good luck with the exercise! Every Sunday come rain or shine we spend the day at our local woods going on long walks and the afternoon is spend in the soft play area they have on site. I'm big on having lots off outdoors play and just let the kids lead the way. Really great exercise as well and lots off learning.

Same I waste my evening on the phone watching tv with a few beers. (Really need to give up the beers) starting to get that beer belly lol.

Sound like a perfect way to spend a sunday ...love being outdoors....my two love it as well. Love the fact the evenings are getting lighter so we have chance to go to park after school. Enjoy your day tomorrow 😊

So sorry for your loss. You sound like a great dad and it’s lovely that you have lots of support from your family, but that doesn’t help when you’re alone at night does it. For me, I spend my evenings watching TV and on Mumsnet mostly!

I have a new partner now, but we don’t live together so I spend a couple of nights a week with him and then the rest on my own with my 3 DCs. Now that they’re older (12-18) they spend most of their evening in their rooms so I don’t see much of them even when they’re here!!

Luckily as an intorovert I’m ok on my own, but I imagine for some it’s very hard to spend so much time without adult company.

I have a single dad friend who is the resident parent for his kids, and we message some evenings, just silly memes and jokes, sharing work stuff (we work in a similar field) I can always tell when his kids are with their mum for the night as he’s extra chatty! I get the feeling he struggles when they’re not there.

Do you have any friends you could arrange a regular meet up with, or maybe start and evening class, asking the grandparents to babysit once a week or so? Even having one thing to look forward to makes the endless evenings seem more tolerable and it could be a good way to meet new people.

OP I feel for you it's s tough gig being a single dad with 100% residency with the DC's.
.I won't bore you with my story, but these are the things I've found have helped immensely.

Tell your work, keep them informed chat about your experiences with your colleagues don't hide it. It does cause some difficult conversations but your in it for the long haul and mist importantly fir your DC's.

School see school frequently talk to the principle and the pastoral teachers about how the DC's are doing and about his you are doing keep a dialogue going they can help Also breakfast and after-school club.

At times you will encounter some absolute fuckwits who gave no comprehension of what it's like learn to brush it off, dwell on any trash talk and it only served to fuck you up more.

Organise crap tonnes of playdates, it's hard work and graft but most mums will appreciate it and return the favour often with extra time and help. Oh and chat with them, tell them about your experiences you'll find a load if empathy and help. It's really the best thing I did. One if dd2s friends mums has organised taking them both to a hairstylist (my idea if hell).

The loneliness, I'm not that badly affected by loneliness but sometimes it's a killer. Text friends colleagues and just chat. Get involved in forums and discord groups and here.

Make use of the Samaritans and Family Lives support lives when it gets really overwhelming.

Overall admit to yourself it's a hard and you are only human. Keep fit and eat well And talk to people

Thank you for all the help! Just having a really hard time with the kids lately.

We do meet up with other family's on Sunday's and have decided to try and take all the kids swimming I've always said no swimming or big trips out.

There is a lovely lady at work which ok I'd admit there have been flirting going on between us lately but she's 12 years older than me!! We haven't met up after work. A little bit makes me feel terrible as I'm thinking it's to soon to date again and also the age gap! Thinks down below is leading me more than my heart if I'm honest. How did you deal with the no sex life lack off it?

Well all dating and sex life us off the agenda for me too much to do, plus I've been around the block quite a few times do I don't need it. That's if your talking about the insurance and outs.

From an intimacy perspective I have a friend where I can talk about my actual actual feelings to which is cool.

Having a 10 & 13yo girls is a head fuck, bullying, periods self harm, homework their friends. organising sleepovers and the attendant mass sulks.

Then there is the cost of childcare, just to have an evening out.

Only a total of 8 years to go and I can run away from them

Would you like another preteen girl? How do you cope with them! I'm dreading every second off the girls going through puberty. I'm sure my 12 year old is starting to go through hers now

I was very hormonal by 12! Periods started at that age too (year 7) for me.

She may well be absolutely vile at times but remind yourself often that she can't actually control her temper and emotions, and that it is no reflection on you as a parent. When she flies off the handle because you dared ask her to pick her towel up off the floor, do your best not to react, and be affectionate at times she is less prickly.

Going through that is no fun for anyone but I expect it will also bring up raw emotion on top about not having her mum to guide her through like her friends do.

You sound like you're doing a fab job, especially given all you've been through at such a young age.

That is my biggest problem my mouth gets me in trouble or makes things worse! We've had the shouting matches many times.

I haven't even thought about periods and if I'm honest I won't know what to do!

got to Wilkos buy every pad you can, bigger the better, (ones with 5 blue drop icons etc) buy gigantic knickers, read the leaflet/box - panic.

Buy co-codamol for period pain.

Get the schools pastoral teacher to help you with this one or the school nurse or your GP or HV. I have a good relationship with the pastoral head so she helped a lot.

Thank you for the help really appreciate it :)